Is This Okay Behavior or Should I Take Control?

Sounds like my oldest. She can take one toy bag with her for sleepovers. One cloths bag, one toy bag. I see no point in fighting this stuff. It's their bed, if they want to sleep rolling in toys, let 'em :-)

My daughter is 4, and most nights has a horde of stuffed animals in bed with her... That's one battle I decided not to pick.

As for taking toys places, I let her pick ONE (sometimes two...) toys that can ride in the car. They do not leave the car at all until we get back home. The only exception is if we are going for a bike ride, and she wants to carry one in her basket... Then she gets to pick who gets a ride. :)

Aw, I remember those days fondly.

My youngest was a stuffed animal lover until very recently, she just turned 12 and cleaned out a lot of her collection about a year ago.

We never limited what she took to bed, sometimes tucking her in, it was her little face surrounded by all her "friends". Out and about the rule was take only what YOU can easily carry. That would usually mean bringing just one friend. But she did discover that if you are lucky enough to have a stuffed monkey backpack named Bruce you can bring several small animals INSIDE a larger animal, perfect!

In bed is ok for the stuffed stuff as long as there is room for HER in her own bed.
As for taking the toys everywhere - stop doing that.
Nothing is sadder than a lost/stolen lovey.
Tell her her toys are safest at home and will be waiting for her at nap and bed time.
Our son had a few friends who lost 'the favorite teddy bear' or something similar - they cried for weeks.
So he didn't put up too much a stink about it when I began insisting that the toys stay safe at home.

You may need to have her say 'see you later' to her room before you go out.

When my son was little, I made up a goodbye/goodnight song to the tune of Goodnight Ladies from the Music Man. Here's an example we might use for the park:

"Goodbye swings
Goodbye slide
Goodbye fountain
We'll see you again next time"

We used to sing this a lot when leaving fun things, reminding him that they would still be there.

If it were me, I'd leave the stuffed animal thing alone and ONLY deal with her wanting to pack everything but the kitchen sink. Some kids have a bit of a control issue with packing up stuff, etc. that they want close to be comfortable. You can ask her to bring exact things "one baby, one book, one toy" ..whatever you have room or need for. Other items, even a full bag of them? "Wave bye-bye, they'll be here when you get back." and then, with a matter-of-fact attitude, move on with your day. If she cries, just remind her that 'we'll be home soon'.

Please don't worry about it being a sensory issue, M.. Those usually make themselves very clear as children age, but I've seen strong preferences like these in very typical kids in all the years I've worked with them. Pretty typical toddler stuff!:)

I suggest that all the toys in bed is not the cause of wanting to take more toys other times. Toys in bed is appropriate because it is ok with you for her to have them. I agree with your reasons.

More toys on outings is not OK with you so that is where you focus. You decide how many and what she can take. She needs to know your boundary. Help her recognize it in a playful way. For example when my grandson, 11, wants to take all his stuffed animals, with humor I say, "geez we'll be too crowded. Let's take two." This worked when he was a toddler too. For a two yo I'd ask, let's take two or would you rather take 3.

It's not a matter of taking control. It's a matter of having boundaries while allowing him to have some control.

Of course she's not fully understanding, as you put it -- she's two. This is somewhat about her wanting something to control and also about her seeing these toys as entirely real and alive, and comforting to her. I'd let her have whatever she wants in her bed and let her either (a) have a lovey that is always the one that travels or (b) choose a different travel toy each time. You know her personality-- which will work better with her, one toy she consistently takes with her each time she leaves, or can she choose? If she chooses -- limit her to choosing from among maybe three toys, tops; do not offer her the choice of anything on her bed or she will be so overwhelmed at too much choice that she will melt down or never be able to decide (and then....could melt down).

She is just barely two. This is not some huge power play on her part; she just wants her comfort items and friends with her in all that she does. She really, truly has no concept of why it's a hassle for you to let her bring everyone along -- that's an adult concept and she's nowhere near understanding that, so don't even try explaining it. Tell her how the travel toy is getting a special outing or whatever, but don't try to negotiate over over-explain to a child this young. If you can't bear to carry more than one toy, be swift in your departure or she'll try to get others. We still carry about four stuffed toys on longer vacations - and my daughter is 13!....But that's not counting my own toy mascot or my husband's, so that's another two who travel with us....They look great sitting in the car to guard it when we're on holiday!

IMO it's no big deal.

I would gently explain that this is her limit and that is all she can bring. Too many means that you might lose one and that would be sad. I wouldn't worry at all about the toys at night. My mom has pictures of me lining up the toys around my crib with just inches for myself, and it made me happy and helped me sleep so why not? To this day I like lots of blankets and pillows.

My girlfriend uses the following rule for her kids. They can bring along two things (toys) each, one for each hand. She won't carry or be responsible for anything her kids bring along.

Best,
F. B.

Lol! Thanks for the flashback!

It's a phase.
(Limit the stuff for leaving the house to O. bag.)

I think that it's about control, and I don't mind it.

My 3yo sleeps in our bed, and I let him use the pillow on the side of the bed for the toys that he wants to sleep with. As long as they fit comfortably on the pillow, they can stay there. He doesn't have a fit when I have to say no.

In the car, he has a toy bucket that we keep toys in. The bucket stays within reach of his seat. He can generally have whatever toys he wants in the car, but we don't let him take them out of the car. Sometimes he even wants to put his big wheel into the car. We just toss it in back (SUV) and go on. He doesn't even remember it until days later, and we get it out.

Limits are a good thing. I never really limited toys and such in bed. I did require that they all were put back in the toybox in the morning and the bed was made, and eventually both of my boys grew weary of this.

As for trips...One favorite toy on an errand. More toys are okay on long car trips. Stuffed animals only leave the house for overnight trips, and only go to bed with her. Stuffed animals get gross and dirty and don't need to be dragged everywhere. And favorite/lovey blankets and animals NEVER go into stores, restaurants, etc. They stay at home except for overnights.

I'm not expert, but to me, this is a child asking for boundaries, rules, and not getting any.

I did not fall into the bring stuff with you trap.

Here, I guess I probably said "You can take 2 things to bed with you". And "you can take ONE thing with you (out of the house)."

She might pitch a fit first couple of times since until now SHE'S been making the rules.But she'll get over it.

:)

Ha ha ha, yes thanks for the flashback! with my youngest son it was match box cars for the longest time. Clanking, hard, matchbox cars, doesnt that sound cuddly? At first I said, not in the bed then I said OK 1 then I said OK a few, then as time went on... OK whatever, 20-30 cars, as long as he was sleeping well, and he was it made bedtime EASY and he slept well.

Maybe you can get a special blanket or floor pillow or toy bed (or even a new unused pet bed) and when she has to go somewhere, have her put her toys and babies and animals safely on their special bed. You can surprise her with one or let her help pick it out. Tell her that she may choose one animal or doll or toy to come along on trips, and that all the others will stay comfy together, keeping each other company and resting. Demonstrate how you prepare to go to the store: you don't bring everything, you don't bring the decorative pillows on your sofa, you don't bring your favorite figurine. You bring her. If her bed is safe and there's plenty of room for her to sleep comfortably and safely, and if her toys don't interfere with sleep, I don't see why she can't have plenty of "friends" in her bed. Help her to learn balance, and give her the freedom to decorate her bed while limiting the number of toys and dolls that get packed up for a simple trip to the library or the store.

This is not a battle I would fight. Two year olds want to have some control over their life and their things. A reasonable limit of things along when leaving the house is probably logistically necessary, but in bed, as long as she is sleeping well I would leave it alone.

My son did this at night from age 2-3 with every animal and baby in the bed, its a phase and then it just stopped and he would choose the animal of the day each night for bed. He started to want to bring everyone with him on outings too and I told him he could pick one and that the rest would be "waiting for him". That was a magical phrase for us. "Who do you want to bring today, elephant or giraffe? Ok come on elephant. Giraffe will be waiting for you RIGHT HERE, by by giraffe, kiss!" He felt so much better know they'd be waiting for him and when he saw it was true it worked. He was just worried that they would leave somehow,he was only 2 after all. It was good to have such an empathetic sort of attachment and to then understand that things you love won't disappear. After a while he was the one who would initiate the whole conversation telling me who he was bringing and who would be waiting- adorable!

Then at 3 he noticed that the animal he chose would get lost in the bed or fall down and on his own before falling asleep would ask that I put it on the nightstand saying that "elephant will be waiting for me in the morning'. He still does this AT 3 1/2 and smiles every morning to see who is waiting for him. I really had no problem with him sleeping with an animal but he likes it this way so why not.

ps. my son does also have sensory issues, not to scare you. He had a need for a "transitional object" when going on outings to sort of make him feel secure. Its really fine though, just try to get it down to one or two.

I'm a little late responding but I remember doing this as a child ! I had to have all my babies lined up across my full size bed at night. They had to be touching me also or they would get their feelings hurt ! LOL ! It didn't last very long and I went back to sleeping normally without all my babies. I wouldn't worry about it ! Thanks for the memory !

in her bed at home, it's fine. but no way would i allow anything more than a small backpack of 'buddies' for road trips.
'no' should be a regular and expected part of a 2 year old's world.
khairete
S.

Eh, just make her pick when you're going out. Bedtime isn't such a bad thing. Toys are comforting to children.

We had a similar battle and it grew into more similar battles and out of control, into an issue that's sensory related. I thought my child was doing toddler stuff but then it became so extreme. We got help from the school though.