Is This Normal? - Saint Louis,MO

This is an open forum and sometimes you get a mixed bag of responses, but the key is to be open to all the answers received. You don't have to agree with or take their advice to heart, but know that most of the time we are all trying to offer one another support, but also alternative views to a situation as an "outsider looking in."

sorry you didn't get the information or answers you needed, but what good would we be if we all said , "yes, you are right." all the time.
You know this group - we all have opinions on something and are willing to share 'em - LOL!

People were trying to answer you question as best as they could. They were trying to be support, and very simply I think you just didn't like their responses. You can't ask a question on this if you aren't willing to accept the answers you get.

I'm sorry if you didn't answers you found helpful, but if you are looking for a place where everyone will say "you are right!" then you wasted your time, and theirs.

I have to agree with Christy...as an open forum you have to know that people, especially women, are going to give their opinions whether they've been through it or not. You don't have to agree or even read all the answers you get, but you've got to keep an open mind if you're going to post questions and/or answers on here.

I just went and read your other question. This DID happen to my grandmother 5 years ago. It seemed like my grandpa had been dead for 2 seconds and she found this guy. We just KNEW he was going to take her for everything she had. He was 25 years younger and was about to retire from a teaching job. He didn't have a house, lived in a mall apartment, admittedly didn't have much money, and didn't have any family near by.

The advice people gave that you quote here, really is right on! You should by all means express your concern to him and be honest with how you feel about the situation. After that, what he chooses is what he chooses. We all tried to stop the relationship time and time again. She DID stop talking to us. She wouldn't return our calls. She wouldn't answer her door, she changed the locks. (The locks being changed after the guy broke up with her.) She was angry with us, she wouldn't have anything to do with us. Two years ago she started getting dementia. She stated sliding mentally and was still mad at us. Now she has full blown Alzheimer's and lives in a care facility. For the last 5 years our only interaction with her has been her being mad at us for stepping into her personal decision, and now her not remembering us.

While those people weren't in a similar situation, their advice was right. He IS an adult. He DOES get to make this choice. He WILL be angry, and it WILL be very bad for your relationship. What's funny, is in the 2 years the MUCH younger guy didn't take any money from her. He broke up with her, because his mother was ailing and he moved back home. He never took a cent. She was happy. And, we were complete Jerks for trying to treat her like a child. The only way she lost any dignity, is because we didn't give her any credit and treated her like she couldn't make a decision. Yes, this woman might be after money, but she also might not. Yes, he might be acting careless. YES, it is HIS choice to do so. NO you have no right to meddle.

I get that how people answered wasn't exactly what you expected, or what you wanted. (I know, because people gave me the same advice and I hated it.) They were right, though. You shouldn't ignore their advice, because it's not what you wanted to hear. You should take it to heart, and realize that you're wrong and their advise was actually wise.

On here, you betcha!!

I kind of think it's the same thing as asking your friends for advice...I mean they may not have experienced what you're going through but they can offer a different perspective. Now, since you don't know everyone on here as intimately as a friend, you may be less likely to be receptive to responses that aren't exactly what you were looking for, but yes, I think you'll get them. Also remember that we all have different experiences and even though people may not have experienced your issues exactly the way you are/have, it doesn't mean people can't relate.

sure. sometimes an oddball perspective can really throw some light onto a situation. sometimes something other than the main question piques someone's interest.
i like it.
khairete
S.

I agree with the others, but just to let you know in case you haven't noticed yet, I just answered your other question, and I do have experience with that situation. :)

Yes I think that on here it happens all the time, I am sure I have done it in the past without knowing it. Everyone has opinions and most on here will share what they think even if it is not helpful or get off topic. In the end I take everything in and maybe those unhelpful ones will be the most helpful or what really needs to be said... or you can dismiss them if not helpful.

It is possible!

I read the post about your dad and you have a right to be concerned.

This is totally normal. There are some people that "answer" a question in a way that does not really answer the question in any way. I asked a question once about getting a procedure for myself as permanent birth control. I stated that I specifically wanted information only on this particular procedure, and did not need to know about other procedures available to either my husband or myself. I still recieved many responses telling me that my husband should be the one to get the procedure because I had already been through so much when giving birth, and that the male equivalent was much easier etc etc. These responses were not helpful as they did not answer my very specific question, but I'm sure the people who wrote them were trying to be helpful in their own way. I think some people just like to give their two cents in hope that it will be helpful to the person asking the question.

Yep, very normal on this site!