I feel your pain!! My family is in Oregon and my husband's family is in Philly (but they are very busy and we don't see them very often). We also do not have the option to move, although we are working on it. It's going to take us a couple of years to be able to do something like that.
Try to get involved in some things in your community and meet some good people. For us, it was soccer. My oldest son (7) played soccer this last season and I coached his team (with baby in a hiking backpack on my back :) Well, at the coaches meeting I met a teenage girl who was coaching her younger sibling's team with her mother. Her mother mentioned that she babysits, so we set up a time to meet with her and her father (since mom was busy and I'd alredy met her) and really have a good interview with her. They're a great family and she's a really sweet, responsible girl. She's now our babysitter on those occasions when we want to go to dinner and a movie just the two of us. My 7yo. loves her and my 21mo tolerates her (which is more than I can say for anyone else other than my mother on her biannual visit, he's VERY attached to me)
So anyways, my point is that there are a lot of great people out there, you just have to get out and meet them. Teenage girls are a great resource for babysitting. I myself was babysitting at the age of 11. Call your local YMCA, library, or parks and rec and ask them if they conduct a babysitting course (a lot of places do). If they do, ask them if they can give you a recommendation for a good babysitter, then conduct an interview yourself and a short trial, like an hour or two. If everything seems to be working out, then try longer periods of time until you can get a full date in with your husband. We pay our babysitter 4-5 dollars per hour per child. This is good pay for a babysitter, but I believe that when you find a good one, PAY HER WELL! :)
As for family involvement, there are tons of ways to keep your children in touch with far-away family members. At your daughter's age, maybe it'll be a matter of asking your parents and in-laws to video tape themselves reading storybooks for her and send them so she can watch them. They can also do any number of other things for her to watch, like showing alphabet blocks, telling their own funny stories, making silly faces etc... when she gets older, she can do the same and also write them letters and maybe they can do something like letterboxing (look it up online) together long-distance.
Best of luck!