Is Parenting Hard for You?

I have two boys. Parenting was hard when they were babies until they were about two. The older they get the more I enjoy them. I'm pretty happy I had boys, because I have a hard time relating to girls! I don't get all the emotional drama, that seems to come along with little girls! I think many kids, girls and boys, would rather play video games than read a book. They would also rather eat ice cream than green beans. Just because they would rather do it doesn't mean we let them!

Parenting is hard for me. Honestly, if I knew how much I would worry & obsess over parenting choices , I probably would've chose not to have kids.

WHOA!!! I'm throwing a flag on that comment - I call BS!

Boys can't handle complex explanations??? Boys are so simple minded that we choose video games over books??? BS!

The boy will explore what you help him explore. My mom read to me. Now I'm a voracious reader. My dad never taught me so much as how to swing a hammer. Guess who isn't handy?

Of course parenting isn't all rainbows and puppies - that's ok. My wife and I decided what type of child we wanted (educated, polite, behaved, adventurous, etc) and looked around for children we knew that were like that. Then we looked at what their parents did. Guess what - they were all old school.

They said "no", they set limits, they set expectations - rewarded good behavior and punished bad. So that's how we set out to parent.

Hell no it isn't easy. The little buggers cry and whine and sound like their arm is being chopped off if they don't get a hot dog for dinner.

But back on topic - please don't abandon your input because you're a woman and have a son. Sons learn to cook, garden, read AND play video games. your husband is just being sexist.

I haven't read the other responses so forgive me if I'm repeating. Raising a child has nothing to do with gender IMO. It has to do with teaching right from wrong, look both ways before crossing the street, don't talk with your mouth full of food, how to tie your shoes, pick up after yourself, boundaries, respecting others possessions and on and on and on. THAT to me is what raising a child is all about. Raise him to be a loving caring person and it will be a job well done. :)

I'll feel badly for your son, that you and your husband dumb him down so much.

I don't need to be a man to successfully raise and relate to my son. And my husband would NEVER treat my son in that manner. In fact, he flies in the face of all the narrow-minded nonsense you and your husband are subscribing to. Guess what, boys DO read, they CAN understand more then a simple instruction, women DO need to teach their sons a myriad of things, and boys should NOT be treated like some bud light commercial. They have brains, manners, feelings, and should not be so sadly pigeonholed.

Is parenting hard? Of course! There isn't a harder job on earth, as far as I'm concerned. However, I think you need to abandon these silly gender stereotypes. They will only serve to limit, and negatively effect your child. Please don't dumb him down, because you think boys and men are oafs. They aren't, unless they are taught that, and allowed to be that.

I can't help, but be saddened by your post.

Your Husband sounds like my Husband.
Sheesh.
Men/Woman communicate differently.

I have a daughter. Then had a son.
Very different.
But I have no problem, raising my son.
It is not a matter of giving the son "masculine guidance" versus, a woman's guidance. Girl or boy, they are a child.
I always, talk to my kids and give them LOTS of "explaining"... as I am TEACHING THEM about life and how to make CHOICES.
I don't want them to be just, witless. Or, thoughtless.

My late DAD, a MAN... taught me that way. He Explained things fully, gave examples, even took us to his business meetings... so we could "see" his logic and reasons for things and for the choices he makes.
He's a guy. BUT he "explained" things... to me. Articulately, and skillfully.
AND, I always remember... that, and what he taught me.
So that is what I do with my kids.

Boy or girl, you need to guide them and teach them.
Not just grunt like a cave-man.

And no... a "guy" will NOT always choose a video game... over a book. My son, LOVES books...and he is a typical boy, all boy!
Your Husband, is going by male stereotypes.
And that is not good, to teach kids.

My son is in 1st grade too. He is 5 going on 6 years old.
I teach him.... ALL that I can and am and know. And I am very verbal and expressive with my kids. My Son... is also, very articulate and verbally advanced.... and expressive and KNOWS himself. I attribute that to... my teaching him things... versus my Husband's manner.
And sometimes my Husband, will even admit... that his Dad/Mom... did NOT teach him these things. So he's glad I am teaching our "son" as I do.

The thing is: Do you want your son, to be a male "stereotype" and a grunting cave-man type... or a WHOLE person, who can express himself and know himself and be his own person who can think on his own??? That... is how to guide and raise a child. It is not about only being a boy or girl.
I have both. I teach them both the SAME way.
Please don't let your Husband, form your son into a minimal stereotype.
That is so..... awful.
And benighted.

One day your Son will be someone's Husband.

YOU CAN BE THE KIND OF PARENT YOUR SON NEEDS NOW.
My son is also in 1st grade. I am his Mom. I teach him the way I always have. We are close. If my Husband tells him something stereotypical, I ALSO tell my Son about the OTHER WAYS of thinking and being. I do not want him to be, limited. Intellectually or emotionally.

You can do anything with your son and teach him as you know is best.

As Bug said: your Husband is "dumbing down" your son.
How sad.

Please, let your Husband read these replies.

I agree with you that parenting is hard. Far harder than I ever thought it'd be.

But, sorry, I do NOT agree that parenting boys is fundamentally different from parenting girls. All children need love, structure, and then a whole lot more love. Fundamentally, I just don't agree that there are two basic kinds of people in the world: male and female. Whatever the total number of people alive today is -- that's how many different kinds of people there are.

And, teachers, pediatricians, the whole lot -- they all recommend limiting video games. Even for boys.

Hi A.,
Women have been raising sons (and daughters) since eternity. And up until the last few decades, most did it all day long at home like you! Tell your husband to stop criticizing how you parent your son, that's ridiculous! Sometimes kids need to hear things over and over, doesn't matter what gender they are!

Parenting is the hardest job I've ever had, that's for sure. What all kids need and deserve are involved, loving and caring parents who's prime goal is creating well-adjusted and contributing members of society. It's a tall order, but that's what we signed up for, right? :)

This is actually a great question about moms and sons, at least it seems to me.

With my two, who are teenagers, the number one thing I have tried to impart is that I love them more than anything else in this world (well, besides my husband but even then I would lay down my life for sons). They're not kissy-huggy types but I know they're confident that their mom is their biggest fan. Even when they hurt my feelings I don't withdraw my love.

I don't brow beat my boys. IMHO brow-beaten boys grow up to be brow-beaten husbands. I don't want them to get too comfortable with lots of female nagging. Nagging diminishes their ability to be good leaders.

My goal is to be a quiet and gentle, but strong spirit, in their lives.

When it comes to being responsible, and growing into a man - that's where Dad comes in. Women can do it but it's a huge and difficult battle. A good dad can take a young male a LONG way.

IMHO boys naturally tug away from their mamas in time, which is actually a good thing (who wants a mama's boy at the end of this journey?). But when they know their mom's love - it's a powerful force.

Love him, guide him, and try to get Dad to understand how important his job is and that he can't leave it up to you. Take problems to Dad and listen with an open heart to his opinion. My husband has surprised me MANY times how right he has been about my sons.

Good luck - great question.

ETA: So yes, it's hard. But your son is the jewel in your crown. ;)

I have two boys, which I think is great.

It sounds like your husband subscribes to male stereotyping, which you should continue to ignore. You're probably over-thinking the whole thing, because aside from some biological discussions, there isn't a difference in good parenting for boys vs girls. Different genders are not different species. :-)

My older son usually needs things explained in detail, more than once. My younger son generally gets it the first time around.

Both of my boys like video games, but they are also both voracious readers. Just this week I had to force them to go through and give up a bunch of books, because their three bookcases were just too full.

I think its hard. Especially if you want to teach them what does not come naturally (sharing, kindness, manners, respecting parents, good work ethics, gratitude, and using more than 8% of their brain.) It would seem easier for a time if I let them decide to watch tv all day instead of read or paint, or let them choose junk food over nutritious food, but I don't let them choose. I work all day getting them to be better and do better. Your statement about what your husband says in regards to parenting has me making faces. My kid would choose to smear feces on the wall if I let them, but I don't. Kids need guidance. Do I sometimes find myself explaining things beyond their ability to comprehend? Yes. So should I stop explaining things? NO! Its a challenge to keep lessons age appropriate and be heard without just beating a dead horse or sounding like a broken record. Thats why we have to be creative and on our toes and try to stay one step ahead of them. Its exhausting.

You may only have one kid, but he does not have a sibling to be his playmate, so you have your work cut out for you to keep him busy mama. Give yourself some credit.

Let me start off by saying that I had not experienced such depth of love until I had my son......I have no doubt that I could lay my life down for him without a moment's hesitation as I am sure other moms feel......he is only 20 months old so I might change my point of view once he is a teenager ...........just kidding..........but I do agree that parenting is hard...very hard.....it is not for the weak of heart or easily flustered....my little guy is very spirited, opionated and stubborn....so it is a challenge every day....but I wouldn't have it any other way except of course for more sleep................the whole world seems to light up when is says "I wuv you".
I am an avid reader and some books that have helped me are:
1. Love and Logic
2. Raising Cain
3. Magic 123
4. The baby whisperer
5. Happiest Baby on the block
6. Happiest toddler on the block

I do feel that my husband plays differently with my son.....and will often comment that our little one says "Hi" and "bye" in a sing song gentle tone like a girl (there is nothing girly about this little car truck loving boy) since he mimics me........he will also put his sunglasses over his head like me :-)
I don;t worry since I feel like I am bringing a female perspective of gentleness to his boyishly gruff personality and as long as my husband is involved and does his part we will be balanced!!!

Of course parenting is hard! I have a girl and a boy and I have a better relationship with my son than daughter. That being said, they are both different, even tho she is a tomboy...lol! Sure your husband can be there to do "man" things with your son...good for him. But its usually the moms who *raise* the kids anyway. We teach them how to take care of themselfs, whats right and wrong, explain feelings and emotions, help them with issues that come up....its hard! But don't assume just because your son is a different sex from you that its more "difficult" to raise him. And of course boys like to read! Not all of them sit in front of the tv all day. Get the book "Raising Boys" by Biddulph. Good luck.

I do find parenting my son a challenge because I never "played" like a boy! It's gotten easier now that he's into things that I am more familiar with (superheros, Transformers, sports, etc) but getting on the floor and playing with trucks was completely foreign to me! My husband is good about showing me how things work and making sure that he's doing enough "guy stuff" and they spend a lot of time together.

What is interesting is that we now have a little girl and my husband is finding himself in my position. He adores his baby girl (4 months), but when we first brought her home he spent very little time with her and it hurt me to point of me yelling at him one night about it. He openly admitted that he didn't know "what to do with her" and asked me to show him how to change her diaper, dress her, bathe her, etc. It may sound silly, but like he said to me "You didn't know how to play trucks and I'm not going to know what to do with Barbies, but I'll learn so she'll want to play with me too".

They don't come with manuals, so we're learning as we go along and our son is pretty quick to let us know when we're off the mark too!

It sounds like you are doing fine and your husband is just wrong. Boys don't need explanations? Huh? Reading is way better than video games for boys and girls. I am sure the many male authors in the world would take issue with your husband's stereotyping. I would say what boys need is what girls need - less gender stereotyped and more individualized parenting.

Of course it is hard. Its the hardest, best job I have ever had. I have a girl and boy. Are they different, yes. Not just because they are different sexs but because their personalities are different.

He loved to draw, color and build stuff. My daughter did as well. My son can do laundry and my daughter can throw the perfect football spiral.

I don't think you need to raise your son with stereotypical ideas. MOST kids would rather play a video game than read a book - that is not reserved only for boys! Some boys like to cook - nothing wrong with that. Some boys want to learn to sew - again, nothing wrong with that. You should continue to expose your child to anything and everything (appropriate) and don't give him preconceived notions about what boys do/like vs. what girls do/like. There will be some things that he will do with you and there will be others he will do with his father. Let him decide what interests him whether you or hubby think it's a "boy thing" or "girl thing" doesn't really matter.

It seems to me that the older they get the more they relate to there fathers or they develope a stronger bond between the father and child. As babys they mostly reley on mothers (breast milk). As they get older and have more questions and needing direction it seems like the father is stepping in more. I still find child development books to be very helpful.

I can certainly understand and relate. I have one child, a boy(8). He certainly is quite easy going, and is a happy person. My problem is, is that my husband always says I "baby" him too much. Which, for me, I tell him that I am helping him understand certain things. My son still loves to snuggle with me, and is a very loving child. We are very close. I find it's hard to give him more independence, because I still see him as " my baby".

Now that my son is older, he wants to do things by himself, which I let him. I have no problem letting him get dressed, brush his teeth, get food for himself, etc. However, I won't let him play outside of the house unattended. My husband, however, thinks it's fine for him to play outside while I stay in the house. So, as I compromise, I sit on the inside of the front door, and watch.

I think parenting is wonderful, but sometimes , it can be difficult in working with your child's growing, and letting them do certain things without you.

Yes parenting is hard, and will probably always be! I have a 13 year old daughter soon to be 14 next month and she's really obedient I hardly have trouble with her. But I have twins on the way, I have no idea how they'll act in the future!

Personally, I dont think parenting is VERY hard, until they hit the teen years!

Parenting is hard or we would never have to discipline :p
It's an evolving process as the children grow and mature. Every child is different and has different needs, even with the same parents in the same home. It's all about making the effort and doing the best you can.
I used to tell my ex that despite their parents, we had pretty amazing kids...

The hard part about being a parent is that there is no Owner's Manual. Most of us do not have all of our female extended family within a few blocks like it used to be. Imagine how much great info we would get if we had regular times of sitting with our grandmas, moms, aunts, sisters, etc.

"Bringing Up Boys" is an excellent book by James Dobson. Since he isn't a handful, you probably don't need the books I needed way back when: "The Strong-Willed Child," "Parenting Isn't for Cowards," and "Dare to Discipline."

Have fun!