For as long as I can remember, I have had a fear that my daughter is not attached to me. The first three months were quite rough adjusting to motherhood. After that I started researching attachment problems and have had myself convinced that she has one. I constantly obsess about this idea. It never leaves my mind! In addition, I worry that she's too independent and that she doesn't need me, and then I get sad. She is now 17 months old and it's getting no better. Please help!
Maria, start with a family counselor, OR a play therapist. Play therapists watch your child and you both together. They can tell you if your child is "different" than the norm.
If they tell you she is absolutely normal and you STILL cannot shake this, get some counseling. If you don't, you could hurt her development down the line.
Good luck,
Dawn
I do not know if you are religious, but my first reaction is to tell your to pray. Pray for peace for you, and health for both of you. Seek counseling, if you think you have an issue. Since it is your only child, you have nothing to compare it to. My daughter, my oldest, was completely tied to my apron strings. My second child wanders away constantly, and expects ME to be there when he returns. Be her beacon, and continue to show your love. Hang in there!! Motherhood is so, so hard. And every child is different.
I would talk to your doctor about it.
It may or may not have become what could be considered an "irrational" fear. It could stem from depression and/or anxiety, but you should talk to your health care professional about it.
Your little one will hit milestones of becoming more and more "independant", but you are her mother and of course she needs you.
I think the main thing is that you understand you are obsessing over this, so...talk to someone so you can get help with it.
I wish you the best.
Dear Maria,
It could possibly just be her age. I remember my son sort of being like that at that age. Now he is 4 1/2 and its all about "mommy". He is very attached to me. You can talk to the doctor for reassurance. It could be that she feels very secure which is a good thing.
Felt the same way with my daughter especially because she was over the top bonded with my husband. But then it began to shift a few months ago and now I feel great about our bond. She's almost three and now asks for me to put her down at night, read to her, etc...and I don't mind a bit because I felt sort of left out in the beginning. It'll be okay. Let it happen naturally.
The first 2 years are very rough. I remember worrying about the same thing. I think once your daughter starts talking and telling you she loves you, you will feel much better. There are plenty of times when my daughter hurts me, tells me to leave her alone or gets mad and says some mean things. But for the most part, she tells me she loves me much more often - because I'm constantly telling her I love her. Chin up! I'm pretty sure it will get better :)
Yes Maria. If you are constantly obsessing, then you are having some sort of a problem. This will affect your relationship with your daughter, if you feel that the only relationship you can have with her is the one you fantasize about and not the one that she, a tiny and dependent child, needs. I am not a mental health professional, but it sounds like you may have manufactured a problem. Could it be that you had PPD and it was never diagnosed or treated? Please see therapist who may be able to help you accept your daughter as normal and not base your worth on her being completely attached to you.
