Is There a Etiquette/manners Class for 9 Years Old?

Updated on January 07, 2013
P.S. asks from Suwanee, GA
6 answers

My 9 years old daughter is very ill-disciplened. Even after talking to her 1000+ times to take care of her stuff, keep things where they belong, eat properly on the dining table etc.etc., she doesn't seems to bother to change her habits and her attitude. She is a very good student at school and a loving/caring sister to her 5 year old brother, but when it comes to manners/etiquettes and taking responsibility for her stuff, she doesn't care at all.

My husband and I have tried so many different ways to teach her stuff, she is okay for a day or 2, but then returns back to her usual self. Any advice will be truly appreciated.

Regards,
PS

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A.V.

answers from Washington DC on

I would start with the behavior that bugs you most and work on it with her. She will need to be reminded often - close your mouth when you chew, elbows off the table, put your shoes in x location, etc.

Consider getting a bin and anything left in the main area of the house is put in the bin and they have to earn it back. If they don't seem to care that it's gone (my stepdaughter was like that), then donate it. My SD didn't take very good care of anything when she was younger. I stopped buying her expensive things. What, your CD player broke? Well, that's a shame because now you have to live without one. Gee, somehow after living without one for a bit she wised up.

Remember to praise her for what she does well and bear in mind that parenting is a marathon. You have at least another 9 years to civilize her. Do teach her what she needs to learn, but don't get caught up in small battles and lose the big picture. Habits are hard to break.

2 moms found this helpful
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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

If she's not learning it from you, classes aren't going to help her. Perhaps parenting classes for you are needed more than etiquette classes for her.

1 mom found this helpful
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S.T.

answers from New York on

We learn best by experience. If we leave our stuff around and don't pu tit away but mom does we learn that mom will put stuff away. If, however, out stuff gets put in storage/taken away for a week/month we learn to put it away if we want to see it again.

As for manners - again experience is the best teacher. I really thought my kids were horrors at the table. Then I began to hear from friends who had my kids over for meals and they comlimented them. Who knew!?

But we also learn best by repetition - the more we do something the better it "sticks". Kids need to be told something about a thousand times. Tell them , correct them , remind them, tell them again, etc. Positive reinforcement & encouragement works much better than focusing on and correcting errors after the fact. Set expectaions, comment and focus on the things she's doing right.

Remember she's only been on the planet 9 years. I promise you she won't chew with her mouth open at her boyfirend's house when she's 16 even though she does now at your dinner table.

They will model what they see not what we tell them. So keep being polite and it will rub off.

1 mom found this helpful
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D..

answers from Miami on

In her mind, why should she? What are the consequences?

She doesn't care that you think that she doesn't take care of her stuff. She looks at it differently than you.

The best thing you can do is go into her room while she is gone and spend the day pulling stuff out of it. If she doesn't take care of her clothes, pull them out of her closet. Only keep enough in there for a week. Go bare bones for toys. Really pare down her room. It will make it easier for her to clean up her room. Keeping it clean can make it so that you give her back some things, a little at a time.

Make sure that anything that she is too old for is gone. Clothes she doesn't wear, etc. Things that are out of season, box them up.

When she has a fit, tell her that until she learns to take care of her things without having a bad attitude, she will not have much TO take care of.

If you don't do this now, she's just going to act worse in a couple of years. You really need to do this now.

Dawn

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C.B.

answers from New York on

checkout Mollymanners.com

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