I am in my 3rd Trimester with our third child. I ran into my husbands Aunt at Wal-Mart, she asked me how I was feeling, how our other two kids were doing, etc. We made small talk for about 10 minutes. Somewhere in the conversation she asked me if I was going to get my tubes tied. I was shocked. I just looked at her with the still shocked look on my face and matter of factly said absolutley not, I am too young (25.) She then proceded to tell me that "well, Matt (my husband, her nephew) needs to get a vasectomy then." WHAT?! I couldn't believe that came out of this womans mouth. This is not an Aunt that we are close with, we see her at family functions, Holidays, and we stop by her house on Halloween. We have never indicated to anyone at anytime that this is going to be our last child. Sometimes I just don't understand what gets into people, and why they don't think before they speak. Okay, rant over. Now that I think about it I should have responded with "No, Amy. I am not getting my tubes tied because we want atleast 3 more kids after this one." I bet she would have loved that. In reality though we would love to have 4 or 5 kids. We have always wanted a big family, he is an only child and I was raised as an only child. My Mom remarried and had my sister when I was almost 17. Sometimes family just kills me.
I would have responded, "well, that's for me and my husband to decide." that's what I usually said when perfect strangers would see me with my young son and daughter and say, "You have one of each. I guess you're all done.". Really!?!
Maybe she was drunk? Seriously, half the time I run into people I know and they say off things, I notice the smell of alchy on their breath.
My husband and I went to our son's first appt. with his pediatrician, days after he was born. It was our first child and we were excited. During the appt. the doc asked me if I planned to go back to work and I said that we had decided that I'd be a SAHM. She looked at my husband and said, "Are you sure you can afford that?" Wonder what she would have done if I had said, "Gee...we hadn't considered that. Do you have a few minutes to review our finances with us?? Maybe we should reconsider this huge life decision, based on your off-hand remark." Fool.
I agree with Dawn.
Skip her house this year at Halloween.
She WILL know why.
It will make your point.
There's nothing worse than being caught off-guard by a rude remark and then stewing about all the things you "could" have said! Grrrrrr.......
IF she ever says it again--you'll finally have your chance!
What a dope! And what nerve. And this from someone who you are not even close with? If it was your mom saying this or his mom - it would be almost typical. But some Aunt. Ugh...
I have a feeling that perhaps she is jealous - you're nice and young and have this great little family going.
Forget it. Laugh about it. Don't let it bother you. This is a great place to rant, right!!
And congrats on your soon to be baby!!
Of course it's okay. The comment was rude, no matter who said it!
Good luck with your new addition!
The aunt is totally out of line with her inappropriate response and was sticking her nose into you and your husbands private business. Sometimes the best answer is no answer so as not to honor such an out of line and outrageous remark.
I'm sorry. Yeah, it's crazy what people think and say. When I was pregnant with my 4th, my oldest was 15 and almost 16 at her birth. With 4 girls, we had a lot of these kinds of statements from total strangers even.
So one day we were visiting an Aunt and Uncle that I rarely see. My uncle says to me, "I thought you would have figured out how this happens by now".
People usually assume when a baby comes a long 10 years after the current youngest, that it was an oops. But not at all and really, not that often. I talk to people ALL the time that have later children and love it.
Enjoy this baby. I'm so envious of you right now! Your entire situation is too fun to be worried over anything.
I really cannot fathom the gall of some people. How rude.
Unfortunately, when we are blindsided like that, it is hard not to answer. I remember Dear Abby saying just because someone asks, we don't have to answer. She recommends responding with, "Why do you want to know?"
Yeah, I would have gotten my feathers ruffled as well. My best advice is ignore her. You really don't care what she thinks anyway.
Next time say "4 is the new 3, so no, we've still got more kiddos to pop out." Blink blink. Put the ball back in her court.
How tacky - I don't blame you for being annoyed.
She was just being plain old rude. People do that sometimes when you are in your 20's. People used to always ask me why I wasn't married and why I was still single? I got married for the first time at 43. Sometimes people would even go as far as to ask me if I even liked men? People would also ask me when if I planned on catching up to my sister in having children. At the time she had 5 and I had 1 but was raising her 5. My sister now has 14 and I have 1 by birth and 1 by marriage. I don't think I will be catching up with my sister's record and people always ask her if she is done or about birth control or about her getting her tubes tied. To all of that I say everyone should just mind their own business since non of those people help to take care of any of the kids in any way.
Long story short, don't be troubled by the ignorance of people. What you and your husband choose to do is your business.
As long as you can afford and care for them-why do you care what she says? Sure-be annoyed and then move on.
She sounds like a rude & dopey person, but with that being said, you're not close so honestly, why do you care even a little bit what she had to say about it?? We see questions from Mama's on a pretty regular basis upset because people judge them for having "too many kids" which, obviously is a totally personal decision to each adult. I'll tell you the same thing I tell them: ignore it. Do NOT allow yourself to get worked up in your final trimester by some nosy, rude snotball of a woman trying to get all into your personal business uninvited.
Hi there! Let it go....It was a thoughtless statement and a dumb one. She obviously was oblivious to the fact she offended you. If that happens again be prepared with a smart remark that is obvious on your part.
Hang in there. My husband is from a huge family and we have three kids. And I am always being asked when are we having the next one...You done yet or are you gonna keep going. You know that's no one's business but given the circumstances I let it go...We are done and have our girl and two boys which keep us more than busy!
Aye, some people! I would be annoyed too! Really, it's none of her business. When hubby and I got married we had to go to a workshop sort of thing and they, along with the pastor, talked about being open to the idea of children, that's where the no birth control thing comes about. It's all up to gods will. I remember you posting about your ttc struggles and your surprise pregnancy so you are a testament to that.
Grrr. I'd be livid. But what can you do...
Congrats on the new baby!!!
Isn't it amazing how other people think our reproductive choices are their business?
I think I would have just responded with, "I can't believe you said that out loud" or "Thanks for your concern, but we've got it covered."
I would be mad too! Yes, however you feel is ok! I would have said---WHY? Are you offering to pay for it? Then say, Of course not~ We want more children and what we do behind closed doors is OUR business---Haven't you learned by now what buisness is really yours?
Don't let her make you feel bad. Some people are so thoughtless!
M
Aunts have a way of speaking their minds don't they. I would just blow it off and not think of it again. I said something to my boss one day, just without thinking. He and his wife had 2 other kids and she had just delivered twins a week or two before. We were sitting in his office talking one day and he was telling me about the babies. I said "When they start coming out by two's it's time to stop...huh". He got offended too, I didn't even think about what I was saying, it just fell out. I love big families so it was totally against what I truly thought too. I felt really bad that I had said that.
So, she may have just been spouting something she heard recently and not even thinking about what she really said.
