Is It More Rude To...

Well, I think it's way more rude to say something. It's not their job to do it, it's just friendly. Always appreciate something nice and not complain if it's NOT done.

It's more rude to make a "smart" comment. People shouldn't assume that when someone doesn't hold the door that it's an intentional slight. You don't know what's going on in that person's mind.

Making the comment is more rude. However, that's what you have kids for...."Alfred, remember how we talked about holding the door for other people and about how rude it was to let it slam in someones face? See, it is rude, isn't it?! I'm so glad YOU have good manners!"

Common courtesy says to hold the door for someone else.
Common sense says not to say anything if another person doesn't automatically do that for you.

Just my opinion.

They are both rude, but commenting is just childish. I would rather be rude, then rude AND immature!!

make a smartass comment. Maybe the reason they didn't hold the door is they were distracted, in a hurry, didn't see you...there's no obligation. It's courteous to hold the door, not necessarily discourteous to not.

On the other hand, being lippy is intentional and there's really no excuse for you if it ended up being a misunderstanding. If someone said something to me for not holding the door I'd think, "Perfect, glad I didn't do that jerk any favors".

Healthy, unencumbered people can get the door for themselves. I try to pay enough attention to be sure it doesn't slam in someone's face, but I don't worry about it or except anyone to hold the door open for me.

NOW, if someone is struggling, either with full hands or an obvious physical condition then I think they should expect people to be compassionate and hold the door!

But rude comments will never turn rude people polite, and COULD possibly escalate things if they're not just rude but unstable......

there are a million reasons why someone wouldn't hold the door, most of them innocent. from not being raised that way, to being distracted. on the other hand, making a smartass comment is deliberate, nasty, and mean tempered.

When I was pregnant, I was going to a doctor appointment and my DH was with me. When we were entering the building, my DH held the door open for me (as he always does). As I went to walk thru the door a man came through the door exiting the building and pushing me aside. It was a double door entrance, and we were entering through the door on the right and this man basically pushes me out of the way so he could leave the building. It was all I could do to keep DH from hurting the man, but DH did say "Thanks Dude for pushing my pregnant wife out of your way!" I'm glad DH spoke up and in no way felt he was rude to do so.

Both situations are rude. And in response to Momma11 comment, It's not my job to teach a stranger manners.

My son is very literal, so I've had to explain a NUMBER of things that people usually get by context.

Rude being one of them:

Being rude is slapping someone in the face using your words or actions OR inactions INSTEAD of hands/fists/etc.

So to me... not holding a door isn't courteous, but it's rarely a slap in the face. It may or may not be rude.

Making a smartass comment, however, is a deliberate slap in the face.

Not holding the door = maybe
Comment = definitely

It is more rude to say something, unless that person is aksing you for your opinion/thoughts about that specific action.

There are times where I am sitting there, with my daughter holding open a door and 10 plus people walk through, no thanks, then when I finally let go because I too need to get somewhere else with my daughter. I usually get a snide remark or a glare from someone and that is rude.

I think it depends which side of the door you are on.. :)

Smartass comment - by far.

Holding the door open for someone is a courtesy - not a requirement. Yes, it shows poor etiquette when you don't, but making a smartass comment shows even poorer etiquette.

I don't know that you give enough info. Seems to me, that in my experience, whoever gets to the door first should hold the door for any small people, old people, and if they are not small or old, at least make sure they are there and get the door from me before I walk through. Does that make sense? I would not go through a door and just pretend there isn't another person a few steps behind me. Are we talking about in public? I'm picturing all the MANY times some nice guy waits about 5 seconds for me to catch up and holds the door at Quick Trip and McDonald's. I always smile as nice as I can and say thank you. I also do the same thing for the elderly, pregnant, or another mom with children.

I only make a comment when it's someone I know.

The comment is worse. People who call strangers out on manners...

Even worse, though? Once I was holding the door open for an elderly woman (at our senior center, no less, and it was snowing at nasty) and she bit my head off and yelled at me, along the lines of "I don't need any help! What do you think I am, disabled?" and this went on for a few minutes...and I had my four year old daughter with me. Ugh.

The comment, by millions of miles. If I'm just walking through a door normally (i.e., I DON'T have 2 cups of hot coffee, all sorts of bags & packages, a screaming infant/toddler in my arms, or a stroller to push), I'd much rather people NOT open doors for me. I don't like being treated like a dainty little flower who can't do something as basic as open a door. And there are lots of times when I'm tired or focused or just not in the mood to engage in awkward pleasantries with strangers. I think it's more respectful to just leave people alone and give them their space. (Of course, if someone does open a door for me, I do my best to thank them graciously, but unless my hands/arms are full, it's not my thing.)

And I would never make a smartass comment, ever, unless someone literally knocked me to the floor and stomped all over me or something.

No rude is using the opportunity to cut in front of the person smacking them in the head with the door spilling all their packages and never looking back.

I would say the comment is ruder, because the comment is always intentional. Not holding the door could be caused by being distracted, not feeling well, etc. Also, while it's certainly polite manners to hold the door open for someone, it's not required. The entitlement generation of today may feel that someone is obligated to hold the door for them, but honestly, that's the entitlement speaking.

If I had to make a choice, I would pick the comment. When people neglect holding a door open, it can be for a variety of reasons. They make rude comments for only one reason.

They are both rude. It is easier to go thru life delighted when people do something kind for you versus being pissed all the time when people do not live up to your expectations. Do not expect anything and when someone does do something nice be delighted.

Making the rude comment for not holding the door is worse. I admit that I am often tempted to make a snarky comment when I have held the door for someone who doesn't say "Thank you," but I never do, only occasionally allowing myself to say, "You're welcome," which I have found definitely gets my point across. I always make sure to say a big thank you to people who hold the door for me, to let them know that manners still exist and to encourage them to keep doing the polite thing-because people DO notice. It's disheartening to see so much rudeness all the time, but I try to focus on all the people that I see trying do do the right things-because there are still a lot of us out there:) Have a good day!

Both are rude.

But since door-holding is not required, it's certainly more rude to make a smartassed comment.

If my arms were full, I'd be inclined to say "Excuse me, sir/ma'am! Would you mind holding that door for me? Thank you so much!"

All I can say is that I have taught my children to hold the door open for everybody - even if that means I am standing there waiting on them to finish holding the door while everyone else gets out.

Common sense is to use good manners - either way in the above mentioned.

They are both rude but I have to agree with the others that said it's more rude to make the smartass comment! Holding the door for someone (which is something I've always done and still do regardless) is just common courtesy that alot of people lack.

Both are rude. I hold the door open for people because I feel better when I'm polite and possibly helping someone else. I don't do it expecting a thank you, although 99% of people do say thank you.

If you're holding doors open only because you expect to be appreciated for your efforts, you are doing it for the wrong reasons.

I agree with those who said that it's not my job to scold someone else about their lack of manners. A stranger not keeping a door open for me has nothing to do with me. I'm not offended, even if I'm carrying a load. I'm a big girl, I can open my own doors.

Well I made a comment to someone the other day who did not hold the door open for me. Now when the "Thank you" was coming out I actually thougth that he did hold the door for me, but as I was getting the words out I turned to have the door almost hit me in the face because in fact he did not hold it for me as he came out.

Normally I would just say he was in a hurry, or some other excuse, because there can be reasons that they didn't. Distracted and just not thinking about it, arthritic hands or other aliments, etc... However in this case it was at work (he doesn't normally work in my office, but another one a few minutes away), I am extremely visibily pregnant and was pushing an empy dolly and trying to get in out of the cold rain, so I find that he did not hold the door to be very rude (I do know he was going out to enjoy a cigarette, so not "work" related).

So as I usually try not to judge as there could be legitimate reasons he just made me mad about it on Wednesday.

I think both are equally rude. But it is definitely ruder of the person who doesn't open the door----the comment to them is warranted! :)

I would say commenting is usually more rude. I try to hold the door for others who have their hands full with kids or with things in their arms. However, I have also sometimes been stuck holding the door for people and they don't take it so I can go on about my business, or they are so wrapped up in their own world that they seem to think the door magically stayed open for them. Sometimes the ones going through the door keep coming out, and I am still standing there holding the door. HELLO! Take the door, so I can go on about my business. So, yes, it is more rude to expect the door to be held open in most cases (unless someone's hands are full).

It's always rude to make the smartass comment.
How rude it is to not hold the door open for someone depends on the situation.

The comment. Holding the door is a courtesy, not a mandate.

Rude is expecting someone to hold the elevator door while you come from way down the hall. Or expecting someone else to push your floor button on the elevator.

The comment is more rude. While it's nice to hold the door open for someone, sometimes we are lost in thought and it just doesn't happen. I suppose it depends on the situation though. If a person isn't holding it open because they simply didn't want to be courteous, that's pretty rude too.

It's much more rude to call someone else out on their bad manners and rudeness.

While there's never an excuse for outright rudeness, I think sometimes people just forget or it occurs to us right after the fact. I'll admit it happens to me sometimes and I kick myself for it. I'd be horrified and embarrassed if someone made a comment but that's just me. I always do it when I think of it, don't get me wrong. I just think cutting someone a little slack goes a long way. When someone doesn't hold a door open for me, I have a passing thought of, "OMG how rude" but also think "at least I'm not the only one who forgets sometimes." lol

Well, since there is no obligation to hold the door open for someone, I would say it's more rude to crack the smartass comment since by doing so you are implying that the other person should be living by your standards and that's you should be the center of their universe. I think that's a lot ruder than someone forgetting a common courtesy.

Definitely making the comment. That is incredibly rude.