Hello A., I am the mother of 5 as well as the grandmother of several. We have several that ae this way. We call it personal space and personal respect of others things. I can say that she is totally normal! Many 4 yo are transitioning from toddlerhood to young children headed towards school age. For tht it is acceptable to have thier own boundries and standards based on what you have taught. Remeber that if she is in day care as well, she has visually seen things and taken in that information and that helps with her decision.,
I understand that our one daughter said that becasue she took time to take care to make sure her hands were clean but she didn't know if another had that she resented someone taking things off herplate, and would not eat anymore food from that plate, or if she saw someone useing fingers to taste food while its being prepared instead of using a spoon or fork will refuse to eat it. In this world as they get older it is a matter of safety so it pays off by the time they are teens. With our grandchildren who are this way with food I let them see my every step of cutting thier food or I cut off the "broken parts" so they have a solid pice and then we cut it. I have several that are absolute no compromise in thier organization of things. It helps them to be organized and ready in all areas of thier lives as students and on the job.
If you were to go to a restraunt and they brought you food that was torn or a hambugar that was in pieces you'd send it back right? well being at home is the place to prepare for that.
Pleae be cautious about saying things like " then go hungry for all I care, or that's what there is so accept it" becasue I know of one young lady that nearly starved herself because she litterally did wha twas said. Her parents now teach others to becareful of what they say.
She is being a normal royal princess little girl. I have to say with my sons although highly organized with things they were not even aware of what they ate!