Is This Lying? Big Imagination? How Do We Handle?

Sounds like she gets too much attention, like she constantly needs to be entertaining, and entertained.
Her stories don't sound like a big deal to me, AT ALL, I would just say, "oh REALLY? That's interesting." and move on.
Treat her like a normal kid, not like a "neglected" kid who needs lunch dates, play dates, sleepovers, two birthday parties and one on one homeschooling just because her mom is not perfect.
If you want to raise a normal girl then treat her like one, that's my advice.

I think this is her attempt at a JOKE!

I mean...dropping egg drop soup....

Cat tails from real cats?

I think you may have a budding comedian...

Not to worry IMO

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I must have missed the post with the 'step mother bashing'

???????????????

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And now the SWH has disappeared?

Gosh...I hate edits and deletions.....

*sigh**

I shared this with a 5th grade teacher friend. She said this child may need more time around other girls her own age. Is there a reason she is home schooled? Maybe being around all sorts of kids in her own age group, she would find others like herself.. She would be able to continue her creative thinking, but not feel the need to entertain or get so much attention from the adults in her life. This is just something to consider.

KIDS She sounds like on of those very imaginative girls. They are joking, and being silly. Don't you remember that type of girl from when you were in 6th grade. Kind of odd in their own worlds?

I think you may tend to be literal, but this girl is right between a child and a teen. She may look old but in reality in her emotional development she is still about 10 years old.. Nothing wrong with this.. but this immaturity, but with immense creativity can seem odd if taken literal.

Yes, encourage her "stories". She is not lying this is the way she "plays"..
You can just listen and not participate by saying "oh, that is interesting.." Or your reply could be a small laugh, Or you can play along and come up with your own little word jokes or word puzzles.

It is obvious she has an imagination. I would give her a journal. Allow her to write this thoughts and quips down.. maybe turn them into small cartoons. Maybe find a computer program for her to jouranl on.

She seems like she is one of those "odd birds.. " Just not a real teen yet, living in her own little world. She needs to find some other creative friends like herself. They will understand her.

You may have a budding author in your home. See if you can set her with a computer and have her write her stories. Help her to expand on them. Teach her the who - what - where - when - and how.

The biggest issue with a budding writer is teaching them to expand on a story. As the writer she would know what happened and the how and the where and how it all ends. As a reader you need it in greater detail so you understand the story.

Maybe she needs to focus her imagination into writing - I would suggest to her that she write these "stories" down and try to turn them into something bigger creative-writing-wise.

Otherwise I wouldn't give it much attention - if she's doing it for attention but then doesn't get the response she wants, hopefully she'll figure out on her own that it doesn't work and it will be another passing phase. I would just give her a nonchalant "uh huh" and move on.

Hi,
Don't stress over it; it's not lying. It is creative and imaginative. She sounds very bright. Creative kids often have great imaginations, and it sounds like she's playing a bit with language, which is a wonderful thing! It reminds me a bit of stand-up comedians. They tell stories like that for jokes, even though it never happened to them. Please don't squash it. I think her new, "I had a dream that..." is more to appease you, since you didn't like when she said it happened to her or her friend. You can respond by saying, "isn't that something!" or similar. This talent she has may become a career in creative writing or another career. Since she's homeschooled, you have become her peer, and she may be trying out her social skills. Other 12 year olds would not take these stories so seriously. So, enjoy the creativity, and don't worry. FYI, I am a mother of two gifted kids, and a teacher. :)

I don't understand, is anyone being harmed by her imagination?

All she is doing is pulling in stories to make her story more dynamic. There is not harm in that. You are making it a far bigger issue than it needs to be in your quest to make sure everyone knows she is wrong.
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Um, did someone mention step daughter or are you projecting?
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Do you realize that removing your what happened illustrates exactly why your non problem feels like a problem to you. You can't leave anything anywhere that makes you feel less than perfect even if it is only in your mind.

*You* see her imagination as a bad thing therefore it must be stopped. Even when faced with answers saying it is normal and a good thing you must see us as attacking you rather than see that it is normal and the perception of imperfection was only in your mind.

Actually, I think you guys are going overboard by calling what she is saying in your examples lies.

Get out some examples of tall tales and read them with her. Talk about the difference in actual truth and tall tales. When she tells a tall tale, tell her what a great tall tale it is. Then change the subject and don't give her anymore attention for it. Don't grill her over the particulars. THAT'S when you start inviting her to lie to you. And you're giving her a lot of attention that you weren't giving her before, for something you don't want her to do.

About the ghost? She might feel she has one. I know people who believe they grew up with a ghost in their house. As children, they don't have viable explanations for stuff. She probably sees something she can't explain and assigns the title of "ghost" to it.

If you treat tall tales like lies, you are going to squash the imagination out of her, and that's just not necessary. Instead, give her plenty of attention OTHER times, not when she's telling tall tales.

I have a very creative 11 year-old daughter, while I am a very logical, factual person. I've had to learn to go with her stories and encourage them. It's OK to smile and say "and then what happened?!" Or, "what do you think would happen next if...?"

I agree with others to have her write her stories, or illustrate them, or even make videos. This kind of creativity should be encouraged. At the same time, it's OK to tell her that sometimes you aren't sure if she's telling you a true story, or a creative one, and maybe others will have that same problem. When she tells something untrue and it's inappropriate, because you need to know the truth, then say so.

I also agree that if you spend time with a group of kids her age, you'll hear others doing the same thing and not thinking anything is wrong with it.

I don't think she's doing it to get more attention, I think she's trying to bring your attention to who she is. I think she's being herself, and looking for affirmation that her creative mind is OK. Saying "I had a dream..." is her way of trying to make it acceptable to you to tell her stories.

Our kids and step kids have the potential to baffle us, because they are their own people with their own traits from such an early age.

I think Sue W. is right -- she's not after more attention in that little-kid way; she's asserting who she is, and it sounds like she is a joker. And a pretty funny one for her age, I think.

It's not lying and if it's treated or disciplined as such...well, that would be an overreaction to me, and could stifle some good creative impulses.

Are there any kids' writing workshops anywhere near you? A university near us does Saturday workshops that are one-time events and also does a writing workshop for a week in the summer. My daughter (same age) has adored it. The topics include humorous writing and her tall tales would be encouraged. I would really look into such a thing for her (ask her teachers if you don't know where to start). If you think she doesn't like writing, think again -- my daughter has had friends do these workshops, friends who said they weren't interested, and who came out of them saying they had a terrific time, had fun, would do it again, etc.

I think you are right; it's not about lack of attention or lying to get somethiing or manipulate you. It seems to be just about her trying to entertain you and herself. She has not tried to say "But I really DID see that/do that, I swear" and so on, right? If she were vowing these thiings were seriously real and getting upset about your not believing her that would be different -- but she's not doing that, is she? She's not asserting that these were real things except when she says "a friend" did or said so and so. I think she's trying out some fun connections between things and she's playing with words. Egg drop soup -- I dropped the soup. Cat tails grow on cats, of course....I would make some of her homeschooling about traditional tall tales in literature (Paul Bunyan, John Henry, many more); wordplay and puns; and so on. Encourage and channel it but please don't misinterpret it as a plea for attention when it might just be her intelligence at work. Have fun with it instead.

I think she will drop the "a friend" and "I dreamed this" when she gets more used to how to tell these jokes or make these wordplays. Just let the "I dreamed this" part go for now and encourage more word work and writing. You may have a good creative writer on your hands.

She obviously as a great imagination and I think that this is nothing to be too concerned about. If I were you, and I knew she was just making things up I would just straight up tell her: Ya know kid, it is OK to just start your 'stories' with 'wouldn't it be neat if x,y &z happened' ...that way we all knew you were just using your imagination and trying to entertain us rather than telling a fib/lie.

~As a stepmom myself, I also agree with one of the other posters that said that maybe you guys are focusing too much attention on her and feel that she is in need of more attention in a 'poor her' type of way...like poor her, she has to have two households and is from a broken home? Lots of kids these days have divorced parents, with two different houses and two sets of parents. It doesn't have to be a negative thing.

I've known kids like that, and I never call them out on it, I just say things like, "Oh really," and "Hmm," and "That's interesting," and give them a look or a tone that tells them I kind of know they are making it up.

But I think it's harmless, unless it continues into her later teens about more serious subjects. Some kids just do it for attention, and I figure if they need that kind of attention, I will humor them a little.

She's only 12, that's still immature.

This reminds me of something that happened when I was in fifth grade (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth). One boy couldn't stop talking and couldn't stop telling stories. He was pretty obnoxious about it. One day the teacher said, "Roger, go up to the front of the class and tell us a story!" So Roger did. If I recall correctly, he did it several times that year. I don't remember what his stories were about. I do remember that he got better and better at telling them. We started enjoying them because he wasn't just being obnoxious. He did some growing up, too. Worked out well all the way around.

I think your very imaginative daughter is just going through this stage as a part of growing up. You might go to the library and bring home Betty McDonald's MRS. PIGGLE-WIGGLE books, in which you'll find many references to tall tales and interesting "dreams." They'll make you smile, and you might think, "This seems familiar!"

Keep teaching your daughter, loving her, and laughing with her. If you're still concerned, tell her that stories and jokes are OK as long as she's not deliberately lying (telling a falsehood with intent to deceive). Ask her if she knows the difference. She surely does. Then tell her, "So sometimes you need to hold up a cue card for me that says, 'This one is for fun!' Don't mind me if I ask you once in a while, just so my brain is straight on it."

I've known kids who do this, both in my childhood and now, as a middle school teacher.

Seems like with her "I had a dream that..." she's looking for a way to tell the fib without really fibbing (although if she didn't have the dream it's still a fib, right?).

My suggestion would be to tell her to open her stories with "Wouldn't it be funny if..." Explain, that everyone want's to hear her clever stories or jokes, and if she starts that way, no one gets worried about the details, because everyone is clear that it's just a clever story.

HTH
T.

My grandson is deep into this phase at age 7. At his age, this seems quite normal, since I've heard many other kids doing pretty much the same thing.

We have several different responses. Usually, I'll look at him a little blankly, shrug, and say something like, "That's quite a story." Or even, "I don't think THAT really happened." Occasionally, I'll laugh and say, "That's a good one!" if it's genuinely entertaining. I do want him to know that I'm listening and prepared to take him seriously. Sometimes I say, "I enjoy you more when I know you're just telling the truth." He always freely admits it when we chalk it up to imagination or wishes.

He just had a 2-night stay with us, and told at least a dozen stories the first day. The next day, when he told his first invention, I commented on what a great imagination he has, BUT that made-up stories mostly make me feel tired and sometimes sad for him. He looked surprised. I asked him why he liked to tell these stories. All he could say about it was that he enjoyed it. So I reiterated that I loved his terrific imagination, but that as he gets older, he'll realize that grownups can tell right away when a story is true or not. I suggested that little kids would probably be embarrassed to know how easy it is to catch them telling false stories. I told him (setting the bar higher) that he'll be able to tell soon, too.

That seemed to catch his attention. He told only one more wild one yesterday, after which I just looked at him with no expression. He immediately 'fessed up, and turned his imagination to building a fort.

I'm pretty sure we'll have to keep nibbling away at the problem in coming years. Eventually he'll find more productive uses for all his inventiveness, but he will probably need adult indulgence, AND correction, AND help finding alternatives. I don't sense that there's any punishment needed in his case, at least, there's seldom even a touch of malicious intent, just playfulness and a desire for attention and approval. So we use a lack of reaction, skeptical "hmmm's", reminders about the importance of a good reputation, and steady modeling of good conversation that does not include wild bids for attention. I'm sure he'll get there.

One other thought: Here's a great article on kids and lying, filled with insights… nymag.com/news/features/43893/‎

And if you google "children lying," you'll find dozens of articles and essays on the topic. Good luck!

I don't think I would really call it lying. I would not punish for this. But I would loook to see why she is making up stories. She could be looking fro an outlet for budding creativity. Or looking for attention, or she might not be sure how to talk to you. I have 2 girls now 14 yrs old . They are both creative and love to draw. However, one also writes stories. She has gotten very good actually. When she was younger she would also make up stories and sometimes would say that she did such and such and you knew it was false. We figured she was looking for attn because she had to compete with a brother and sister. Once she got into writing and drawing, the sense of the stories stopped but got better when she started to expand on what she was thinking.

Growing up I had a friend who did this incessantly from the age of 11 to 16. She had some other underlying issues, but the main reason she did it was to admit to having a fantasy of some sort without sounding like a doe-eyed child. Mostly they were stories about dreams she said she had "Last night!" Her stories always started out "You won't believe the dream I had last night!" which would then go into incredible stories about how all of us girls were dating the boys we had crushes on. Of course none of us actually believed the "dreams", but we did enjoy the stories, and they were mostly told for our entertainment.

I don't see the harm. She's telling you now that she had a dream - maybe it's a daydream. It's still a dream.

I think she's just looking for something to talk to you about. And it seems to me that you are taking it way too seriously. Play along. Let her tell her story/dream. She may be the next New York seller's best authors!

Also, I think she may be lonely. 2 playdates in three week time is not very much (in fact, IMHO, it's pitiful!) especially for a 12 year old! Help her to make more friends so she can make more memories and have more REAL stuff to talk about.