Is It Just a Phase?

Okay, the phase thing is true. They will play between the two of you for years. What bothers me is daddy's lack of concern for your feelings toward his parents enjoyment on this. You are his full family now, and he needs to be supportive. If that means he has to talk to them about it, so be it. If he refuses, you need to say something or stop going all together. Something has to give, and it sounds like you already have been. Good luck!!
Christa

Oh my... my heart feels for you. I remember the first time my son said " I hate you! " and it was said usually when something he wanted or wanted to do was veto'd. But the thing that helped me was when he said those things.. I would reply.. "but I love you very much!" Dont make an issue of her outbursts but continue to relay to her that you love her and leave it alone. Sounds alot like she is trying to play a game to get your attention and it could be a little bit of sibling jealousy since you have a little one to take care. I assure you this is just a phase and will work its way out. Unfortunately it sounds like your in-laws are playing the game as well. Just don't let it effect you. Stay and be a poliet guest but don't interact with them as little as you can. Your husband will begin to notice more if you don't make a big deal out of it. No matter what..besure to tell your children you love them no matter what. You will be surprised how little time will pass and this phase will be done.

M.,
Your daughter does NOT hate you. She is testing her boundaries. I have a 2 1/2 year old little girl who doesn't want me looking, talking or touching Dad. It doesn't phase me. We find it humorous. My husband does get tired of constantly being the go to guy. So I just let her cry and tell me all of things that one could think is hurtful. I DON'T CARE....I know she loves and needs me. It usually doesn't take long before she gets over it. Don't let it consume you. You need to be secure in the fact that you are a loving mother. You do not need to earn any love or acceptance from her, you have it. Just make sure your husband is backing you up when she is not treating you well. As for the in-laws, your husband needs to take care of that. Don't let it affect you and discipline you daughter as needed. If she is being dis respectful, you need to make sure there are consequences and follow through everytime.

I don't know if it's a phase or not, but there are some things you can do to combat this. My husband and I have always worked as a team to make sure stuff like this doesn't perpetuate and grow. You two should sit down and come up with a plan (minus the kids) and then really stick to it. Plan out a few fun rewards and activities for the coming week with YOU that she only gets to participate in if she is nice to you and respectful. On the converse, if she isn't cooperative, there will be consequences that your husband should enforce (to keep the negative out of your relationship with daughter for a bit). This should only be a short-term plan.

The reason that you should try a system like this for awhile is that it imbalances the power dynamic to the opposite of what she expects. The end goal is to re-balance the relationship and power dynamics to something more normal and balanced between everyone. Hope this makes sense and helps!

my inlaws were quite difficult, but my husband once witnessed it, and completely chewed them out while my kids and I sat in the car crying... they have been fantastic ever since.

On another note though.. with all of the changes in her life... new sibling, job changes, school etc. She is going through a very difficult time for such a little girl. Any change can really make her insecure.

I think she is just now being able to vocalize her feelings, when before she couldn't quite do it. The fact that Daddy is home now, and you are working but still at home is probably difficult for her to understand. She see's that you are there, but doesn't understand why you can't spend the time with her like her Daddy does.

I think you just need to give her a little bit of special alone time, and keep telling her how much you love her. Let her have some time to adjust.

D. L. I don't want to use the word phase, what I would suggest or recommend is that you try giving this child story books and educational toys. Read along with this child. Try having conversation with this child and moreso try eating with her, taking her in the yard and playing catching, ball throwing, etc with her and sees what the results are like. You give her a kiss before she leaves home for school and on her return from school, give her another kiss and find out what her day was like. Find out what she likes to do, eat, etc. Pay a little more attention to this child.

Now you need to remember that this is 3 1/2 and you have a younger child, so she will be of the opinion that you pay more attention to her younger sibling and not her. I don't think her grandparents would tell her to dislike you after all you are her mother.

Enjoy your day

I agree with Nancy. My inlaws treated us like we had no idea what we were doing and totally undermined me. Our son started acting hateful toward me. It broke my heart! We cut off all contact with my in-laws for six months and made it clear that they would no longer control our family and within DAYS of cutting off contact with them my son was back to his loving self.
I hope that your hubby totally backs you up! My husband didn't understand at first but I told him that if I am feeling it, that it's real. He totally supported me after that.
My heart goes out to you! Please know that your daughter does not hate you! Kids are so smart and sensitive that they pick up on how other people treat you and often act accordingly. You are in my prayers!

I think you answered your question with your last sentence. I think your in-laws probably a lot to do with this. I'm sure she picks up on their un-friendly feelings towards you and there's always the possibility that she may have overheard things being said about you. You need to speak to your husband and make him listen. If he's not willing to stand up for you or even take you seriously, then there's more to the issue than your daughters dislike.

I think it's just a phase. I also think it will be over faster if you don't react! I would ALSO try very hard to remember that there is a huge difference in liking somone and loving them. Also, it's NOT our job to be like by our kids-- in fact we should expect to be DISLIKED a good bit of the time! Setting limits and teaching responsibilities won't when you any popularity contests!