J.M.
Hi C.:
You've received some great responses,but I thought I'd share My experience and thoughts with you.
I lived with A man for 22 years,before we married. I can laugh about it now,telling those who question why it took so long,That "Well.We just wanted to MAKE SURE we knew each other real well" lol.Only he and I knew the hidden reasons why.I'm going to be perfectly honest with you here.We both experienced tremendous heartbreak from previous relationships,It was because of this, We both were terified to give our WHOLE HEART to any one person again.All of our love evolved around those beautiful children we were blessed with from those marriages.Without going into debth, My sons lived with us most of those 22 years,and our relationship was often shakey.The boys appreciated the fact,that there was a male figure in their lives,as their biological father saw them once a year,for a week.While the boys liked my boyfriend for his bright, articulate ways and his somewhat witty sense of humor,they never really respected him.I didn't recognize the signs till later,when they were teens.But I failed them in a sense. They felt insecure,and experienced feelings of animosity toward him.They resented him for his taking the relationship with their mother so matter of fact.They questioned his sincerity,and true feelings towards me. In their words."If he truely "Loved you" "He would make You his wife".I never realized,that it was so vital for my sons to feel Their mothers heart was not being taken advantage of. They weren't looking for a (Daddy figure) They were over those feelings of animosity,and hurt,and had moved on. however it troubled them,that this man,whom I shared a bed with and cooked for was not willing to to make A commitment to me. It wasn't just him,I was comfortable not having to worry about another breakup another heartache.What we were doing,was denying to ourselves,that we had any intimate ties.That we could leave any time we wanted,and experience no regrets,or feelings of loss.Well. We were lieing to ourselves.We had fallen in love years before. It was as if we were pretending. To ourselves and each other,that if we didn't marry,neither of us would get hurt.Many of our breakups during those years,were because of fears we both had of each other leaving.The lack of security,and infidelties. We broke up for a year,got back together,and finally married 5 years ago.Our Grandchildren told us. "Its about time" Did it make a difference in our relationship? You bet it did. It allowed both of us to put past heartaches behind us,and admit to ourselves,and each other that we are and always have been "In Love" We both feel more secure making A commitment before God. We have every intention to give our Love,our relationship everything we've got.I guess the moral to this story is,You can deny yourself complete happiness,but then your heart will never feel whole again.I wish you love C..J. M.