Is There Anyone Out There Who DOESN'T Let Their Baby Cry It Out?

it definatly sounds like tummy trouble to me. have you tried the mylacon drops? i lived by those.

i read , and we all know about "they", but "they" say that it is impossible to spoil a child under 1 yr of age because they only know needs to that point. I dont know if that is true but I certainly believe it and I most certainly believe that at 5 months they are not capable of manipulation.

and if this isnt because of tummy troubles it may just be a security thing. its ok to hold your baby many hours of the day if that is what they need. i think sometimes people focus on babies and chilrens needs like food shelter clothing safety but forget that security is an actual need.

when mine were at the stage of crying when in bed i would give them no more than 15 min to cry. i knew after that then they were not going to comfort themselves and needed a parent.

i think you are handling the situation fine.

good luck and cross my fingers it isnt medical and you'll all get through it.

I know I am just reiterating what many other moms said. Could not do it. I felt physically ill when I heard her crying. I also co slept (never planned to) and that allowed me to get my sleep and be near my daughter. She sleeps in her own bed now (she's nearly 5) and has since probably 19 months. Some nights we still end up in the same bed but...oh well. There is no one right way to do it. I firmly believe if something feels wrong or unnatural to you, then it's not right for your family and don't even worry about what anyone else tells you. Believe me, I heard from a lot of well meaning family members and friends but ultimately my peace of mind, my daughter's well being and my good night's sleep won out.
That said, I have a lot of friends who did have success with CIO. Do what feels right to you. I would wait until 9 months at least though. Good luck.

I never let my baby cry it out in any real sense. I definitely did not let him cry at all until he was 10 months. When he woke in the night, I responded to him right away (usually he wanted to nurse). He woke once to twice a night until he was a little over a year. When he was about 9-10 months we started on a very strict bedtime routine (by strict I mean that we did the exact same thing at the exact same time for weeks). We did a bath, lotion and pjs on our bed, stories, nurse, song then crib, in that exact order at the same time every night.

When we first started this he cried a bit to be put in his crib. I gave him lots of kisses and then put him down. Initially I stayed in the room but that made it worse for him because he was just mad that I wasn't picking him up. So the next night I left, but stood right outside his door. He did cry for about five minutes (but it was a mad, not sad, cry) and then settled down. Had he not stopped crying, I would have gone in and reassured him every five minutes until he calmed down. I felt ok with this because I could tell the difference between his cries and I knew that he just needed to settle himself down. I think the main thing regarding going back in is having as little interaction as possible. Even if you pick your baby back up, have physical but not verbal contact - you want to communicate that it is time to sleep, not time to play - the reassurance is to help them calm down, not to engage directly with them. I think its important to do whatever helps them calm down - if they get super upset from crying they will have a really hard time calming back down.

My son would not settle himself down when he woke up in the middle of the night (not like he would at bedtime). He really wanted to nurse then and I'm sure he could have cried for an hour if I had let him. Instead, I found it much easier to just respond with nursing and then put him back in his crib. The pediatrician said that he didn't "need" to nurse in the middle of the night at that age, but hey, he thought he needed to, so thats what I went with.

It sounds like your daughter has physical issues that are interrupting her sleep. I would definitely address those as quickly and completely as possible and then expect that it will still take her a couple of weeks AFTER feeling better to get back into a better sleep pattern. 5 months old is not very old - I would not expect her to sleep through the night routinely for a number of months.

NOT everyone lets their babies cry it out and you are not crazy or "being manipulated" to respond to your little one when she cries for you.

Good luck!

B.
Momma to a toddler and baby #2 in April

I sure hope that you can find the cause of your little one's stomach upsets; it sounds miserable for her & you.
As for your other question, I don't believe in letting them cry it out anymore. We did that with our first child, & she probably did sleep through the night sooner than our other 3 (but she was also formula fed, versus the others being breastfed). But it was hard on all of us. We were much more tired in the long run! For us, we found that it worked better to have the baby in a bed close to us, so that when they awoke during the night, we brought them into our with us. Then we all went right back to sleep with no fuss. I also slept better this way, as I could see/hear at a glance that they were OK--I've always had a great fear of SIDS. Children need to learn to trust that all of their needs will be met in a timely manner, & to always feel secure. Letting them "cry it out" doesn't do this for them. Crying means that they need something, even if it is just the comfort of knowing that you are near/your arms. I choose to not deny my children that. And maybe it's just my imagination, but I think that my younger 3 have been much more self-confident & willing to try new things than my oldest, who is shyer & more timid. Yes, that could just be a personality diffence, but maybe not!

Finally I think that you should do what feels right to you & what works best for you & your child.

I don't agree with the so-called "cry it out" solution to better sleep for children. I would never do it. I've read too much research on the negative effects of that method to ever leave my baby to cry it out. When my kids would wake up crying, I would do what feels right to me........and that is to pick them up or rub their back and let them know everythings okay. Do what feels right to you. You are her mother and you have those instincts and emotions to NOT let her cry it out for a reason.

Definitely get her health checked out and hopefully she'll be feeling better soon and fall into a natural sleep cycle again.

I feel for you as we were in a similar situation. Our daughter slept when we would swaddle her up to 6 months, but at 6 months it didn't work any more and from 6 months to 9 months she would wake 5-8 times a night. Finally I pulled her into bed with me and that helped us. I heard lots and lots of advice to cry it out. I tried one time for 10 minutes and the poor thing threw up from her intense crying. I then knew to trust my instincts and just not listen to other people's advice regarding this. You know your baby better than anyone else. By the way, some of those sleep experts who suggested "crying it out" have changed their advice as there is concrete evidence that it can harm a child's brain development. I think the "crying it out" will go the way of other methods that are now obsolete. Women were built to biologically respond to a crying child for a reason-trust in yourself and try methods that make you feel like you're helping her. A great book to read is "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Babies" What worked for me (and I don't buy the one-size fits all so this might not work for you) is bringing my dauther into bed, I'd soothe her back to sleep by comforting and "SHHHHing" or nursing her. She is just one of those kids who needed more comforting to get her back to sleep. She's almost four now and sleeps great - sometimes with me, 95% of the time in her bed. I'm more flexible with sleep arrangements than some people as it never affected my and my husband's love life. (There are other places than a bed to make love:) Plus, she loves sleep overs at her cousins' and aunt's house where she has no problem sleeping by herself in a sleeping bag.

I guess I'd say trust yourself and try to find something that works for you. Good luck - the lack of sleep is REALLY difficult, but it will pass.

Hi J.,

You are right. If your little one is crying it could be a number of things. It's always good to rule everything out before letting a little one "cry it out". My sis-in-law, was watching our baby boy, and told me I had to learn to let him cry. She actually stood in the front of the door to where he was sleeping and made me listen to our son cry because she thought she was right. All my husbands sister's and mom were there. And believed this too. They just had kids and seeing as I was a first time mom, they thought they would teach me tough love. Guess what, she (miss know it all) was wrong! That was the worst day of my life and I will never do it again.

Our son was very gassy, we would lay him on his back and take both his feet in our hands and pump his legs (like he was bike riding) to help his intestines get rid of the gas.

It could be the formula/milk.

It could be his tag on his jammies. We all know how irritating those are. We had to cut off all the tags in our daughter's jammies just so she could sleep.

It could be she is teething, it's that time. Plus that makes kids irratable, gassy, upsets their tummies, etc.

You are the parent of your child. Each child is different. Mom's usually can recognize when their little one is upset.
Trust your own instincts. Learning is the best part of being a mom & dad. When we are parents, we grow with our children. We learn as a family. So what, you make a mistake, we all do. We learn, most of the times we laugh about it, and we learn from it and move on. Next situation! LOL!

Good luck!

J.

To put it simply I did not do the cry it out method with my 2 (now 4 & 2). I think it is cruel & teaches them their only form of communication is useless. Especially at that young of an age, now letting a 2 year shed a few tears is a whole different story. Both of my 2 woke up to nurse until they were 18 months & then I began to night wean them. It went very smoothly with few tears. I do think some kids wake up hungry/thirsty no matter what the doctors tell you, haven't you sometimes? Btw both my kids sleep wonderfully now all it took was a little bit of time. We co-sleep (co-slept) as well, my daughter asked to sleep in her own room a couple of months ago so now it is just my son.
Brekka

we didn't with #1 & won't with #2!

our solution was co-sleeping. it worked for us - we got lots of sleep. i always tell people that i don't know what it's like to be sleep deprived with an infant. we never let our son cio because we wanted to help him build a healthy attitude about sleep. i know a lot of people don't support co-sleeping, but our son is 4 & sleeps in his own bed through the night without issue. we're definitely not "push over" parents or unhealthily attached to him or him to us.

you could try the no-cry sleep solution, a book by elizabeth pantley, if you're not interested in sharing sleep with your daughter. i've heard great things about the book from other moms!

good luck! :)
J.
mom to chase (4) & paige (due 6.2.08)

J., defintely get things checked with a doctor, but heres how i feel, when i had my first child, i did the cry it out routine, to have him sleep, it worked, but very hard on me, my other kids did not need it as much and slept better, but too, as i had more kids, i realized that sometimes being a good parent means comforting your child and helping them through any situation they are in, and if my child is crying they must need me, or something, therefore i help them through it, and stop the crying by being there for them, yes this is hard and can be thought of pampering them, but they are young once, and today as they grew up, i dont regret having them in my arms, even all night, and i miss that now, i lost much sleep, but as a stay at home mom, it was what was best the child, and best for me, we had good bonding expereinces, so if you feel the need to hold your child, by all means do so, if it means running to their cry , to be of assistance, by all means, of course there is a balance, too, so be balanced, and if you need to tend to your child, do so, if you need to let it cry cause its tired, so be it, i do know it does not hurt the child to have its needs met, if the child has a medical condition, by all means listen the cries, and help out as much as possible, take care and continue your good parenting skills, D. s

Could not do it. I just couldn't stand to hear them cry. My mom died when I was young, and when my babies cried I would think: "Maybe they think I am gone." I always either got up with them or just plain slept with them all night.

Actually, viewed from like Mars or something, the way we put our little tiny babes in a whole separate room and let them cry is really weird. No other mammal does it. And only a certain small percentage of humans do it. I don't regret having responded to them/slept with them ... at 8 and 5 they are now big cuddlers and they sleep like logs.

Really, she's still a little young to use the cry it out method. It really shouldn't be tried until at least 6 months. We used it on our oldest, but that was only after we had exhausted every other option. We'd try one thing and it would work for a while, then we'd try something else when the first thing stopped working. Finally, when nothing else would work he would stay awake for hours and only wanted me to stand by his crib. IT would be 3:00 am and I would have been in there for 2 hours, when I'd leave, he'd turn around wide awake and cry. We finally had to use cry it out because it was getting to the point where I couldn't function at work. But that wasn't until 9 months.

You could try the pick up put down method. It's a more middle of the road to crying it out approach and can be used on younger infants. The Baby whiperer books teach this method. There are 2 The Baby whiperer: HOw to calm, connect and communicate with your baby" or "The baby whisperer solves all your problems: by teaching you to ask the right questions"

I don't, but if you're looking for a good alternate solution, I can't help. When my daughter was little (infant - 2) she cried alot at bedtime and we couldn't stand letting her cry, so I just went to bed with her most nights. Now that she's older, I can reason with her more and reward her for staying in bed and falling asleep in her bed, etc. But, in the middle of the night, most nights, she tip-toes into our bed with us and sleeps in the middle. But, we don't care...as long as I get a few hours to myself, I'm good. And, I know she won't be going to college like that. Eventually she'll want to sleep in her own room...so for now, I'm lovin' it. When our second comes, we'll see if things change...if they don't, we're going to have one crowded bed. :)

Hi J. - can't help you with the crying, but wondering if you are breastfeeding or using formula. When I had my twins, I didn't have enough milk to 'just' breastfeed so we had to use formula as well. We were having trouble with tummy aches and really stuffed up yucky noses. My mother-in-law is really into natural stuff and she suggested taking them to a chiropractor. I did that and he did this 'muscle testing' thing with the formula we were giving them and said it wasn't the best one for them. I ended up going to the store, buying all the formula and having the guy 'muscle test' them with each one (I held my son and the can of formula and he does this test pulling on your fingers) - it is quite odd and if it hadnt worked for us - I would never have believed in it. (we just returned the formula to the store right after) Anyway, we tested every formula and finally came up with one. We switched (we thought, what can we loose) and what do you know -they stopped having such fussy tummys and runny noses. I know it sounds weird - but it worked for us. 2 of my friends went as well and both of them ended up switching formulas as well. I had always used similac with my other kids - out of habit I just did the same with my twins and then realized, it wasnt the right one for them. good luck!

I am not a good one at letting my kids cry. I am 27 years old and pregnant with baby 5. I have never let my kids cry, I am always the one to go running at the slightest whine. According to my doctor there is nothing wrong with letting your child cry but there is nothing wrong with trying to figure out why they are either.

I have 2 kids (18 mo & 3 yrd) and am a total push over - I never let them cry it out. I work full time so sleep and cuddle time is a premium - the end result is that we pull the kids in bed with us. It is not an every night thing, but it helps with the sleep for all parties. When the kids were young like your little one, they went through lots of phases -sometimes there were 2-3 weeks of every night in bed with us and then there were 2-3 weeks they were on fine on their own. My thought is that kids just go through phases sometimes and sleeoing patterns are phases too. Both kids now do just fine on their own 99% of the time and are not scarred by our pulling them into bed.
Your daughter may be teething. Sometimes that causes tummy aches in addition to other aches that keep them up. If it is teeth, tyleol is a good standby. If it is tummy aches, have you tried Gripe Water? This is a natural version of Mylecon - it worked well with my second one for the first 7 months. You can find it in Babies R US or some natural food sections of the grocery.

J.-

All my instincts told me not to let my baby cry it out. I tried it for a few nights in a row a couple of times on the advice of my son's pediatrician, and it was HORRIBLE. After that, I never made him cry it out again.

I have strong feelings on the subject and I am just going to say them, even though I might offend some people in the cry-it-out camp: I really felt that it was cruel to make a baby cry it out. I believe that babies/kids/people in general! cry for a REASON!!! Even if that reason is that they are lonely, I feel a baby should not be made to cry (suffer) alone just because it is inconvenient for whoever is having to deal with them. There is plenty of time later on to help them learn to be on their own. Who really wants to be alone all night every night? When I tried to have my son cry it out, I felt like the worst person on the planet, and I would sob right along from the next room over.

I came to the conclusion that my son's crying was in part due to gas, which I believe was caused by milk/dairy. When we switched to soy and rice milk, that aspect of the crying stopped. It could be your baby is lactose intolerant.

Some ideas to try would be letting her sleep in a baby swing or bouncy seat or propped on a reflux pillow (try ARPillow.com) to keep her more upright. Make SURE you are burping her THOUROUGHLY after that last meal before bed and even for the middle of the night feeding sessions.

Look for Harvey Karp's book or DVD The Happiest Baby on the Block for more great ideas about helping baby sleep.

I think you are on the right track by trying to rule out a medical cause first. But beware- none of the doctors I spoke to thought it could be dairy causing my son's problems. I didn't sleep for over a year because I trusted them and not my own instincts. TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!! Don't be afraid to try something like eliminating dairy temporarily even if no one else seems to think it will work. (If you eliminate dairy, go at least 3 weeks before you decide if it is helping or not).

Trust how you feel about the cry it out method. I couldn't do it. for some people it works great. My sister used it with great success. Let your baby's temperament and your own feelings guide you when it comes to that issue.

Best of luck :)

I have tried it both ways and crying it out works the best. Our now 7 month old had similar tummy problems, he was very uncomfortable. We took him to the chiropractor had him adjusted and now give him acidopholis daily (live active culture found in yogurt). He no longer has gas and has regular bowl movements daily. Only you can make the decision that works best for you but your sleep is just as important as your little girls in order to enjoy your time together. Sleep deprivation nearly set off severe depression, I became very irritable and short tempered with everything and everyone. When you find out the reason for the tummy trouble, if you decide to cry it out, it only takes a few nights to settle down. Before you know it your little girl will get a good night sleep and be a very rested happy baby as well as you and your husband. A great book about sleep is Sleepless in America, it is very informative and really helps you to understand your child's personality and sleeping habits. Good Luck, it will get better.