Is This Rude? - Beverly Hills,CA

My problem with that party post is that there didn't seem to be any "warm up" activity. Those that abided by the 1PM guideline found themselves sitting and waiting at the bounce place, and then the mother was unclear about the end of the party, too. That's why it was rude, not that she had a big activity start later. If I expect my kid to be at a party 1-3, and it's really 1:30 to 3:30, that matters. Don't lie to me on the invite.

While you take time to get ready, the OP's point was that this wasn't get ready time. This was a deliberate "I didn't like how late people were last time so I'm going to fake it this time" move. Which is rude. She could just as easily have said, "Bouncing starts at 1:30. Please arrive by 1:15 to sign waivers and be ready to bounce!" Whoever didn't arrive on time missed some of the bounce. That shouldn't have been the timely parents' problem.

I think when someone says be here at (insert time here) that's when you show up and if it is for some planned event that is when it should start.

I think for adult gatherings or close friends coming over it is flexible.

Having an event at some later point after the start of the party is VERY different from telling people that the party starts 30 minutes earlier than it actually does. When you have a dinner party and tell people to arrive at 5 - knowing that you won't serve dinner until 5:30, people are having drinks, talking, and munching on appetizers for 30 min before the main dish. This is part of the party. You don't tell them to show up at 5, and then make them stand outside your house until 5:30 when dinner is ready. Totally different.

The difference between the two?

You are open and honest with your guests, yes? If not, then it's rude.

I understand asking people to arrive at 10AM for a 1030 start time. However, the other question wasn't about that - it was about her telling them an earlier time because people were late before.

My kids are teenagers. We have paint ball parties. My husband and I transport the kids to the venue. When we invite people? We tell them straight up - we are leaving at X time. The paint ball party starts at y and will be done at z. We will serve lunch and dinner. You can pick up from our home at w.

Keeping your guests informed is the important part. The other person did it because last year other people were late. HUGE difference.

When I invite people over for dinner? I say "We'd like to relax before dinner. Can you be here at 5 and we'll serve at 6?" Do you see the difference? Not - party is at 1PM to 3PM.

I'm starting to think "rude" is synonymous with "anything inconvenient for me".

No, it's not rude to invite people a bit earlier than when you are supposed to sit and eat. You are not a restaurant. Every dinner party I've been to has offered time before being seated to reconnect, meet new faces, etc. The same with birthdays-- not to be terrible here, but when someone else is shelling out a couple hundred dollars so my kid can be included in their kid's birthday fun? I just sort of think that my inconvenience is nothing compared to the amount of work the host is doing. Maybe it's rude of other people to show up so late for things that someone has to take that into account when planning? I don't know.

I also assumed in the other case people had to stand around for a half hour. Bounce places near us wouldn't let people go in the room until the actual start bc they have another party. An at home party is very different. And I've never been to a dinner party where we walk in and sit down to dinner. The general idea is socializing. For a big holiday party type event though where people drop in and out, I think it's a good idea to state in the invitation when an entertainer will perform.

Yeah the impression I got from the other post was that she showed up on time and then stood around for 30 minutes until the party "started". I think in your case, it sounds more like part of the plan to socialize and hang out, have a drink appetizers, as well as eat dinner or whatever. Maybe I read it wrong.

Maybe the idea is that if you say X time and don't plan for activities to start until later, there should be some food or games to play or something, in the meantime?

I didn't quite get the other question to be honest. I have to wonder if the birthday party mom wasn't just trying to be funny or exaggerated or something. Tricking parents just seems odd. I think she just didn't budget herself enough time the year before and may have over budgeted this year. Maybe next year she'll figure out a little padding and be done with it!

The thing is, if my kid was waiting around in a hallway for 1/2 hour, I probably wouldn't be impressed. But if had to go a bit early to get gear on, waivers signed, etc. I wouldn't mind at all.

Sometimes people list that out, sometimes they don't. Fifteen minutes to me doesn't make or break my day. I find the kids start having fun the minute they get there, so it's all part of the party to me.

I do whatever works for the party hosts. We arrive at appointed time, and pick up as needed. I get that sometimes you wait 15 minutes for parties to end. That's when you chat with the other parents. I would probably be annoyed if it was 1/2 hour late, but I'm sure that has happened to us too. All part of being chauffeurs to kids ..

And as for dinner parties, yes to what you are suggesting. I've never eaten the second I get there.

So no, I don't find that rude. :)

I think what you're doing and what that other mom did are totally different things. To say the party starts at 1 because so many people showed up late last year was wrong - and she didn't have the correct end time either, which also made it hard for other parents who's children didn't want to leave.

When we rent places around here, the time of the party is 1-3 or something like that. We can't get in until 1, so the party starts at 1. Parents stay when they kids are younger and take care of getting them ready to do whatever it is they need to do...

I think putting 1-4 on an invite and as the host planning the times within the scheduled party is fine. I think putting 1-4 and not starting the party until 130 and then running it until 430 is wrong and rude.

It's fine to plan for the time needed to get things going with a cushion beforehand. That is good planning. But in that post the person lied about the start time so everyone was kept waiting and basically, only the late people were catered to by not waiting a half hour. From what I gathered. At big public places like bounce parks and skating rinks and whatnot...people know to get there on time because it takes time to rent stuff, change and stuff. If people straggle, they straggle and the hostess does not have to drop everything and go help late kids in my experience..There's no need to lie and gather everyone up early to dawdle before they can go in. For god sakes birthday parties are long enough and take up whole afternoons as it is...If it's someone's home, then time should be allowed for everyone to get in an settle before formal events like eating. Not everyone hits the welcome mat at precisely the same second.

For kid parties, I put the actual start time for activities. Signing waivers and taking off shoes only takes a few minutes, and I prefer taking off shoes and things in the party room. Since you can't get into it until start time, I see no point in having people hang around in the waiting room. I get your point, but it's only a few minutes.

For dinner parties, I was taught appetizers and drinks, and then dinner served an hour after start time. This allows late guest to arrive before dinner is served, to visit, get a drink, etc.

I just read that question so I know what you are referring to, but I will respond to yours since I'm getting caught up on everything right now.

I understand why that mom said 1:00 but really planned on 1:30. I'm sure she wanted to walk up to the bounce house counter and pay for them all at once, put their wrist bands on and then let them go play. She was trying to avoid having the stragglers come in, search her out, pay for them separately while leaving the kids in the other rooms, etc. So I totally 'get' why she did that.

When we have people over, I will say something like, "we are planning to eat promptly at 530 but feel free to come over as early as 5 and hang out if you wish". I'll have a couple snacks out and basically be ready except for the remainder of the food. That way, people will KNOW that we are sitting down at 530 so they better plan on getting there before or they will be late and show up when everyone is eating. I have never had this happen.

You can do the same with kids parties. If I were the other mom, I would have said, "I'm paying for all the kids at the bounce house at 1:30. I would appreciate an early arrival at 1:00 so we have everyone ready to go and can all go in at the same time". I would put my cell on there and keep it on until 1:30 and say, "if by chance you are coming but running late, please give me a courtesy text so I can still pay for your child and know that you're on your way." That is not unreasonable to me at all. It lets everyone know what to expect and they can plan accordingly. JMO.

What you are describing sounds just fine - perfectly normal in fact. However the other question was different. Since I always made sure to arrive 15 minutes early for this type of party, I would have been very annoyed to sit for 45 minutes with my hungry child waiting for the party to start. At bounce houses near us, the party always started at precisely the time on the invitation - the kids were rounded up into the instructional room, given their bracelets, removed their shoes and then were moved into the first bounce room. They were moved through to the second room, then the party/food room and the party ended exactly on time. Kids were back in the lobby at the time the party ended and there was nothing for them to do except be picked up. Adults expect to chat and socialize with a drink or appetizers. Four year olds at a bounce party expect to bounce and eat.

I think putting 1pm but not planning on doing ANYTHING until 1:30 is hard, that's half an hour of kids running amok. Surely that mom wouldn't like that chaos.

I think putting a time frame on the invitation should be an expected thing too.

Like Come to a birthday party, starts at 1pm and kids need to be picked up by 3pm.

Again, like I said in that question's answer, I'd have let mom know that my kiddo had a class until 12:45 and that we'd be a little late. I'd have probably driven through somewhere so kiddo wouldn't be starving UNLESS that mom was serving food style refreshments.

Asking when the party is going to be over should also be a given when you RSVP.

No that's not rude at all. That's normal and perfectly acceptable. :) And yes the performance for a kid's party can be at the end...I don't think that makes a difference but probably better to have it in the middle or end in case some kids/adults are late! ;)

Updated

No that's not rude at all. That's normal and perfectly acceptable. :) And yes the performance for a kid's party can be at the end...I don't think that makes a difference but probably better to have it in the middle or end in case some kids/adults are late! ;)

I get what you're doing... I do the same thing. I tell people what time I expect guests to arrive, we can socialize and visit until everyone arrives about 1/2 hour. Then the dinner is served, magician performs, etc.

My first 1/2 hour or so is simply to welcome guests. All guests know what time dinner is served, etc so if someone prefers to be fashionably late.., then they are usually walking in during dinner, magician, etc.

The hostess in the previous post was trying to control everyone by playing this trick. Around here, at an activity venue.., you only have that activity for a limited amount of time then cake, drinks, gifts are done at the end of the party in a party room. So the hostess probably paid for more time at the bounce house in order to play her game.

I am the same way. I have snacks and such, drinks, and then the main event whatever that happens to be.

The one thing I don't get about the bounce house thing is you have this set amount of time bouncing, and that is meant to be the snacks, ya know? The cake and food is usually at the end when everyone is there so why did she lie in the first place? Odd humans!

i missed the original question, but i'm right there with you. i don't invite people to walk in and sit down, i always plan for some relax, have a drink and a nibble and chat time first. i DO usually mention what time dinner will be served, but that's not the time i put on invitations.
or would, if i actually used invitations. i tend to be super-casual.
i get the 'tricking', being one of the awful perpetually-behind people myself, but find it kind of queasy to make pejorative assumptions about my guests and 'gotcha' them.
khairete
S.

In your point of you, it's that your honest and you want to get the things happened ontime. But, sometimes,it is not possible for all guests to come on time, they might engage with some other works.
It's good if the magician's performance to be at the middle of the party celebrations.

i dont think it is rude at all. To me it sounds like just being organized and planning ahead. If someone had a problem with it maybe its because they are always late or dont respond.