I have posted a lot on here about my boyfriend. My relationship is great! I cant help but feeling though I push a lot of things onto him. here are the details. Before bf had a full time job he did the cooking and the cleaning. Now that he has a job I am finding it very hard to do all of those things. This is the first relationship I have had where both of us work. All through highschool I was supporting my boyfriends and after highschool I was a SAHM. This is so new to me. I dont want to make him feel like he has to do it all, but when I get home from work all I want to do is eat, take a bath and play with the kids. I have cooked two nights in a row now( I guess everyone liked my fried chicken). YAY. Slowly I am learning how to cook which is helping him a lot but I still cannot convince myself to clean. This is where most of my problems are. When bf is gone at drill or I have the day off it is fine. I can clean. Maybe not to bf's standards because I swear sometimes he is still in boot camp but still its not like I dont do anything. I can't get over the feeling of I am asking to much of him. Is this normal after the almost 8 months we have been together that I still think this way? bf does get home 3 hours before I do but he also goes to work 3 hours before me. When I get up with bf I play with the kids, eat breakfast and get ready for work. I mean granit this is only his 3rd week of work so I know it will take a while to make a new habit but HOW? Can anyone help my brain into thinking about cleaning instead of relaxing at night?
i'm not a cleaner either.
but you can do ANYTHING for 15 minutes.
set a timer and just do it. bust it hard for 15 minutes.
then play!
:) khairete
S.
Pretty much you have to put your big girl panties on and do it. You will be hard pressed to find anyone on here that actually enjoys cleaning. We do it because it is the only way to have a cleanish house.
I just got home, cleaned for 30 minutes and then sat down here. Really if you have time to be on here there is no reason you can't clean a little. Just start with what is bugging you most, usually the kitchen, and go from there.
Do 20 minutes of cleaning every night. No more, no less.
That's how I keep up during the times I'm not working from home.
20 minutes flies by so fast, your brain won't even complain.
Only way you'll know is if you try it. :)
you need to act like the grown up lol. make a schedule and stick to it. doing the house work is not always fun but it does not have to be a big awful job either. do a little each day and if you find it is to hard to do it at night then do some each morning before work. I throw laundry in each morning and then take it out when I get home. do the bathrooms on the weekend. make the bed when you get out of it and vac when it gets crummy or needs it. dust when you have to (thats when I do it lol) but if you make a list and do them one at a time it is not so overwhelming. but you need to do it and involve the kids as much as possible so they are not the kid who 20 years from now says I am not able to keep up cause its to much to cook 2 nights in a row and still play lol. sorry if that sounds harsh but your the grownup and grown ups have to do the work. its jsut how it is.
Do you want to be dropped like a "bad habit'? Start pulling you own weight...even if you are not the best (you can BE THE BEST).
Blessings.
If you don't try, I would kick you to the crub.
I agree with Jo. You just need to do it. If you don't want to do it in the evening then your other option is to get up earlier than you usually do and clean in the morning. Also you can just try to tidy up during the week and deep clean the bathroom and kitchen on your days off.
I know it's hard but try these tips:
-tidy up when you can
-put things away at the end of the night
-make a few meals on the weekend & freeze them for quick wkday dinners
-surface clean 15 mins a day
-do laundry on the weekend
-put things away as soon as you use them
-pick a couple of quick easy go-to meals like tacos, spaghetti w/meat sauce etc
-if you have a lunch hr at work, try to use that to relax, grocery shop, return emails etc.
Silly me, I didn't know that cooking and cleaning while holding down a job and raising kids were optional. So what you're saying is that you were lucky enough to have a stay at home partner for a while who took care of the house. SAHP got a FT job and works as many hours as you, but you're still letting him carry the burden of the household tasks because you don't "want" to clean? If you had been the one taking care of things at home and then went back to work, wouldn't you be ticked that your partner still expected to be able to just come home and play with the kids and rest and expected you to do everything? About how long would it take for you to get sick of that?
Use that 3 hours in the morning after he goes to work and before you do to get something done. Sounds like you have some time in the morning (I don't know any other working parent who has time to play with her kids in the morning...most of us are running at breakneck speed to get out the door) - use 15 or 20 minutes to get things done. Flylady.net has great daily routines. In the morning, you quickly clean the bathroom (it's called "Swish and Swipe" and takes 2 minutes), toss in a load of laundry, empty the dishwasher from the night before, put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, make sure that PJs make their way back into a drawer or hamper, make beds, put away any toys/books that the kids used that morning and off you go. Seriously, it's about 15-20 minutes tops and then when your BF comes home, he'll walk into a clean house. He can do the afternoon routine and start dinner because he's home earlier, then you can help with dinner clean up and the evening routine. It's all about routines - no one WANTS to clean. We just do it. You can too.
I truly believe that life is to short to worry about the little things. When your in the middle of raising kids & working the daily grind, you don't always feel like doing cleaning. When you feel like it, clean like hell, and when your tired take the time to relax, it'll all be there again tomorrow anyways. Just breath.
No, I don't think there is anything wrong with you. I do not know ANY parent who doesn't struggle to make time for chores. Whether you both work outside of the home or not doesn't make a huge difference in my opinion - it's a team effort. Sure the one who's home more should probably pick up the slack BUT you should talk about what each one would rather do or likes to do more. Sometimes you have to push yourself to get things done -- but I think it's ok to let yourself relax once in a while.
I was surprised that so many responses seemed to kind of be harsh...try not to beat yourself up over lack of motivation. Each day is a new day and you can start fresh!! Listen to the positive influences and those who seem to judge just let go -- I know I'm going to check out the site with tips on quick cleaning for myself!!!
GOOD LUCK!!
Luckily my husband likes to cook. He usually cooks every other night and we have leftover so things just need reheating on the others nights. On the leftover nights we can do some cleaning.
Np but create a slow routine of cleaning up right after the mess is made and it will become habit
I agree with Dad On Purpose. Just do 15-20 min and bust it out. Also, get rid of the clutter. Don't keep anything you don't absolutely need or use. And it sounds like you are learning to cook? Get a crockpot. Super easy. And cook on Mon, Tues and Wed...leftovers on Thurs and pizza and salad on Fri. Plan ahead for your meals so you aren't getting fast food at the last minute. I have a ton of easy dinner recipes/ideas if you want it (or anyone else) just message me. Good luck.
