Is Marriage the Ultimate Goal in Life??? Just Curious, Not Being Ugly

I love being married and can't imagine not being married. That being said, my ultimate goal is to have a personal relationship with my heavenly father and to spend eternity in heaven.

My ultimate goal was to have a child/children. There is no way I would do that without a loving, stable marriage. (That's not a knock to single moms, at all! I know my limits and I can't do it on my own, and I don't want to.) So, in a round about way...marriage was the goal. I didn't worry about it, or really even think about it. I didn't fantasize. If it happened, it happened. Lucky for me, it did. I have an awesome husband and a wonderful son. If I didn't get married and have children, I would have certainly learned to handle that, and done just fine...but that was my ultimate goal...if it was possible.

No, marriage was not my ultimate goal.

I'd been married before, but my plan was to stay unmarried to my partner (now husband, because believe it or not, being an uninsured mom is not a good plan) for as long as we could swing it. Having a baby changed that, or rather, having health issues after having the baby changed that.

What cracks me up even more (and not to be mean) are the people who say "every little girl dreams of her wedding day/dreams of marrying a prince". No, not true. Some of us dreamed of having a magical bedroom with pinball and video games and a machine that made nachos all day.:)

my personal beliefs are that marriage is very important in raising a happy family, being happy yourself, and earning eternal life.
i know you say you dont want to get married, and maybe you arent meant to, but if it comes your way and theres a possibility that its something you want, dont push it away.
i dont think there is any problem with not looking for a relationship, but there is one with rejecting them!
enjoy your life and let your love flow naturally to others around you!

lol, hazel. i totally thought the same thing about the dreams, i never cared about getting married, for all i knew i would become a traveling gypsy or something! lol, but here i am! and happier than ever!
i also want nachos now, darn you! LOL

http://lds.org/family/proclamation?lang=eng

I actually think my goal in life is to be happy, whatever makes that happen. I waited to get married at age 30 when I "thought" I met the "right guy". Not so much and was divorced at age 40. At that time, I had just started my own biz (insurance agency) had a nice house (lost it in the divorce) and a boy and girl. I KNEW I was never getting married again, no freaking way! Then, as they say, it happens when you least expect it...happily married to a wonderful man (7 years younger than me too!!) who loves me and my kids more than anything. So if you do want to be married, just be open to it. But if it never happens, that could happen to and be happy with that. Life is a funny thing. One thing for sure is that it is WAY to short to waste it being unhappy, whether by yourself or with a partner. Good luck!

Man, I actually went so far as to question my own womanhood because some people were so hell bent on getting married and I just simply was not. I did not like going to weddings, the thought of a big boofy dress and a formal party with weird colors and .....ug. I didn't like them, so I wasn't dreaming of one. My old roommate would pour over bridal magazines that (to me, at that time, cost an insane amount of money and I couldn't imagine doing that). She looked me straight in the eye and said "You know, every girl dreams of her wedding and if you say you don't, then you are lying". She was so serious! Maybe something's wrong with me? Am I not a real girl? (Thinking about Pinnochio, just wanting to be "a real boy"). But...I still didn't look at those things. Other girls said similar things and also talked about the motherly instinct that even an animal has so....since I was scared to hold a baby and had never changed a diaper, I thought that maybe I didn't have all the girl genes or something. I was kinda terrified! I enjoyed my guy friends. I enjoyed dating for fun (not so much on the long time stuff). I loved traveling and the freedom to explore whatever crossed my path or fancy, I loved experimenting and trying on different "lives" and personas (I was young, just trying different things on to see who I was, what fit). Later I wanted to be a missionary and Corrie ten Boom (a missionary even into her 80s who never married) was a hero of mine. I never really thought much of it, I just kinda accepted that I'd be like that. That was fine, even cool, to me. But then I met my husband. Things changed. I went through a lot of healing with him, I realized things about myself that I wasn't really aware of, like how I would get my feet wet in a relationship, think "Ok that was fun" and then push or run because I didn't want to get hurt or find myself in a position like my mom. Things from my past came up and I had to deal with them bit by bit. My husband made me confront and deal with things, but through love and remarkable patience. No, I wasn't looking to marry---not even him. He had to face a lot of demons too. But by the time it was all said and done, hark, we were getting married. Flying a small party of 6 others into the Grand Canyon in helicopters and having a ceremony there, in my jeans and pretty sweater, lol. We have an awesome relationship. The best marriage I've ever actually seen up close. We're happy. It happened. But it wasn't the main goal. Not at all! We're still pursuing our main goals, together...as travel companions and helpers on life's journey. That sounds totally dweeby, borderline Hallmark-ish. Gag. But it's true. We met up, were looking for the same path, and now are on it together. There's loads more goals to go! We're just enabling, encouraging, sometimes cracking the whip to go down that path together. I heard someone say that you can't be a couple if you aren't even yourself yet. Two half people do not equal one whole person. The definition of single is 1, whole, complete. I suggest you just live your life, work on you, be a whole person, a happy person. And then if you meet another whole person who is complete then you can join up and be a real couple if you so wish. But half people don't really make healthy relationships. That's my opinion at least.

You sound so sweet..especially to work with the aged.

I do think that inherently it is the ultimate goal of most. We are physically made to have children and that means bonding with someone to raise offspring.

THose around you love you and care about you. THey know what joy and security and fulfillment comes with being married.(not to say that there aren't some crappy days!) ANd..I am not saying that marriage automatically makes one happy. But when two people come together and have a mutual affection,attraction and devotion to one another and family then I don't think you can surpass that joy. (But being selfish and marrying someone selfish could make life a living hell.)

How about you sit with one of those golden oldies and ask them how they made it work for soooo many years. When you are that old you have seen some pretty rough times. Ask them how they made it through? How they kept the love alive? If they could go back what would they change? What do they think is most important in finding a devoted and loving spouse?

Just an idea to put a spin on people constantly asking you quesions or telling you that you will find love someday. And you can use their wisdom in helping you navigate through the men that come your way so you won't make "anymore bad mistakes".
I wish you the best. Keep your head held high..don't let past mistakes define your future...and keep loving that little angel boy with all your strength.

What's "preshate?" Is that "appreciate?"

The goal of life is not marriage, but I do think the purpose of life is to love and be loved. I believe that in all seriousness. And I think that humans are intended to share their lives with a partner for love, parenting, sex, support, friendship, bonding, etc. People that are married tend to be healthier and live longer.

Obviously I'm not talking about abusive marriages/partnerships/unions.

I'm just of the frame of mind that it is not being married that really counts, it's the quality of the marriage and the man that you decide to spend the rest of your life with that really matters. I've been married twice. My first one was a really bad one with the wrong guy. My second one is the polar opposite - loving, supportive, authentic and joyful. There's a big difference.

The advise I am planning on giving my daughter when she grows up is that she shouldn't worry so much about getting married as she should be on finding the right guy for her that compliments her life. If the guy doesn't lift her up and supports her, and if he is just a fair weather type of guy who can't handle life's curve balls, then he is not the guy that you want to commit your life to. It's better to be single and just take care of yourself (and your children) than to have to take care of a guy that you don't get along with.

Being in a good marriage is the bomb! I wish that kind of partnership for everyone because it is nice to be with someone who loves and supports you and understands you jokes, or admires your quirkiness or strong opinions. But being married just to be married or being married to the wrong person, in my humble opinion, should not be a goal for anyone. It's settling and there's too much pain that comes with that sometimes.

For the record though, I have to say that I really loved my single life when I did have it. I have embraced marriage when I have been married but when I have been single, I embraced my status as a single woman as well. I really did make the most of it and had a lot of freedom and fun times. It also gave me a chance to develop some really awesome relationships with some girlfriends that are still my soul sisters to this day.

Anyway, this is all just my perspective. Perhaps you share the same point of view.

Blessings.

To propetuate the species we need to procreate. The healthiest form of this is within a committed relationship.
That being said - it's better to raise your kids by yourself than with a crappy man!!!!

I didnt really have a response for this until I read Hazel's response...I never really thought I would get married...I find this statement now that I am older to be a joke..considering I was engaged a total of three times, married a total of one time and am still married. So, the thought of being single living in the city working was only just a childhood fantasy for me. My reality is that I really loved my hubby and cant see myself without him...even if I tried:)

My childhood Fantasy of how life would be was I would have a nice really big apt....a job I was totally wrapped up in, and many lovers....It seemed almost too ''Hollywood'' a dream though. And I am very happy I didnt make the choice, I am pretty sure I would be a very empty and sad person had I gone that way....I have been able to grown and find alot more that I am capable of. I had no clue I had being a mommy in me.

So ultimate goal...NO
Pretty glad it found me and I have been able to work within myself to stick with him...YES

I don't believe marriage is the "ultimate" goal. I believe the ultimate goal (in this life) is to be kind to others, help your fellow man when and where you can, to love all mankind and to spread the love of God.

I DO believe that marriage is a wonderful thing (when done right ;) and that it's important. I can't imagine not being married to my wonderful husband of 15 years. We have six children together. God willing, we'll grow old together, and see our grandchildren (and great grandchildren!).

My best friend was raised by a single mom, and she is the kindest, most loving and most "well adjusted" adult I know! Her Mom actively opted not to "date" and try and find a husband, and instead to raise her and her brother. Marriage is not absolutely needed to raise a happy child. It is, however, easier and has better "odds".

But you sound like an amazing mother who has her heart set on the right thing; doing right by her son. Whether God's plans for you include a husband or not, you'll be great. :)

I think most of us have an innate desire to bond with someone. We WANT to be known by someone else. We want to have that closeness and to feel like we matter in the world. That we will be missed if we weren't here. Ultimately, we don't want to be alone. And when you find that someone who you bond with, who complements you (not pays compliments TO you, but IS your complement like in geometry), then you want to grab hold of that and hang on. We want someone to understand us and help us shoulder the burdens and share in our joy. There is joy. And then there is SHARED joy. They are not the same.

And you are right that those elderly folks are not trying to make you feel bad at all. From my experience (being a happily married person talking with someone not in that current circumstance) they have only the best in mind for you when they say "you'll find..." They want you to have the fullness of joy that they have experienced.
Is it the "ultimate goal" in life? No... but it IS a wonderful part of life that I am glad I am not missing out on. I have a soft spot in my heart for people who have not experienced it... I know how lonely it can be sometimes when you face the world and the burdens of it on your own. I could not really understand how alone I was, until I wasn't anymore. It's one of those things that cant be understood until you are the one walking in those shoes. I never could understand it, until I was the one who was found by the perfect companion for me. (He's not perfect; I'm not perfect; but we are perfect for each other). But was I in a rush to run out and get married, and sit around poring over bridal magazines??? No way. And it's not true that it's a lie if you never sat around dreaming of your wedding. I didn't. I always sort of "expected" that one day I would be married... but I didn't sit around planning my life around that expectation and waiting for the day. When I met the right man at the right time, however, I knew that I never wanted to be without him. And even then, the dress and the cake and the flowers and blah blah blah... weren't of the utmost concern.
I think for most people, the ultimate goal (as you refer to it) is to love and be loved. To not be alone. To have someone always there to share with (good and bad). And most people find the "answer" to that in marriage.

Oh... and I wanted to add that I don't think that all marriages fill that for everyone. But that is what people usually are HOPING for when they DO marry. And that is my answer as to why it seems to be the "ultimate goal" to some people... the means to an end-- the marriage is the means, not the goal itself.

I bucked the system after my divorce. I was miss independant for 15 years! All the married women in my life would look at me with pity and tell me, I'm praying for a good man for you. I would think...gag me. He better be out there praying for me! When I finally humbled myself (which is really what it took) and let someone in, things got a lot easier. I realized I was swimming upstream that whole time. I never knew what the big fuss was about being a single parent, until I wasn't one anymore. Once I had help, I realized just how difficult my life had been. I finally realized I don't have to do this by myself and that's a load off. If I didn't have kids, I don't think I would want any part of it. But having a partner is very very helpful!

No. I would not say it's the "ultimate" goal in life.

I think you're WAY ahead of the game if your life is great without being married. First. Then, at least you schtuff is in order and a good situation to find someone you want, rather than need.

Maybe what they mean is that it sometimes happens when you least expect it. That seems to happen a lot.

I think it says a lot for you that you don't have this "urgent, ultimate" feeling of "needing" marriage.

I just don't get people that feel they are "half of a whole"! I mean isn't it better to be a whole and join with another whole? LOL

I recently got married... definitely overrated. Marriage seems to be mainly a financial stability arrangement - hopefully with someone you care about (maybe love) and can respect and depend on.

I never thought I'd get married, and I TRULY did not have to - but felt everything fit well at the time. I could survive being just my pets and children... but I'll not lie that having a man around is useful and comfortable.

I think it's a generational thing. Older people think that way- back in the day, it was unheard of for a young lady not to marry- unmarried women were referred to as 'spinsters'. So it's not odd to me that those older people ask you that all the time.

As far as your younger friends, I think that when someone finds such happiness with a partner, they think that everybody should feel the same happiness in finding a partner. I know that I wish every day that my bff would find a man because I know in my heart she would find a happiness that she has never known. Not to say that she isn't already happy, but in a different way.

It was definitely my ultimate goal. My parents are best friends. I was lucky to grow up watching them enjoy their time together. I wanted that! I wanted a partner that I would enjoy life experiences with and raise children together. BUT, marriage is not for everyone. I know plenty of people who aren't married and are very happy.

I'm 68 and so I can tell you that these elderly people lived in a time during which it was expected that they marry. There really wasn't much of any another option available to women. Women did not have careers. I began my adult life during a time that careers for women became an option but marriage was still the expected norm. Now, marriage isn't expected. You're getting asked because of their age and what was expected when they were young. They don't realize that you can be happy and unmarried because that wasn't an option for them.

For your senior friends, yes it was definitely the ultimate goal. For people my age who grew up in the 50's and dated in the 60's - well, we said it wasn't our ultimate goal...but it kind of was. I was a single (divorced) mom and always felt bad about it, carried all this negative guilt around. For the current generation, I think it really is changing and I think that's really healthy. Just enjoy your son - don't sweat the "traditional" family thing - there's a lot of "traditional" families that aren't all that happy. And if the right guy doesn't come along - don't hesitate to go after having that daughter you want anyway. You don't need a husband to add to your family. Be happy and go after all the dreams you can!

Well I believe in so my aspects of marriage. I love my husband with all my heart but he is not a great conmunicator. Some days its frusrtating how much he forgets to tell me. Then he kisses me or plays ball with one of our kids and I remember how sweet he can be at times. Surround yourself with positive people. When your not looking for the right guy he will show up. God bless