I need some help with an etiquette question. My dad is a professor at one of the local universities, and has several close colleagues whom he has become close to. One of his colleagues, whom I have met several times, but do not know well, has an adult son who died a month ago from cancer.
My dad assumed I knew this, and mentioned it this in passing conversation this morning. Ii was shocked, as I had not heard this new before. given that I didn't know this colleague very well, nor the son at all, may I still send a sympathy card, or is it too late? If I send a crd, what do I say, given it's a month late?
thanks for your help!
Thanks for everyones advice, I appreciate it. I will go ahead and send a thoughtful card today. TF/Plano, I especially appreciate your feedback, and again, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.
Send a card and offer you condolences. You do not need to mention the time span. condolences are always welcome.
ETA: M., no problem. I am glad I could help. Unfortunately I do have raw experience from it right now but I can say I truly appreciate it when I get a card. I guess it depends on the person and how they are grieving.
I appreciate all of the kind words and messages I have received from so many of you here on Mamapedia!
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Speaking from experience because I just buried my husband 5 weeks ago, a card is appreciated.
Don't bother to say you just found out or anything. Just let the family know you thought of them.
We opted to say instead of flowers to donate to the TX Scottish Rite Hospital for Children. My husband was active with the local Masonic Lodge and they support this hospital and the patients are not charged fees.
I received another letter from the hospital today with a thank you and an address of a family I do not know who sent a donation in my husbands name. That made me thankful.
Of course you can send a card. Don't make apologies for or even refer at all to the "lateness" in it - that will put the focus on you and on your father for not telling you. Just say you were saddened to learn....etc. Say whatever you normally would, that you hope he is comforted by memories, etc. Don't put anything religious in it unless you are absolutely sure of the family's religious beliefs.
A month is not "late" - in fact, it might be even more helpful since the flurry of cards and attention will have faded away and people will have gone back to their regular lives. As Thanksgiving approaches, there will be a new wave of loneliness and so your card might come at a particularly good time.
It's never too late to send a card...Speak from the heart, let the person know that you recently found out and then say what you feel..
OR just say what you feel and don't explain anything.. a month seems like a long while ago to people who aren't grieving, but to someone who is, a month can feel like just yesterday... a month is still VERY early on.... also, I tend to like to send a card AFTER the funerals and services are over... The reason is... often, a person's grieving process begins once they are trying to get back to "normal" once all the well wishers are gone.. to me, that is the most difficult time.. by sending a card later on, it shows the person that you are still thinking about them... also, for some, I send a card every other month for the first year... to say hey, I am thinking about you... just checking in.... etc etc.. IF religious, I buy them a mass (for example, at Christmas time) whatever traditions are specific to a family, I try and adhere to those practices.. even though I may not practice them myself..
it's never too late. also, if he had an in lieu of charity you might consider making a contribution in his son's name. to lose a child must be the most unbearable of things to endure all the support he can get is important. i'm going to hug mine extra hard when we get home. S.
No, it's not too late! Please go ahead and send one. It will mean a lot to them.
Just tell them a little of what you said here so that they have a frame of reference for who you are. It doesn't have to be long. Tell them that you were glad that you knew him and you are sorry for their loss.
Nope, not to late to let someone know you are thinking of them and that you care.
I would avoid a pocket full of excuses and blame such as "It would had written sooner. My dad just now told me."
It's never to late to let someone know that you are thinking of them and wish them well. if it makes you feel better, write a note that your father just told you the sad news....
There's no such thing as a late sympathy card.
You say exactly the same thing as you would have a month ago.
"My deepest sympathy for the loss of your son.".
Keep it simple.
It is never too late. :-)
of course not. it would be a thoughtful thing to do and i'm sure they'd appreciate it.
khairete
S.
