Is It "Mommy Burnout" or What?

Not that exact situation, but it sounds like you have some cabin fever and some mild depression. Is there anyone from the daycare that babysits? That is how I found my babysitter. Ask the director who she uses, or if you like one of the teachers, ask them. Most are looking for some extra money. Then take some me time!

I have a husband, but do often feel like you describe and I know that mine is not getting out of the house and conversing with others (yes I work, but its not the same thing.)

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, and you are an amazing mom for supporting you and your son without any family near by. I am not a single mom, but I do understand having no family near by, and not really having any friends. You said that you like the daycare your son is in - are there any younger ladies that work there? I'm sure one of them would love to watch your son on a Friday night! When I worked at a daycare, we did this all the time. Just talk to your son's teacher and/or the director for suggestions. I would also talk to your Dr. about depression. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, and I'm sure your Dr. will be glad you called to ask. Best of luck to you and your son!

I'm not in your shoes but my heart goes out to you . . .

If I were you I would:

1) Get some help at your home. Hire a part-time young adult or grandma (cheap) to come in and do/fold laundry, change the beds, prep dinner (that you can pop in). You could still spend the time with your son, but as soon as he goes to bed you can too (and not have to stay up for chores).

2) Check your vitamins and exercise. I love B vitamins (especially a good B complex), as well as Vitamin C. I also try to walk at least 30 minutes per day 6 days a week. When your health is compromised everything is MUCH harder. If I had the chance I would go to a good integrative physician to get my hormones, thyroid and adrenal gland function checked. Especially at 44, things start to change (sorry - I'm early 40's too so I can empathize!).

Good luck . . . praying for you guys. You're in a tough spot.

You need to find a great babysitter so you can take care of yourself, check out local colleges and universities students are always looking for part time job and a little extra money.

Hi J.,

I am married but we moved a lot, and I know the feeling of having few/no friends in a new place.

Much good advice about sitters etc that I won't repeat.

One other thing--since Aunty has a history of being inconsistent, I wouldn't even tell your son she is coming. If she shows up, great, if not then you don't have to explain.

Do you attend church/temple? This might be a source of friends for you.

Hugs to you, I hope you feel better soon!

K. Z.

When I was single I felt just like you. Well then again I do STILL feel like that sometimes now and I’m married =-)

Anyhow when I was single what I had to do was concentrate my energy sometimes on things that made ME happy. Yoga helped me a little and so did hiking(mostly nature trails, getting outdoors). Yes you are probably feeling burnt out especially since you were sick for a couple of months. Your body is still trying to get back to normal. Positive energy helps. If you can why don’t you join a Mommy & me class? I know L.A. is a big city with LOTS to offer!

Is there anyone at work you could hang out with, go see a movie or have a glass of wine with? Can you find a sitter through your daycare or ask a neighbor? I’ve had friends have a lot of luck finding a sitter on www.sittercity.com.

Also you could set up play dates with another child at your daycare and get to know a Mom that way. Just because you are a single Mom doesn’t mean you can only join single mom groups. I didn’t when I was single. My child made her friends whose parents were all still married but that I was single/divorced didn’t matter one bit. Expand your horizons!

Lastly, you don’t have to do horseplay with your child to feel energized and good about your role as a mother. Sometimes just going on a walk with my kids, collecting leaves and then going back home to paint the leaves is relaxing. I’m having special time with my kids and we are having fun.

Keep working on getting happy again! Taking a step to seek advice here was a great idea! We’ve all been there and having support from others is a good thing =-)

I think your body is sick and you havent been given a chance to get better. when you are physically sick, it stands to reason that you will be mentally sick too. Since you have stated that you are financially secure, I would look into hiring someone for a couple of weeks like a Home health nurse. They can help feed your child and kind of fit in with being a " nanny" while helping you too with your sickness. Most CNA's/HHA's get paid a little over minimum wage, so I dont think the financial part will be to difficult. This might be a good thing for you to do more sooner than later. You dont want to snap..that can happen to a lot of well meaning people or get worse. Good luck

I'm so sorry J. - it sounds like you have a lot on your plate and are just plain exhausted! Don't be too hard on yourself about this. For me I find that at certain times I feel burned out too and eventually I feel like my self again and full of energy. Since you have been sick so long, give yourself some time to recover! Can you hire a babysitter once a month and get some me time for yourself? I have been feeling exhausted lately which always seems to happen to me this time of year (changing light levels is what someone told me) One of my two kids is a spirited child and is always challenging us! The other is a baby who likes to wake up at night. yay. Both of those together make me tired! Anyway, I just wanted to say hang in there. -C.

You're certainly physically burnt out. I wonder why you're thinking you have to do everything yourself. Why don't you hire a babysitter? Why don't you take time for yourself?

You've received suggestions for finding a babysitter you can trust. I would also consider neighbors. Do you know them? From time to time, my daughter who lives in an apartment complex has found a friend living in the same complex. It's harder to get to know your neighbors if you live in a house and perhaps you need to wait until you're well to work on that one. I do know that I've received and given support within my neighborhood. It does take effort to get to know them.

You can have someone come in to be with your son while you do something for yourself, even if it's to just sleep. It does take time to get a routine going so that your son won't come into your room. This person can be a youngster. When my granddaughter was young, two 12 yo girls filled in as mommy's helpers. I even took one of them with me when I had to take my granddaughter shopping with me. They managed the baby while I did my things. They took her to the playground outside the apartment while I cleaned or did laundry.

You may be able to find girls this age by asking at the daycare center (older sibs) or an elementary or middle school. Spend time with them until you're comfortable trusting them to be alone with your son.

You mention having gone to mommy and me groups. Do you know why they haven't worked for you? Is it possible that because of your stress you've pushed others away? Have you gone back several times? Often it takes awhile to make a connection.

I also suggest that you're depressed and urge you to talk with your doctor about taking an anti-depressant.

Your son will be just fine with a babysitter. You need to take care of yourself so that you can take care of your son. You have to be number 1 on your list with him being a very close second. As you're seeing, you cannot be a good caretaker when you're sick.

You are teaching him to never rely on anyone but himself. Is this your choice or is it happening because of circumstances. I urge you to find out for yourself and to teach him that we have to rely on others. We can not be totally independent as it seems you're now learning. Find just one person on whom you can depend. Scary, I know. Take a leap of faith. Start with a counselor. Learn how to recognize someone that you can trust. Learn how to be trustworthy and dependable for someone other than your son.

I suggest that you're ill because you've not taken care of yourself. You've tried for too long to be totally independent and hopefully you see that being so independent is not working. Get started in counseling so that you can make your life better for yourself and your son. Let go of the anger and hurt from the past and seek love in your life.

All too often we get what we ask for. Seems you're asking to be totally independent while yearning for love. As long as we hold onto the anger and pain we will continue to get anger and pain. When we are able to love other people, love comes back to us.

I suggest you start by finding a loving, capable, reliable baby sitter for your son. They are available. And get started with counseling. Perhaps start on an anti-depressant. Expect life to get better.

Heres what you should do: find an older (by this I mean at least 18) babysitter who can come a couple of days a week and function as a 'nanny' for you. You can be home there with her-at least until you are comfortable with her. She can play with your son, go on errands with you, let you take a nap or get a few things done. Hopefull then this person will be able to be independent of you with your son at some point. This way you would have a babysitter for your child that you trust and that he loves. I can't imagine it would be terribly expensive-maybe get a college student or someone like that.
I don't know if you are burnt out or not. It sounds like you do have health problems that could very well be causing this. It is most likely a little of both.

Hi J.,

I am so sorry that you are having such a tough time. Regarding your asthma, can your doctor prescribe an inhaler for you or some sort of medicine you can breathe in through a nebulizer? My daughter and I both have mild forms of asthma and this seems to give us fast relief from symptoms when we have them. It's horrible to try to do anything when you feeling like you're breathing through a straw!

As for your sister, I would stop telling your son she's coming to visit. Let it be a surprise for you both if she happens to show up to help out.

Also, I'm not a professional by any stretch of the imagination, but have you considered the idea that you might have some type of depression? I have been around a few people who have had to endure bouts of it, and it sounds like you might benefit from seeing a therapist to help out. There are some who have a play room that your son can stay in while you have time to chat together.

Finally, if you have exhausted all avenues of mommy-type groups, you may want to try traveling to another city nearby to see if they have any mommy and me groups or mommy and me classes. Also, have you tried contacting someone from your local MOMS Club? They are a national club with lots of different area chapters.

I truly hope that you are able to find physical relief from your medical issues and help for your mind by means of people. I wish you the best and hope that you will be feeling better soon.

L.

I would check out www.sittercity.com in your area.

Hope this helps:)

M.

Hey J.,
You definitely sound like you are dealing with burnout. You really do need to take time for yourself. Hire a sitter and take one evening for YOU to get a manicure, go see a movie, or just go for a walk. If you don't get time to relax your health problems will get worse or you may even add new problems.
Also, have you asked your son's daycare if anyone there babysits? A lot of daycare workers babysit on the side to make extra money. This would allow someone that's familiar to you and your son.