Is This Common for Preschool?

I agree that it could be nothing or something. I'd try to find that out before deciding on an outcome.

Reading what 'SA Mamma H' being a substitute was saying... Happened ALL THE TIME where I went to school. Sadly, those are the roots that cause things like Colombine to happen eventually.

And when MY daughter was whispering with one of her little friends and giggling, I simply told them that if they couldn't share the conversation with the rest of us, it wasn't nice and won't be tolerated in my home or presence.

i wouldn't worry unless it becomes an all the time thing. my son has always loved preschool, but one day he said that one of his friends didn't like him anymore and was mean to him. but since then he's been talking about other kids that he plays with. kids have spats. it may have just been an isolated incident. this is all part of the whole, growing up and learning to deal with the real world thing. it stinks! Lol.

This may not be bullying (hopefully). When my daughter wants to play with another child, show them a toy, talk to them about dinosaurs (whatever), if they do not show any interest (because they are already engrossed in what they are doing) then she complains that they are being mean. Clearly, in the case of my daughter, they are not really being mean. Kids interpret things differently especially at this age when they don't have the vocabulary to explain what is really happening.

Your daughter is 4. Being "mean" can mean they did not want to play with her, because they did not want to do what she wanted. It is all an interpretation. With her limited vocabulary and understanding of social situations, kids this age only know their black and white feelings.

Our daughter used to say things like this so I would just give her a few minutes and then ask her, who did you play with outside this morning? Who did you sit next to during story time? We would figure out it was an ok day after all.

You can mention it to the teacher and see if she noticed anything. But keep in mind Kids this age are very dramatic about everything.

My Kindergartener came home last week saying that no one wants to play with him. I was concerned and worried but then with some more questioning I figured that he wanted to play catch and the kids who played with him wanted to play something else instead. This week he was invited to some playdates, so I really think he's fine.

I would ask the teacher and also try to find out more from your daughter, it may be nothing, but if there is a problem, it should be addressed.

Try to figure out what they were doing that was mean- maybe she is mis-interpreting things. The good news is at this age, friendships are very fluid.

Be careful not to overreact! Talk to the teacher and get her side of the story. If nothing else but to make her aware of the situation. Sometimes kids manipulate to get out of going to school by saying the kids are mean, my nephew did this during kindergarten, so its possible that there is something else going on as well. But kids can be mean, and so if this is true, the teacher needs to be aware of it so she can stop the behavior.

Best wishes.

I agree with most here, talk to the teacher and see if he/she knows anything about this. It could have been just an overreaction on your daughters part or there could be issues arising (yes, unfortunately sometimes it does start this young). Until you either find out from the teacher or get the teacher involved you can't be certain what the real truth is at this age.

So start there. Good luck!

Also might be a good idea to why she thinks they don't like her. (Whether or not they are saying it or doing something to make her think that)

My daughter (who is 5) told me one of her very good friends was mean to her, when I asked why and what was she being mean about. My daughter stated she wouldn't play dress up with her but always wanted my daughter to play what she wanted to play.

Keep getting her to talk but also talk gently with the staff, not putting them on the spot or acting huffy, just concerned for your little sweetie. Sometimes you have to advocate so that everyone has a more positive view of your child. Most inportantly, be supportive of her and keep her talking. If you see behaviors that might be social problems, work on them lovingly at home, explaining to your daughter as you go. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I wouldn't just let it go in case there's trouble.

Perfectly normal. Try not to worry about it, its really not a big deal. She'll be friends with someone one day and not the next. Preschools interpret things to be very black and white. That's why she said they were mean and didn't like her. This could be something as simple as no one would give her a green crayon.
If she continues to have social issues over the next few days then talk to the teacher and ask what she has observed. If she is seeing a problem, then you two can work together to get your daughter on the right track.
Just tell your daughter that sometimes people are mean, just always be nice back. Try not to make a big deal about it and then she won't.

This is not unusual. So remember that something minor could have happened and now she's saying/thinking that EVERYONE doesn't like her and EVERYONE is MEAN to her, when in fact it's probably nothing. Drop an email to the teacher and make her aware and see what feedback, if anything, she has to offer. Just tell your daughter that as long as she's following her rules and she's being a good friend that it'll be ok. There's usually one child in the class that may be a bully or just not as nice as the rest so this is a learning process for your child. Help her learn what to say to those who aren't as nice. Talk about situations that may occur in class like if someone comes and takes a toy away. What should she say? What should she not say? Keep it simple but let her know that she should say something herself first before going to a teacher so that she's not always dependent on an adult to take care of the situation. This will be a year long learning process. It's not an overnight fix. Stay calm. It's normal and is not bothering her as much as it is because usually the problem isn't as big as she says or thinks.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets

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Yes! When my daughter was 3YO she went to a birthday party and I noticed the cheers when one particular little girl showed up. I mentioned something to the teacher and she said they have their clicks. She is now four and sometimes she is the big hit and sometimes she is left out.

All you can do is encourage them to be nice to everyone.

My friend took her 4 year-old daughter to a new day care earlier this year. The girls there tell her she's fat and ugly. It would break my heart if they started saying that to my child.

I'd definitely talk to the teachers/administrator to find out if it's happening (our 4 year-old is getting good at embellishing) and what can be done about it so your daughter isn't feeling isolated or bullied.

You can't make other kids want to be friends with your child, and we're seeing that happen with the boys on our street who are developing different interests and choosing who to play with and who not to. But, in that environment, the teacher should be able to monitor and correct the negativity as it's brought to her attention.

Good luck - I can't imagine how you're feeling and how your heart is breaking for your daughter.

Talk to your child's teacher. See if she has insight on the situation.

It does break our hearts to hear our child is not being treated nicely. There may be a bully in the class and it needs to be addressed.

I subbed for a kinder class in which one child with a strong personality encouraged everyone to shun one particular little girl. Everone else seemed to get how wrong it was, but went a long with the "leader" anyway. My heart absolutely broke for this girl. The mean girl was MEAN to her and made sure she was left out of all group play. It was awful.

I brought it up to the teacher, who was clearly aware and unwiling to intervene. I intervened and talked a lot about niceness and the whole class (minus bully) seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and settle into being nicer. I brought it up to the administration and they all already knew. Despite the whole school being in on it, I don't think her parents really knew. Kid was resiliant and the staff opinion was, "It doesn't seem to be bothering her too much."

The parents ended up taking the child to another school.

I would speak with the teacher and the administration of the school and see what their perspective is. Talk with the guidance counselor, too, as they have a lot of tools that they employ to help kids socially. Maybe teacher can pair your child up with someone who will include her and stand up for her.

I'm sorry you're going through this. (((hugs)))

My daughter also goes to pre-K. She hasn't told me this...yet, but I do notice when we are out at soccer, park and sometimes shopping, other girls her age will look at her and whisper to each other and start giggling. I wish I could hear what they are saying. Eventually it's going to make her feel sad too. It's really sad that this happens even at this early age.
Can you talk to the teacher, and get her and the other girls to mingle and socialize? Maybe those mean girls just need to get to know your daughter, perhaps these girls knew each other before they started the school.

Yes, it happens already in Preschool.

My daughter was actually BULLIED in Preschool.... and I told the Teacher. The Teacher talked to the class, talked to the Parents, and they do not tolerate it.
Kids are taught, in Preschool, about proper behavior.

Tell your childs' Teacher.

all the best,
Susan

It is unfortunate, but girls are girls....and they start acting like this at four. I am an assistant teacher for a pre K 4 class and I am amazed that girls start that stuff SO early. We have had some issues with "You are my best friend, but So and So is not". Then feelings get hurt. It makes me so sad to see or hear it. If I happen to be around when it happens then I just walk up to the girls and say that we want to include everybody and it's more fun to have lots and lots of best friends. Then I usually ask that they play together and they do.

What might help is scheduling some playdates with some of the class members, one at a time. Then they will know each other better at school and maybe she won't be left out.

It is so sad though. The boys in my class never do that. You want to play with them...fine. You don't want to play with them...fine too. Girls are just funny ;-)

talk to the teacher she may recall something that happened that made your daughter feel this way. also ask your daughter why she feels that way and reasure her that tomorrow will be a better day and you are proud that she is a good friend