I think I must be a glutton for punishment. Over and over through the years I have taken one family that needed hours that were out of the norm or during a time when I'm usually not full in my daycare, and given them low rates which allows them to be able to have the daycare they need and allows me to fill a hard to fill spot. It should be a mutually fulfilling relationship where we appreciate each other.
Over time though it turns ugly almost every single time. I know that running a daycare may seem like an easy thing from the outside. But it really is NOT. It's hard work everyday and long days. These people I give help to just about always make a lot of comments about how hard it is to pay me, even though I'm CHEAP for them. Over time those comments become more harsh and difficult to deal with.
THEN, after the comments start comes the inequalities... While they are paying late, or trying again and again to negotiate a lower rate, they are taking vacations, getting tattoos, making terrible life choices, and they do NOT want to hear about any of it.
So what would you do if someone came to you on a Monday asking for yet another decrease in their fees and justified it because supposedly the hours would be less... (never mind the person shows up late on occasion and goes out AFTER work with only a text and an assumption it's okay). If I said it wasn't she would say, Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't get that message.
Okay, then after hashing out another decrease in pay the same person announces a few days later they are planning on getting a tattoo. The same person took a vacation and was gone for two weeks and refused to pay for the time they were gone in any kind of real way. They gave a few dollars which was more a slap in a face than any kind of fulfillment of her obligation or anything close to what we agreed upon.
On top of this, every single time this person has an extra expense she complains about it and makes sure that I know about it as she's paying me and making me feel guilty at the same time. And YET... She's wicked PO'd when I point out that the tattoo is too expensive for all that she has going on now!
Anyway, we have parted ways. I can't take it anymore. I've done all I can do and she's playing the victim card by believing that I somehow did her wrong.
Every single time I work with these people I walk away feeling like I didn't do one single thing to help them. My hard work and industry did not rub off on them in any way. They didn't appreciate anything I did. They didn't learn anything of value from me. AND, they didn't get anything figured out in their own life while I was trying to help which is always the agreed upon reason why I'm giving them a break.
Why is it that SOME woman think they deserve a medal for being a single mom and that the whole world owes them a living?
Please don't take that as a slam against all single moms. I have worked almost entirely for single moms and I've seen so many of my moms work hard and climb up out of poverty with hard work and determination and good life choices. It's only a small percentage of people that think the world owes them a living for popping out children and please trust me that I wanted to say that statement in a very derogatory way!
How do I keep from becoming tired of these situations? The Bible says not to grow weary of doing good. I am assuming that it's this sort of situation that is being talked about when we are told that.
It certainly is lots to think about. I often do feel like I am getting ministry mixed up with business. But then again, I am always very clear with people in these situations that I am giving them a reduced rate for multiple reasons. Partly I do enjoy helping. But, partly I am using space and time that may not be filled otherwise. I'm not acting entirely altruistic. I am looking for mutually fulfilling relationships.
My husband always tells me that I'm not their mother or sister and now that I'm getting older the word grandmother gets thrown out there a lot LOL.
I think part of my problem is that I expect a lot from people and from myself. I do try and keep the right attitude and catch myself when my attitude is wrong. I do earn my living and work hard at it and I expect the same from others. I do go above and beyond the call of duty in various ways with all my families because I believe it's how to show love.
I don't know that daycare is the type of business that can easily be treated as business only. What in the world could be more personal than caring for another persons child?
I'm quite certain that I'll do it again :) But going forward I will work on protecting myself a little more. Today someone asked me for a reduction of my weekly rate. It's painfully obvious that my fellow daycare providers in my area are reducing their rates. I've been thinking for awhile I may need to do that. So instead of just reducing it outright, I told her that I would give her the rate she is asking for if I can place advertising on the side of her car. It will be two small window decals. It's a 20 dollar per week reduction. It's a fair payment for the advertising space and her car sits in parking lots often and she runs around town. So it's a nice trade off.
Jen, I've gone through years and years of being totally unwilling to bend for anyone and only looking out for my self-interests. But I don't feel very good about myself when I do that.
Sounds like they're taking you for a ride. You're not going to change people like that. I agree with Jen. You're running a business, not a charity. Keep it professional and set up contracts. If they breach the contract, let them go.
People with the victim mentality where the world revolves around them and they can be heartless to other people (and are often narcissistic), I've never seen any change. I do believe they always CAN change because people have power over their behavior and choices.
But in people like that, I guess it takes taking responsibility, viewing themselves as possibly not being the victim...and since that goes against their personality...it just never seems to happen. People like that can be some of the most frustrating people ever. My MIL, father, step-father are all that way...it's amazing to me.
I think you are kind to offer a lower rate for those who need it. I think if it makes you feel good, keep doing it. But leave it at that. Maybe make it clear when you offer them the lower rate, that is the lowest it will go.
Good luck!
You have done this to yourself, plain and simple.
There are plenty of other ways to "do good" by the Bible. This obviously isn't your way, as it isn't working for you.
God wants you to be happy and successful. Stop being a doormat.
I agree with Jen. You are running a business and must have contracts with penalties for not following through. That isn't looking out for your self-interests but running your business. If Target gave away their products for free because people couldn't afford them, they wouldn't survive. Same with you, you run your business like a business. If you start a process with a mom or parents, start out with your agreed upon rate, write it down along with agreements about paying for/not paying for vacation time, agree upon late pick up fees. Write everything down and have both parties sign it. If you get a reputation for being a push over in your business, people will milk it for all your worth.
SLM, I am going to be blunt with you. Your post makes you sound like you have a victim mentality. You need to set boundaries and stick to them. Stop giving people a break unless you can turn a blind eye to the choices that they make on their own time.
It's not your job to teach the parents in your day care about hard work or industry. It's only your job to care for their children within the confines of your state law AND collect the money that you are owed.
The Bible does say to not grow weary in doing good, but it doesn't mean that "doing good" is cutting people a break and then getting taken advantage of. Ask God what He defines as doing good. Because allowing people to take advantage of you and then getting upset about it isn't really doing anyone *good*.
So, don't fall into the very mentality that you are so against! Find other ways to bless people and keep your daycare fees and times strict.
Have your rules clearly printed about payments, ie. vacation pay and how long to give notice, how much you will charge when kids get picked up after hours and about late fees, make a day - say any payment due after Monday will incur a late fee of say, $25 on paper, laminate it and stick it on the public notice board. Make it short and sweet. When parents enroll, make it clear to them that the fees they are paying are set in stone and stick to your guns, give them a copy of this notice.
Learn to say no. It is hard. I still cant do it most days.
it sounds like you have done the right thing by no longer taking this woman on as a client. To avoid the situation in the future I would simply have set hours and a set rate that applies equally to all clients, and have it in a contract they must sign, with added fees for being late to pick up, or for being late with payment.
Well, you are running a business.
People (most people) expect to pay for a service.
It seems like you have had several posts about this: people taking advantage, taking on kids for 3rd shift, etc at more than reasonable rates.
I think you need to look at why you feel the need to be SO available and SO cheap to people. Sure, we all love to help a sista out but there is a fine line between being empathetic and being a doormat. I'd look long and hard at why, exactly, these people feel so comfortable negotiating YOUR fees and extending YOUR hours. Seriously. Could you be giving off a Salvation Army vibe? Acting more like a grandma than a service provider?
There are some people who WILL NEVER see the error of their ways. Ever. Some people are functioning at the highest level of their ability (and that may be quite a low level!).
The thing is, even if you are providing a service of removing scabs from lepers, a BUSINESS (that is NOT a non-profit or charity) is IN BUSINESS to make money. And you'll help people along the way by providing a service they need. And seek.
Do you have a contract stating clearly your expectations and payment policies? If not, you should. Late pick-up fees, vacation, holidays, etc. should all be covered in clear detail.
Bottom line: You cannot control what THEY do that does not affect you, but you CAN control your end of the deal. (i.e. Pass no judgement on that new tattoo, as long as you get paid on time.) As they say at the Chinese laundry: "no tickie, no laundry." No payment at the beginning of the week, no childcare for that week.
You can't save everybody.
And some people only want to take advantage and they want to see how far they can push you.
When it comes to business, you need a contract.
And if the terms of the contract are broken - you fire your client.
Since it sounds like you are getting tired of being walked all over, shorten the amount of time you bend, bend and bend again to accommodate anyone who is not even trying to work with you.
Adopt a 3 strike system (or what ever works for you) and when they've crossed the line - you are done.
You can do a whole lot of good without being a door mat.
I think you just need to be more discerning in the future about who you help out. Some people truly need the help and will be grateful for it, others just take advantage of a kind heart and good intentions. Next time(if you are willing to do a next time after this) take a few days or a week to think and pray about the situation and maybe have a couple of meetings with the mom to see if it really is a situation you should/can help out with. If you get the feeling that you are being played- again, just tell them sorry, but you are unable to work with them on payment plans and they will have to pay the agreed amount or find someplace else.
If you do get another bad apple(you give them a discount and they come back for more) let them know that you are unable to go any lower.
There is helping and there is enabling- and you were enabling this lady to walk all over you by always bending on your price.
If you are helping someone out for the short term(they need a break on the payment for a couple of months because of loss of income or something) make sure you have them sign an agreement and keep a copy stating they will pay the regular price once "X" happens. Or you could print up some coupons you have to sign that gives them a % off or a $ amount off for a month.
Keep doing the good thing- and thanks for helping out those who need it even though sometimes you get burned.
~C.
It sounds like in one way you are helping and in another way...not. But its not really your fault, you are more of an enabler of their leechy lifestyle. I hate to say it, but sometimes people are poor because of bad choices, not bad luck.
I have been in a similar situation, over the years my husband and i have let people live rent free off of us, ill count...um 1 single guy, a couple and their child, then 3 bachelors....then now we have a couple and their two kids doing the same. The only people who have actually taken our gift and not used us and didnt learn anything are the people we are helping now.
OOh girl - I know that running a day care is NOT easy...and I did it for a Corporation!!!
To run it out of my home?! NO THANK YOU!!! The reason I say NO THANK YOU?!?!? Is just because of what you just stated above...people "assume" that because you are "at home" it's "no skin off your nose" - well, honey it is...
There are plenty of people who feel they are entitled to something they didn't earn.
Or to a medal because they are raising the kids on their own...BRAVO!!! Or they feel they are a victim and deserve to have special allowances made for them.....well, honey - you made choices and decisions - these are the consequences of your actions - good or bad - for EVERY action - there is a REACTION...period.
From the corporate side....I can't tell you the number of mom's that would drop kids off at 0600 and not pick them up until 1800 or later....and we're talking 8 week old infants!!! And they were DREADING Friday - and when Monday came around - they were RELIEVED to drop their kid off again...
I appreciate you helping other people out - however, I think this time you've learned from your lesson and your history and need to charge the same rate and no discounts - yes, I understand it's your livelihood - however, you said it yourself - it turns out nasty....it's not a single mom mentality - it's the mentality of the people and you CANNOT CHANGE THEM!!! So instead of hoping for the best from people who give you sob stories...just stand up for yourself and say - I'm sorry - these are my rates.
GOOD LUCK!!!
I want to respond to your swh. You need to look out for you. And not feel bad about it. There is a point where being willing to bend and help out your fellow man becomes being taken advantage of and it sounds like that is what happened to you. You can be helpful by having lower rates and hours that are outside the norm but still stand your ground and demand respect. You are trying to make a living for you and your family- the people who utilize your services need to respect that. I don't think you are growing weary of doing good but growing weary of jerks taking advantage of your giving nature.
There are people who will appreciate what you do and how hard you work to take care of their children. Good luck to you and I hope going forward you only have those people in your daycare.
I can't not help people either. I do wish I was more like the person who said look out for yourself. Make my life alot easier. People take advantage if they think they are getting something for free. I would if possible say for the next so and so months it will be say 100 and then up to 150. Then when its time for it to go up to 150 and they want a break remind them that it shoudl be 150. LOl then they wll be happy with 100. If you give to much for free they of course will take advantage
You are trying to help people that need help. But you are not helping them if they are not realizing what they need to do to then help themselves. .
Here is what I have learned.. If I help someone, I do not expect anything from them. That way I am never disappointed.
If they start taking advantage and I allow it, that is my choice and I cannot complain. But I can then either speak honestly with them or I can decide, I have done enough.
It is hard. I am a giver. But once I have been pushed, I will speak up and I am willing to take what may come.
I agree to always have a contract that specifies the rules.
Then to be fair to everyone, make sure you treat each person the same.
Sure it is ok to let someone pay late, but there is a late fee. If they cannot pay, you give them notice.
It is a shame that some people are so selfish or clueless they do not realize why they never get ahead in their lives.. I always wonder why they have children if they cannot get their own lives in order first. But then I guess that is why they got pregnant in the first place.
I have had people go on and on about how they feel so put upon, how they work so hard but never get ahead.. I would probably say something to this mom you speak of, just because I am like that..
Or moms that complain.. I had a mom tell me once she was ready to divorce her husband because his work was his priority. He worked late, was always on the phone. She had begged him to not work so hard. That the family wanted him home. I reminded her maybe it was because they went on lots of vacations, both of their children went to summer camps each summer. She purchased a new car every 3 years. She remodeled their home and had an interior designer decorate it.... The vacations they took several times a year were at super nice places and far away.. MAYBE he was a little stressed about making enough money to support them the way they were used to living?
She said she had never thought of that before.. But I just could not take it anymore.. cause gosh knows we were driving a decade old beat up car.. no vacations , house falling down around us and decorating via, hand me downs and garage sales and craigslist.. But my husband was home on time..
I love the saying... " You can't control what people, do, think or say..."
Your work is giving quality care to people's children. It's not fixing their lives or giving them a break so that they can spend their money on other things that aren't necessitates. Honestly, I think you undervalue the work you do. I'm not saying that to be mean or critical; please don't take it that way. What I mean is that when you don't have the expectation that your work is truly worth what you're charging and you give these people "breaks" it allows them to take advantage of you.
If you don't have this in place I would draft a pretty complete "handbook" of your policies and procedures and stick to it, leaving a (very) little wiggle room for negotiating. In our business the relationship between us as caregivers, and families as customers, should be mutually fulfilling. It should not be them giving us business and taking advantage and us going above and beyond the call of duty and feeling like we aren't appreciated.
And I would also bite my tongue about saying things and trying to "help" them. If people want your advice they will ask it and then you can say the things that you think will be helpful. Blurring the professional line between your work and your opinion of how people live isn't helpful to you or them and it muddies the waters. I'm not saying that you should not be willing to bend for people and should only look out for your own self-interests, but it feels as though you're enabling people to continue on with their crazy practices and meanwhile it makes you crazy and damages your business in the process.
I have a policy book and I'd be happy to share.
I hope you feel better... Family conflict gets under my skin too, and it takes me a long time to process it and feel ok. It's part of the job to a degree, but we aren't social workers. Do all that you can for the kids and let the parents figure things out. Right now I am fortunate to have really nice families. I am almost always able to handle the kids no matter what, but if the parents are a mess it makes things really tough.
Best of luck~
