Is It Just Me?

Updated on December 05, 2009
A.B. asks from Albany, OR
9 answers

I have not left my daughter with a babysitter for a evening out yet and when friends or neighbors offer their relatives or someone they know I just get really torn on if I can leave her with them. Is it just me being to paranoid or do others have a difficult time finding someone truely trustworthy outside immediate family to babysit too? I am looking for advise on how to become comfortable enough to leave her for a evening. We don't have family in the area, So it is just my husband and I.

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So What Happened?

Thanks for everyones support it helps to know I am not the only one. I decided to take her to dinner with us and it worked out fine. I will take the advice and start slow with a few select people & Always go with my gut. And by the time she is a little older and more mobile I should have a few good people to watch her.

thanks for all your input.

More Answers

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J.

answers from Boise on

Personally, I am with you. I have two girls, 2 1/2 yrs and 7 mos. I don't think that babies should be far from their mamas. And, although we all have occasions that we need to be separated, I am very, very, very picky with whom, how long, etc that this occurs (we don't have family around either). I have found that this is the road less traveled and that it is challenging in terms of finding time to unwind and couple time but we have survived this far. Creativity goes a long way in finding time and in diplomatically rejecting eager helpers in this regard. We plan in house dates for when the girls are asleep, for example. I found that I had to rescript my way of thinking to fit my parenting style/choices and still achieve the same end of rest, relaxation and maintaining a marriage.

I say follow your heart. You'll know when you are ready.

2 moms found this helpful
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J.O.

answers from Boise on

It's not just you I have 7 kids and still have the same issue, even with family, here's what I do to help with the nerves. Instead of thinking in terms of an evening start out slow, one hour here and there, this helps introduce your child to the person and if things don't work out well it's only for one hour, really a small amount of time, and if things do look good just slowly start increasing the amount of time they have to spend togather.
I will say I do find it important for little ones to build bonds with people other then thier parents, mine comes from a fear of "what if something happened to me or my husband tomorrow, have I really been fair to them" and at least this way they are comfortable of a select group of people be sides just the immidiate family. I know thats probably a little morbid, but when it come to my kids I don't only think of the today and know but of the future. So do what feels right to you and take it slow, it is perfectly normal what you feel.

1 mom found this helpful
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A.H.

answers from Portland on

In my opinion 6 months old is pretty young to leave an infant with a stranger. I didn't leave my son with anyone until he was about 1 year old. I did breastfeed though, so I really couldn't leave him for very long at that age. If you really want to try it you can find a local teenager, have them come over and interact with your baby (while you're there) and then leave for about 1 hour to see how it goes. Good luck. :)

1 mom found this helpful
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J.A.

answers from Eugene on

It's not just you! Our daughter will be one year old a week from today and I still have not left her with someone other than my husband. I have had plenty of offers for people to watch her but I am just not comfortable with anyone except my mother and she lives out of town. So when she does come to visit, it is just for a short amount of time and I like to spend it with her instead of out on a date night.
So, I really have no advice for you... Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! :)

1 mom found this helpful
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B.L.

answers from Billings on

This is funny as I have been made fun of my everyone, including my husband for doing the very same thing! The first night I left my daughter alone at 19 months was when I had to stay overnight in the hospital due to having our second child...and yes I cried about it the night before. I even have issues with leaving them alone with family overnight, not over trust issues, I wasn't quite sure. I have now learned (though still have not acted on it) that it's because I thought my daughter needed me...and only me to take care of her. The fact was, I needed her more. Now I'm coming to grips with she'll be okay with friends or family as she'll have fun and such, I just need to let go. I still won't and not sure when I will, but at least now I know why I'm feeling this way. I hope this helps you out :)

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K.P.

answers from Portland on

It's hard to leave the little one with someone who isn't family, I know, but it's important for your marriage to go out every once in awhile. If it's a trust issue, meet the person you are thinking of leaving the baby with a few times before you actually go out on your date with your husband. Remember that if you are going for an evening out, most likely the baby will be sleeping most of the time. Find someone who is good with babies and knows CPR and all that good stuff. That will just put your mind a little more at ease. You are allowed to call and check up during your night out. As you get in the practice of having regular nights out with your husband (say once or twice a month) it will get easier for you to leave the baby for a few hours. Start out with just a few hours at first and work your way up to a full night out. That will acclimate you, the baby and the sitter to your absence. Good luck!! Every couple is entitled to a little baby-free time to practice being an adult and to keep the romance going. It doesn't mean you love baby any less.

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E.D.

answers from Great Falls on

Absolutely not! I have a 2 1/2 year old (and another one on the way!) and I have NEVER left her with anybody else than my parents (when they are in town from overseas once a year!!!!!!!!). Like yourself, I sometimes feel a bit too paranoid, but I just simply have not found anybody I trust (will I ever??). Unlike the other moms who responded to you, I don't really have good advice to give you to overcome your fears.....because I feel exactly like you do!!!
I understand that mom and dad should have their time alone too, but we just try to do fun things all 3 of us together.
Good Luck and if you live in the Bozeman/Belgrade area let me know if you find someone you really like.

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K.S.

answers from Portland on

No, it is not just you. I have a 2 1/2 year old, and luckily have family in the area to help sit, but I have never let her be "babysat" by anyone other than family and two very close friends with children of the same age. I think we live in a difficult age.
Some things to consider are joining classes at your local library or community park. If family is not an option, meeting parents of like minds is always helpful. It might take some some time, but hopefully you'll find someone you trust.

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H.L.

answers from Great Falls on

I am in the same position! We have no family here either and my DD is now a year and I have only left her a few times. I am currently searching for a babysitter though, so that I can go to my OB appointments (I'm 20 weeks pregnant).

Have you had any luck?

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