Okif You Request Firmly TWICE in a Bday Invitation "PLEASE No Gifts"...

There is simply no need to even have a party if there are no gifts. How sad for this kid that could have had a normal party where everyone had a blast. Now people feel uncomfortable about the whole thing and didn't like it at all.

Don't have a party if you don't want gifts. If you don't want gifts then just have family over for pizza or something and don't call it a birthday party.

When I've been in this situation, the mom has just let the kiddo open them whenever they get there, instead of a big production in the middle. It's no big deal.

First off, the host was tacky for mentioned gifts at all in the invitation the first time she mentioned gifts. She was supremely tacky for mentioning gifts TWICE in the same invitation. To then later ask if the card you gave them CAME WITH A GIFT in front of everyone was beyond rude of them. The hostess should have been embarrassed and ashamed of herself. However I would have included in the card that you made a donation in honor of her child without mentioning the dollar amount.

You have to open them later-no choice really. You cannot let the people who followed your instructions be embaressed b/c they did so. Thats why I hate any reference to gifts on an invite.

I would do it later. I wouldn't want to make the people who honored your request feel weird.

No, of course not. You open them later so nobody feels awkward.

We never open the gifts at the party anyway. We usually only have a couple of hours to have fun, why waste it making everyone watch you open up gifts. I also don't like the idea of people seeing who gave what, because some gifts are more extravagent than others. We just thank people for the gift at the time they give it, then the kids thank them again after they have opened it.

What a horrible experience. The parents of the kid should have chosen to open the gifts later simply to avoid this kind of situation. It was ruder still to ask about a gift when opening your kids' card after having asked for no gifts in the invitation.
Above all you should not feel badly as you acted with the very best of intentions and according to what was requested.
It is a sad truth that people are well intended when they say no gifts but if you do that you HAVE to follow it up by having a strategy just in case someone doesn't follow the request and especially to avoid embarrassing your guests. THINK AHEAD

No, they should not have opened the gifts in front of everyone at the party. It's incredibly rude, as it obviously would make guests feel awkward if they didn't bring one, even though they weren't supposed to. I would be very upset.

It was very nice of you to make the donation.

Personally, I never go without a gift. Parents always say there is no need, but no kid wants to be the one that did not bring a gift.

It wasn't right of her to do that. My youngest asks for donations in lieu of gifts at parties for a designated charity & if by chance someone comes w/a gift, we open it later because we don't any hurt feelings.

I wouldn't let her get to you though, it seems like she was kind of doing this to make an even bigger production of what she already did. Some people are in it for the cause, and some people do it to be the cause of the conversation. Too bad it's not positive feedback she's receiving.

I would do it later at home. The ones who honored the request will probably feel awkward if gifts are opened at the party. If that ends up being the case then next year don't bother saying "no gifts" because everyone will be like "Yeah, right. Last year I honored that and felt ridiculous while the birthday child OPENED GIFTS!"

I think they should have been opened later especially if they asked twice not to receive gifts. The question about if there was a gift to go with the card may have simply been to make sure the card didn't get misplaced from it's partner. I would have put a note inside about the donation.

I understand your frustration - but consider this. Her kid has ENOUGH toys and really doesn't need more so she requested not to have any. Some people feel awkward not taking presents to a BDay party. Maybe her kid (or her mother in law) pushed her to open them at the party. Maybe she wanted to make sure your gift had not been misplaced. There are always a million different possible reasons why something happened. You did the right thing by honoring the invitation and your kids will see that. And THAT is what matters

Yeah, the host was tacky, but probably caught off guard. I have been in your situation and I hate it. We honored the request of no gifts, if for no other reason than we don't want to make people feel badly! So to show up doing what you were told, and have other people bring gifts is uncomfortable. The host should know this is a possibility, and even likely, and have a plan. Like saying thank you, setting them aside, and opening later. Of course sending a nice thank you note later. Rule #1 of etiquette is don't make your guests feel awkward! You were fine and did the right thing.

Open later. I have been to many parties where there are 20-30 kids and it would take 2 hours to open everything. I think if you have 10 or less kids, then its OK to open gifts. I would also like to add that I think it's strange for the host to not request gifts! I would also like to add that there are people that will bring gifts no matter what (like my MIL).

Yea, people should NOT have brought gifts. They should have given them in private if they felt the need to still give.

We have gone to several parties where families have asked for donations in lieu of gifts, and we have always donated instead, respecting their wishes.

i say later at home.

your host(ess) was tacky and inappropriate.
i'm sorry that you handled it correctly and your kids were still put in an awkward position.
help them understand that it was the right thing to do nonetheless.
people are strange.
how sad that some people think that the only purpose for a party is gifts. no wonder so many people are so avaricious.
:/ khairete
S.

So, she said "no gifts", but still asked where your gift was? Sounds like she was trying to put forth an image, that she was not concerned with gifts, when she really was.

What she asked you was rude. The gifts that were given should've been held for opening until after everyone left the party. It's just good manners. It's not good manners to EVER insinuate you expect a gift from someone. Ugh.

Not a fan of opening gifts at parties, anyway. It takes too much time, and you really get the sense of who was trying out do everyone and who may not have been able to afford much. It's boring to watch, time consuming, awkward, and hard for little kids to sit still and not mess with gifts that aren't theirs.

This has happened to me TWICE. The first was a "no gift" situation that I totally took at face value because it was the first time I'd ever encountered something like that. The other was a "give a donation" party, which I did but other people still brought presents that were opened there. Ugh. That's why I always bring a gift, even if the invitations say no gifts. So embarrassing otherwise. I totally sympathize.

I don't open the gifts in front of the guests. It really is a long drawn out process...yawn.

My kids parties have a "no gift" clause with optional donation ideas for local animal shelters, etc. They still get some small gifts (and once in awhile a big whopper). They don't open ANY of it at the party because I want to avoid the awkwardness.

Yeah, you were right, and they were wrong. Don't let them make you feel bad. You should have said in your normal speaking voice (when they asked about a gift) that "No, we were asked not to bring gifts." You should have held your head high and encouraged your children to do the same.

(Hilarious to me that people assumed it was you in their advice. Smh.)