Is This a Trend??

Hallo K.,
here is another extreme. I'm from Germany and my friends there just informed me, that they got rid of Kindergarten and go straight to first grade at age 5 !!!!
It is both crazy.I wish people would just relax.
Marion

What a hot topic! My son Ryan is nine and still fighting the stigma of being held back because we moved into a school district farther ahead! I asked continuously if he was doing fine and was told by the kindergarten teacher he was just fine. But his eyesight and the change in cirriculum was enough to mess him up, and his larger size is enough for stereotypical attitudes to plague a very sensitive boy. He is large, but no dumby. And yes, people do blame the parents.

You have GOT to be kidding!?!?!
I don't even know what to say.
What is wrong with people.
If the child is, for whatever reason, really not ready to start school then by all means do what is best for the child.
But to hold you kid back just so they are "superior" to the other kids in their class???? I think it says a lot about the parents own insecurities, and I think that being raised by such people will have a negative effect on the child regardless of how much better their kid is at kickball. LOL
I really wonder what the heck is wrong with people sometimes.

No, but maybe it should be? According to the NY Times article of a month or so ago that was getting mailed around, studies do show that kids who are the youngest in their grade are at a disadvantage throughout their entire school career - it's not a temporary setback. So I personally wouldn't hold it against anyone who decided to hold their child, although I don't think it's a trend and don't know anyone who has done it. I think school is more academic than it was when I started, and some kids who have just turned 5 probably aren't ready for Kindergarten.

My son is one of the youngest in his grade (July birthday) and we started him on time. He is academically fine but in first grade the physical and social differences are pretty shocking (to me) between a kid who just turned 6 seven weeks ago and kids who are turning 7 in September. As a room parent, I know the birthdays and I can see that the Alpha boys who call the shots on the playground, and who are the first reading well, are the ones with the fall birthdays.

In my opinion, if people are doing this, it's not because they want to get a jump on everyone else - they just don't want their kid to forever be behind and trying to catch up.

My husband and I have agonized over this issue. My older son turns 5 on August 28th and my other son has an August 3rd birthday. Complicating the issue is the fact that both are extremely big for their age. My older son was the 3rd largest of over 50 preschoolers, even though he was the youngest.

I'm afraid that if we send him, he could be the "big slow kid" but if we hold him back, he'll be the freaky giant.

We did send him to PK-3 and PK-4 and have decided to send him to half day kindergarten. If the 1st grade readiness test shows that he's ready for first grade next year, fine. Otherwise we will send him to full day kindergarten at a different school so as to achieve some kind of progression and not have it be thought of as being "held back". We will probably do the same with our youngest son, because as the 4th child he is catching on pretty quickly.

I just thought I'd share this possibility for anyone else in this situation.

BTW, my husband is a September birthday but was sent just before he turned 5. He strongly feels that he would have adjusted much better in school if his parents had waited a year.

At no time has athletic performance or any such consideration been a factor in our decision.

Thanks.

Yes, unfortunatly it is a trend. Although I didn't subscribe to it. My kids are doing well in the grades that they are in. Both are socially and academically fine. My 7 year old will be in 2nd grade in the fall, and my 5 year old will be going to kindergarten in the fall. A lot of educational leaders believe that it is for a more complete child and the emotional and educational level will even out. BUT, I think it has everything to do with SPORTS worthiness. They will be bigger in the grade they are in and there for "look" better.

Unfortunately, this isn't just happening in this part of the country. I moved here from NC a couple of years ago and I saw it going on there as well. It did tend to be mostly boys, for the reasons you stated... they wanted their older child to be able to participate in younger-grade sports and to be able to be one of the taller/larger children in the class and therefore not be so susceptible to being bullied (this doesn't always work!)

I find it not only irresponsible on the parents' part, but it infuriates me to think that these parents have the opportunity to choose to enroll LATE when I, as a parent to a gifted child, do NOT have the opportunity to enroll MY child early...
In fact, in NC my daughter was eligible for kindergarten and began to attend but upon transferring to IL, she missed the cutoff by 2 DAYS and was not allowed to enroll, which put her even further behind what are her INTELLECTUAL peers. IL does not view it that way though- age is everything, regardless of testing, etc.

One of two things should be happening here:
Either it should be fair and they should make you test ALL children and force them into school, OR you should have the option to early enroll AND late enroll.

Above all, I think you should do what is best for your kids. It's true that a child might not be emotionally ready for kindergarten.... so you should choose to hold the child back in that case, but in the meantime make arrangements to PREPARE that child for school- enroll them in a pre-k or preschool that will socialize and HELP them.... not just hope they hit a growth spurt and gain their popularity from their ability to fend off bullies and hit more home runs.

Grrrrrrr!!!!!

M.

I know this response is late but I totally agree with most of the responses and am in the same situation as Amanda R. Mt daughter's birthday is in December, she will be 5. However, her 4 yr.old teacher from last year says she is ready for Kindergarten socially, emotionally, academically. So, I am putting her in a private pre-K class and if she seems bored, she can advance to Kindergarten there. I believe in IL if a child attends a private Kindergarten, they automatically will be able to attend 1st grade the next year. Anyhow, it isn't the end of the world if a child needs more assistance or tutoring in a subject for school. Hopefully, most parents are teaching their children that not everything comes easy and they aren't owed anything in life.

I have heard this from many mom's. Usually with 5 yr olds entering kdgn who just turned 5 over the summer. My school age kids both have late birthdays so they were almost 6 when they started kdgn. I know people whose children had just turned 5 right before kdgn started and had to go to summer school or repeat kdgn because they just weren't ready. I don't know if it's a trend, but my neighbors daughter just completed summer school and her teacher said in retrospect that maybe they should have waited a year to enroll her in school.

Quite honestly I think you may have gotten partial information. I don't think its only for sports that ppl are holding their kids back. I think boys in general (statistically) are slower and far more behind than girls at a young age and it can only benefit them to not be pushed or rushed into failing early on if they are borderline "ready" to start school. Being an educator for many years and working with a lot of child in early intervention (I run a private clinic) I will tell you that the worst thing you can do for a kid is to not intervene early on. The children who struggle in the beginning because their parents or the school system rushed them usually end up with huge self esteem issues and consequently this has tremendous effect on their progress and development in school. If you want me to explain further I would be happy to do so but it really does not sound unreasonable considering the "cut-offs" to be so much different than they used to be and our society is so much more competitively oriented than it used to be. It is NOT for every child however those with a mild question should consider it as an option for their child's long term academic and emotional/social success.

This is the craziest thing I've ever heard! It makes me sick to think that we live in a society like this. That deserted island keeps looking better and better. It's insane!
Thanks for posting this b/c I was fully unaware of something this disgusting. I will be prepared now, so thank you K.!

Thanks,
K. :~)

I agree with you and think that is crazy. I was just talking to a group of moms at a birthday party the other week about the same thing. I brought up the fact that my daughter missed the birthday cut off by 1 month and I wanted to figure out how she could NOT have to wait an extra year to start school. They all attacked me telling me that it's better for her to wait and mentioned all of the things that you have heard. I hope this isn't the trend and if it is - I don't want to be part of it!!

Holding children back a year in before kindergarten has been happening for a long time. I wouldn't call it a "trend", but it happens more than you think. People have various different reasons. I know people who have done this, and I don't think it is bad as long as it is for the right reason. So they can have an edge up in sports is NOT a right reason. Some kids that are close to the cut off are held back for maturity reasons. I understand that. Or, if the teachers feel they should be held back, ok I understand that. My husband and I have 2 boys and have not faced this decision yet. But, we feel that if, at the time we need to evaluate this, that our son needs to be held back for maturity or developmental reasons, then we will do it (our oldest has had speech developmental delays). It isn't a decision that is taken lightly, but I do know many people who have done this (people my age and my hubby's age who were held back) and I don't feel it is wrong for the right reason.

I think that it is really none of anyone else's business if a parent decides to hold their child back for a year. Everybody parents how they feel best, and we shouldn't judge. I am glad that some parents do not need to face this issue, but I think that you need to be in that situation to really start bashing people that do it. That's my two cents.

Hi K.,
This has been a very puzzling query for me as someone who is not originally from the USA and the culture of education being very different as well and always thought "may be I don't understand this as I cannot relate to this personally". Our 9 year old son who was born and is being raised in the US is being the same way we were back home and he has always been the youngest in his class(because of a Fall birthday) and has excelled in class with his classmates, always among the top 3 in his class and also doing very well in his other enrichment acitivities. Although we push him a little bit (not much) because that is the way we were raised he seems to have no social issues or any other type of behavioral issues. He seems like a normal 9 year old. Not sure which is better or worse. Just my opinion!!!
Nitya

You aren't alone K., this sort of mentality makes me want to move my family to the country and live on a farm!

I hate this sort of competitive attitude and think it's very dangerous for our children.

Holding a child back because they aren't mature enough to bathroom independantly or are socially impaired is one thing, but PURPOSELY holding a child back because that will help them attain superstar status (academically or athletically) is ridiculous.

I agree with you completely! My son just turned five in June. This will make him one of the youngest in his class. He is more than ready!! He has two older brothers so he felt a need to keep up so he has learned some things much faster than his brothers. His brothers were both October babies so they are the oldest in their classes. My middle one is the one I actually considered holding back. I did not and I feel I made the right decision. It should be a decision made based on each individual child.

I wrote an article about this for Chicago Parent:

http://www.chicagoparent.com/article.asp?aID=5109112.###-...

Check it out,

M.

K.,

I had to read your post twice. At first, I was like, "Huh?". I've never heard of this in my circle of friends and we have more than one entering or already entered into school at this point.

I find the idea of holding back due to sports insane. Both my husband and I are former HS athletes that were on the small (short) side and we did just fine.

In all fairness, I think there ARE kids that aren't emotionally/socially ready for school, even if they are able to attend based on their birthdate. BUT, I also feel that's a decision that the parents should make together and with a pre-school teacher or the school system. I think there are programs that test children prior to entering kindergarten, but I'm not at that point with a 2 year old, so I'm not sure if that's the case or not.

I'd like to think that when the time comes, our son will be ready to enter school at 5 like most kids. I'd also like to think that if he's NOT ready, both my husband and I are able to recognize that and make a decision that's best for our son...his size, athletic ability or the fact that we want him to seem "smarter", not being an influence. IMHO, that's just wrong.

T.

WOW. This is the first I am hearing of this. Quite frankly, it sickens me. ONCE again we are teaching our children to never have to fail and that you can easily get what you want in the world. I am sorry to say - it doesn't work that way and they should be taught "old school" meaning, kids will not always be the best. Give them F's, give them the D's...it'll teach them to work harder and that things in life don't come easy among 101 other things.