My son is almost 16 months old and still does not STTN without nursing, we cosleep and this seems to work fine for us. Anyway, without confusing everyone with all the details, basically my Mom was going to come into town to babysit for the day and now instead she wants to have the baby spend the night at her house. I have only left him for the night once when he was a couple months old and he was with his Dad. I just don't know how he will do. I know for sure he will wake up during the night, and she would have EBM to offer him, which he takes just fine, but it worries me that he might be scared when he wakes up and I am not there. It makes me sad to think of my baby crying for me and me not being there for him, on the other hand, maybe he would be alright. What would you do?
I also did co-sleeping with my son and he had no problem sleeping at Grandmas at that age. As long as he is close to/comfortable with Grandma it will probably phase him very little, if at all. My son still loves "sleep-overs" at grandmas and he's 4 now.
That said, you need to do what is comfortable for you too. Good luck!
S.
What do you WANT to do? Is there any reason not to do what you want? It sounded like you were trying to guess what would be best for everybody else--and what do YOU want to do?
It's of course up to how you feel and what you are comfortable with, but I have to say it's great that you ease them into it and what better way than at grandma and grandpas house.
My daughter was probably close to 1 year old when she stayed at my husbands familys house. It went really well, she slept in much later than what she does at home with us.. She loved the attention she got there, it's fun to stay with grandma and grandpa, they have different stuff to play with. There may be a time when you may HAVE to have leave him with someone else (not knowing what our futures hold) and it would be good to practice at a place where he can come home if he needs to..
It was hard, I worried and had my cellphone with me constantly and checked it often, but eventually I relaxed and enjoyed an evening with my husband out acting like it was pre-baby life (in between me checking the phone).
DO IT!!! I can't tell you all of the great examples of family members that took care of our son when he was very little. He now has very strong bonds with grand parents aunt and uncles that he would not have otherwise and he is very easy going about babysitters and spending time away from us!! The sooner the better! When a child is confident and secure in their life at home that gives them a super strong base when they leave home. He may cry a little more than usual, but after all your Mom raised you didn't she?....she can handle it.
It's totally up to you! I also co-sleep and breastfeed my todder. In our case ISAAC would be fine, but I would be miserable-- that's when he does all his nursing and I threw away the pump when he turned a year old!
Does your baby nap fine elsewhere? Isaac is very flexible-- at home I nurse him to sleep at nap time, at the babysitters she puts him in the pack-n-play and he goes to sleep, at Grandma and Grandpa's Grandpa lays down with him. So I think he'd be fine overnight, but I wouldn't be.
YOU know yourself and your baby best!
You have gotten great responses already, so I just want to say... what is STTN and EBM??? I really got a good laugh out of trying to figure that out! Thanks for giving me a good laugh at myself.
i was scared also. i have two boys. ages 4 1/2 and 1. the first time either of them stayed over night with grandma and grandpa was this july. grandparents live 2 hrs from us so i was very paranoid. but they did good. didn't even cry except when 1yr old woke up once at night. grandma got him back to sleep easy. other than that i have had a babysitter keep them overnight and booth of them slept all night. didn't wake up once.the first time was when my oldest was 2yrs old and the first for the youngest he was like 8 months old. i picked them up by 7am both times for both of them.but what i am tryin to say in all this is HE WILL BE FINE! relax and enjoy some personal time together. it does not happen often
I guess, ultimately, you should do what you are comfortable with, but in my opinion....DO IT!!! If he takes the bottle fine and is comfortable with grandma, just go for it. He might be a little confused or fussy when he wakes up, but I'm sure he will calm with the bottle and your mom. It will be a great bonding experience for your son and your mom. Just try to think positively about it, the best thing that could happen is that your mom has a great time with her grandson and he sleeps great. The worst....he cries a little (or even a lot) and your mom gets to snuggle him and comfort him. He'll survive and you will too! It will be a good experience for everyone involved. I had a hard time leaving my kids for their first overnights but each time it worked out fine and made me more confident if I had to do it again.
Hey - I just left my kids for the first time for more than one night. I left for 4 nights and 5 FULL days (morning on a Friday until 9:30pm on Tuesday). My daughter is 3 and my son is the same age as yours (5/12/08...I stopped BF with him at 13 months). Not only were we away for that long but I didn't have any contact with my parents or with my kids for that whole time...I was in the Boundary Waters with no phone service. Talk about a nerve-wracking experience. I had anxiety about it for several months because we had planned it so far in advance....but it went great. It was as good for me as it was for them. I was thrilled to see them when I got home and they did wonderfully with my parents.
Good luck!
We also co-sleep and my daughter did not STTN without nursing either and the first time she stayed overnight at GM was past age 2 and we were done nursing. She loves GM house, loves to stay overnight, is comfortable there and is a very confident and independent girl, now age 4 and enjoys spending time with lots of friends and family. Not letting her overnight until age 2 1/2 did not make her fearful or shy. My son is now 7 months and I will not have him stay over anywhere until we are done nursing. Also, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with your mother's parenting skills but just because someone has children doesn't mean they know how to take care of someone else's kids. My mother was a nursery nurse at a hospital and raised 3 kids- but she is not the expert at raising my child- I am. That being said, I am more of a conservative parent and you have to do what is right for you. If you trust your mom and know that she will call if your son needs you, then go for it. At his age he is night nursing for comfort not from hunger. She should be able to comfort him back to sleep. Also, it's good for your marriage to have alone time with your spouse. Either choice you make will be just fine.
It's completely up to you if he stays with grandma or not. Don't feel bad if you are not ready for this. I agree with the other responses that say usually our babies are ready for this before we are, and normally do well. But, my daughter did not stay overnight with anyone other than me and/or her Dad until she was five years old (all grandparents deceased and no other family close).
In the end it is your decision and what you are comfortable with, but sooner or later he will be spending the nite with grandma im sure and it would be good for him to get used to it. My mom has watched our son over nite once every couple months since he was a newborn. I like that because there is a place he feels comfortable if my husband and i want a nite to do something. She enjoys it and he enjoys it. He is 2 now and just loves going to grandmas and grandpas and i have no worries because i know he is just fine there. Good luck.
I feel like it is up to you , however, your mom had children and knows how to care for a child. You will never know how he will do if you dont let him stay. The worst that could happen is she could call you in the middle of the night. I fhe takes the EBM just fine I dont think there is anything to worry about!!!
It is much easier to transition him now than it will be later. Give him a night at Grandma's if she wants to undertake it. I would be clear with her about your fears. She may not know what she is getting into and may not want to deal with a toddler waking up in the middle of the night. If she is okay with it, then I say, let her do it and ENJOY an evening off. Yes, he may cry, but it sounds like he will be in wonderful, loving care with your mom. So, go out to dinner, enjoy a late movie, and try to relax knowing your son is being doted on my Grandma.
I see no need to risk a negative experience. Trust you gut and don't doubt yourself.
Can you give this plan a test-drive before deciding? You could spend the night at Grandma's, and let her care for your son through the night but if she needed you, you'd be right there. If all goes well, you would know it.
He will be alright. Really.
We co-sleep too, and we started out with overnights at Grandma's pretty early on and he does just fine. He's always slept better at Grandma's and at Nana's than at home. Go figure.
If you can relax enough to get a good night's sleep, it's worth it to let him bond with somebody else for a while. The first time is hard (for you). But it's fine. Really.
:)
I always enjoyed going to my grandparents every summer for a week so we decided we wanted to do that with our kids. Our DD has already spent time at Grandma's house when she almost 2 for 2 weeks while we were in Africa and again this past summer for a week. She first spent the night with her when she was 3 months old. You need to just do it so as he gets older, he will want to spend a night with her or friends. We have friends who have never been away from their kids overnight and the kids are scared to be away from them even for a little awhile. Your mom will do great with him and she has had children so she will know what to do.
I used to worry about stuff like that. I would worry if my son would be ok leaving our house with my sister (she came and picked him up and took him to her house to play) and he was just fine. I worried about him if I dropped him off at a friend's house to play, if he would be crying for me as I left. He was fine and never even wondered where I was. I worried for nothing. He was always fine. It's is normal to worry about stuff. But you need to do it and see that he will be fine so you won't have to keep worrying about it. Just do it and get it over with and then you will know he will do fine so you can do it again and not have to worry about it. :)
Good luck! (he will be fine)
You have such a beautiful mother's heart. You told your concerns about this arrangement, but not the motive for doing it in the first place. If this is just for the purpose of having an overnighter at grandma's, there may be nothing wrong with saying that you are not quite ready yet. But if this is an arrangement that you need in order to free you up for something, I would say that if Grandma is a good nurturer it will be okay. He may cry for you and it may be sad for a while, but that just creates an opportunity for Grandma to comfort. So they get to cement that relationship. I know we hate to see our precious ones go through anything painful ever. But just like it does in our lives, pain can bring about something really great in theirs. So when it can't be avoided, look for the good in it.
You will never know until you try. Babies are pretty adaptable creatures. Enjoy the night off! : )
