Issues with Sharing

It sounds like normal 2 yr old behavior to me. At 2 kids realize that they have the ability to make decisions and they want to make all of them all the time. They just don't have the experience to make good decisions. Instead of taking him out of the situation just say "no" very firmly. Tell him that not everything is "mine" and that the toys and chairs at the library are not his but there for all the children to play with. You have to have this talk often because his memory is not that great yet either. He will outgrow this behavior, it is just a phase.

Hi Amy.....my mom is a preschool teacher and I have learned MANY things from her about development of children. One of the most helpful is that children don't truly share until they are about 5 years old because until then they don't understand empathy or how to understand others feelings. They don't understand the concept and they certainly don't practice it at 2. Try using "lets trade" instead of "share" it is more concrete and easier to understand. Hoarding is also a nother very common thing at 2. I used to say (and still do) with 5 and 3 year old...."you pick 4 (or any number) and let your friend have 4." I found it also helps to give the child some control in the matter (especially when taking things from a younger child) by saying "can you find ???? for your friend to play with" or "which on of these can your friend play with" It is important (althought they wont completely grasp it) to start laying the foundation for emapthy as you intervene "that hurts his feelings" "she is sad when you take his toy" etc.

Good luck. It does get worse before it gets better, but if you are consistant in your tone/words, they do begin to understand.

it is a phase and I think oldest (only) children have a harder time getting over it. Our oldest was in daycare full time bur when he turned two all the toys became his. To help him get over it faster we practiced sharing at home. When his dad and I would play with him we wouldn't let him take the toys he wanted first or take toys from us. and we also made him take turns with certain toys so he would get to play iwth his favorite toy and then we would get to play with. it seemed to work out pretty well and he stopped having as many problems at daycare.

:) it's a phase, but most likly not one he will just have at age 2. My son went through this when he was 2 and then again at age 3 and again at 4! He is now 5 and a great sharer! Just keep working with him. It helps when a little brother comes along. My oldest loves to share with his little brother and because of that his little brother has learned to shrare with him and we have not had to go through that stage with him. Good luck!

Hi Amy,
While it is natural for a 2 year old to think the world is his/hers, they can be taught to share and understand sharing. I have a great niece that when she was 2 would do as your child is doing. I have a granddaughter that was a year old at the same time and she always was good at sharing. The difference is what is expected of them and how the fits are handled. I finally had it with my great niece and let her know if she takes toys away, she will be put in time out. My daughter in law handled teaching my granddaughter very well. She would play a sharing game with her from the time my granddaughter could sit up and play. She would say "May I play with this?" and then take it for a few minutes and then give it back. My granddaughter is 2 now and she shares wonderfully on most things. She has a favorite thing or two that she doesn't want to share and at Easter she really had a time when my son's girlfriends daughter put on my granddaughters Easter hat. Work with your son and when he takes something away from someone else ask him to return it "we don't take away" If he throws a fit, remove him either to time out or if in public, take him to a different area. If he hordes the toys like handful of toys, tell him he may have two, one for each hand. Again, if he throws a fit, remove him until he is calmed down. He will learn to share but without being taught and it working to be grabbing, he won't learn it until he finds some kid who won't put up with it and end up getting hit. The idea that these smart children who can pick up on everything from different languages and some reading, can't learn to treat others with respect and to share is ludicrus.

Your little guy is doing exactly what little 2-year-olds do. You may actually get advice on how you can help him understand sharing, and you should certainly do what feels right to you. But I mostly rely on the reality that they will very soon be 2 1/2 and 3. While it is very important for me to tell them correct behavior and remind them (sometimes with a negative consequence) when they are not behaving correctly, I don't get too upset if they are not "getting it" at this age. They are hearing me, but they may not be able yet to do it. And that will change as they get older (and less paranoid about toys, etc...). Really, the only reason it becomes a big deal at this age and problems escalate and persist is the amount of time that 2-year-olds spend with 2-year-olds. My children spend nearly all of their time with a wide range of ages and have the constant help of older children and adults and we don't see the problem more than a few times in total.

Amy,
When at the library play time tell your son he can have "one" car and to leave the others for the other kids. When you tell him that another child will "give him the toy back later" you are reinforcing his belief that the toy is his. I always told my daughter that the toys were not hers when we were in a public place. I would say "these toys belong to the library and they are letting us use them. If we cannot share with the other kids they will not let us play with them."
C.

Amy K, Firstly, you did not say if he is your only child. However, need to start training that child how to be friendly and of well-behaved.

I am a mother of 3.I am also a full time worker, a part-time lecturer and I am a Distributor of Forever Living Products. I am married for the past 28 years.

Take sometime, a little more time with him and whenever you give him something let him say thank you. Do not give it to him until he said thank. Moreso, whenever you give him anything do not let him grab it from you and always teach him that it is not right to take anything from anybody like that. Remember he is small and people use that as a yardstick to get to children. Teach him to be satisfied with what he has and not with what his little friends like himself have.

Thank you

D. L

My son is 3 and we just passed the first stage of that phase. It looks to me like you are doing everything I would do already. Here's my favorite words on the subject:

The Toddlers Creed

by Dr. Burton L. White

If I want it,
IT'S MINE!

If I give it to you and change my mind later,
IT'S MINE!

If I can take it away from you,
IT'S MINE!

If it's mine it will never belong to anybody else,
No matter what.

If we are building something together,
All the pieces are mine!

If it looks just like mine,
IT'S MINE!

If it breaks or needs putting away,
IT'S YOURS!

It sounds like you are already doing very well. You could try telling him "If you want that car you have to give your friend a different car" This is a battle that you will fight for the next 16 years. lol. Though hopefully it will improve as each year goes by. Reading the sharing books and removing him from the situation is a very good plan!