Is This Being Selfish???

I'll answer this from the point of being a boss.

I was never comfortable with the fact that people who worked for me bought me gifts. In fact, I asked them NOT to. As one mom said, it is not a personal relationship, it is supervisor/subordinate.
I think that unless you are VERY close to the boss,(which is usually not a good idea either) you would be wise to go along with the group gift, just put in a couple of bucks.. and move on. The fact that you guys are buying something for the boss at all, is a gesture that is above and beyond. Buying something on the side might look like you are trying to get in good with him/her.
I would throw in $3.oo and spend the 20 bucks on my husband or child.

Just put in what you can afford and what feels right to you, and don't worry about what other people do.

If you want to give anyone an individual gift, then do it.

Don't worry so much about what everyone else is doing (or not).

Dear A.,

Your not being selfish, you are being petty. In this economy there may be people in your office who can’t meet the house payment or rent. In an office situation buying someone a gift or taking part in a celebration which calls for money out-of-pocket and the amount one chips in, should most definitely be OPTIONAL. If there is a set amount, it should perfectly understandable if one chooses to OPT out.

If one truly likes their co-workers and manager, simple card or note wishing them a Merry Christmas and expressing gratitude for your job is sufficient.

I personally dislike having holiday functions planned by someone in the office that feels they are the “self-appointed” social director, jammed down my throat.

The same person who hasn’t a clue and doesn’t get out much planned our last two events. Year before last it was dinner at a comedy club. The food was mediocre, we were not served as a group, and they ran out of items. (We were the first seating). The comedy was non-existent. We at least got out at a reasonable hour because it was local.

Last year, it was a bus trip to San Francisco, appetizers and drinks on the bus, show in the city and dinner afterwards. This was a nine-hour Christmas party, of which I thankfully, OPTED out!

Moral of the story….Social work functions, should be optional.

Happy Thanksgiving….and Blessings to your family….

You are not obligated to get anyone anything, period. If you wish to give something (or nothing) to your boss then that is YOUR business, not theirs. Personally I think a nice card that says "thank you and happy holidays" is plenty. This is your place of work, not a group of friends.

I think you are looking at this the wrong way. The whole holiday gift giving thing can get really awkward especially at the office. The amount everyone can afford can vary wildly, sometimes you just don't know what to get someone, sometimes you work with someone who does not celebrate any of the major religious holidays, and on and on. Secret santas, yankee swaps and anonymous donation gifts are ways of easing the social awkwardness that comes with the season. Personally, I am always thankful for the person who spearheads these sorts of things - it's one worry off my plate. It's really competitive out there right now and I can see how you might view this person as a glory hog but they might just be trying to help.
You don't say what you do but I'd think very carefully about giving a separate gift if being seen as a team player is at all important. If you want to get in the spotlight without rubbing your co-workers the wrong way try offering to help with shopping, wrapping, or getting the card/getting it signed.

Hi A.
I am with you... personally.. I am a giver.... and tend to always be one of the people who gives the most.. however, I definitely don't think one should HAVE to give or be pressured into it. your workmate is the one being selfish by putting people on the spot... if someone wants to give it should be on their own accord, not someone else's. I say give to those you want to give something to and forget the rest. it's not being selfish, it's being realistic..... I stopped participating in the GROUP birthday thing at work, I didn't like the idea of being obligated to give to some people that personally, I had to work with but otherwise, wouldn't go out with outside the office. Now, because of that, I had to bear the brunt of one or two thinking I wasn't a team player, but the truth was and is.. I did more for people than most. IF you can live with your decision A. and truly believe in it, then stand by it and don't let someone else try and make you feel guilty ... again, it was that person who is selfish.. I mean c'mon... how do they know what your home expenses are.. 20 bucks can buy breakfast, lunch and dinner for someone who doesn't eat out...

Well let the staff do what they are going to do, you can't change their minds. If you ask me, I would say they are the ones being selfish. So what II would do, is let them do the whole box, and probably not contribute to the box, but go out and get something, or even make something special for the boss. Because like you did say, he does deserve it, with making sure you get paid and what not.