Is This Normal? Am I Not Supposed to Be So Stressed?

My mom was a single parent and worked long hours when I was growing up and I was like you. I was expected to do all the cleaning, yard work, cooking, etc. I also didn't want to burden my mom. I was always trying my hardest to please the adults around me. My mom, who worked very hard, was always stressed...but her personality is she is quite self centered and controlling which I didn't realize until I became an adult. If I could go back in time I would be less of a "doormat". I suggest you start telling your mom your feelings. OFTEN. You can do it calmly and maturely. Don't worry about her. Start taking care of yourself. Tell her how this is affecting you. Tell her everything you have told us. Don't feel guilty about it. Keep telling her. Cry. Cry in front of her. Let your true feelings show. I regret that I was always "protecting" my mom as a kid and never did this. You are only 14 and this is a LOT to deal with. The good thing is it means you are an amazing person...a hard worker, independent, and dependable. You are doing to go far in life...whatever you set your mind to doing you are going to be great at it! I'm sending you hugs. Hang in there.

talk to a teacher, coach, school counselor or even a school secretary if you are comfortable with them. pastor or pastors wife, neighbor, grandparent aunt uncle.. please talk to another adult this is more than you need and someone should be helping you more than your mother is

I'm sorry that you have been in the position of taking on adult responsibilities. This isn't right or fair. My two oldest kids are the same age (20 now) and when they were 14, their younger siblings were six and eight. They did help me out after school two days a week, but I paid them for their time and it was fairly short - from 3 to maybe 5:30 or 6 PM. One of my younger kids is almost 14 and I can't imagine expecting him to do what you do - and I'm a single mother too. Yes, my kids have basic chores to do but I don't put it all on them.

You need to talk to your mom. Her priority has to be getting home to care for her own children. You did not bring your siblings into the world and four hours a day of free childcare plus all of the household duties is way too much to expect a child to take on. She chose to have children. She's the adult and can figure out how to care for them and the home.

You're stressed because this isn't normal. If you can't talk to your mom, please talk to a trusted adult who can talk to her with you. Stress is a very real health problem and you are showing signs of it. Your mom needs to understand the toll this is taking on you before you become really ill or develop debilitating anxiety.

Ohh honey no its not a normal work load you have on your shoulders at this age. Yes you should have a few chores to do around the house and help your mom. But not to this extent.

First you need to talk to your mother you need to sit and tell her everything if you need to cry then let it all out and cry its not good to bottle things up. If you cant talk to your mother then what about writting her a letter and express exactly what you feel. Ask her if you finish at 6 why are you not home by 6.30. Talk to someone a family member a friend of the family or a trusted adult. You need to talk to someone. Its normal ofcourse to get stressed out but you MUST talk. If your mother doesnt know how you feel about it things will not change. Maybe your mother does not have a choice i dont know so take it easy on her as well when you talk to her.
I hope this stressful period will pass soon.

your workload is not normal, and being stressed is a natural reaction to having a life that involves this degree of responsibility at your age.

i don't know what to suggest other than talking to your school counselor. i don't understand how you maintain being an honor roll student if you never do homework.

can you share why it is that you are doing so much at home? is your father in the picture? what's up with your mom that she has put so much on you?
khairete
S.

Sometimes, with a teen in the house, it's awkward to have a sitter there also. That was the case in our house so they offered to babysit in exchange for having cell phones.

Your situation sounds excessive. I do have friends whose teens babysit their younger siblings after school until their parents get home. However, they are school age siblings and it's for 3 hours tops.

I would talk to a trusted adult, but first talk to your mom. You sound stressed.

Possible solutions might be:

- Your mom looks for new employment that would get her home earlier
- Have an adult come in to prepare dinner and care for baby at least every other day

As for chores - my kids do them and it's a good way to teach responsibility as well as helping out as a family. Your mom sounds like she's relying on you too much. I don't know her circumstances. Unfortunately, sometimes moms don't have a choice. Someone might be able to help her out - so reaching out is what I suggest. Best to you.

Please, PLEASE go to your school office and ask if you can talk to the school psychologist. Confidentially. Make sure you put that so they can't tell anyone else about the appointment. If they ask what you want to talk about just say "It's confidential, please, respect that I really need someone to counsel me in a personal matter". Make it plain that it's not school related.

If you'd rather leave the office out of it then go to your computer and google your school's name and go to the school directory. Find the school PSYCHOLOGIST's name and call their number and leave them a message. Ask them to please come see you at (your school name her) because you need help.

In most school districts there are school counselors in each school BUT they are not the licensed therapists that work in testing, observing, and assessing students. You want the licensed therapist to meet with you.

Then tell the therapist what you told us.

Sweetie, talk to the counselor at school. This isn't normal. Chores are one thing, being a second parent to your family is something else.

It doesn't sound like your dad's in your life. If he is, and if you have a decent relationship, talk to him.

Do you have a trusted adult you can talk to? A teacher or advisor or coach? You have the responsibilities of an adult at 14 yrs old. I would be stressed, too! Your mom is taking advantage of you, in my opinion.

You really need to talk to your school counselor.

this is NOT normal for a 14 year young lady.

You need to talk with your mom. This is NOT going to work. You're 14 - not 28.