Cheer Mom Won't Pay for Party

please don't make this pooooor girl pay for her Mom's choices. Let her finish out the year with her friends, & then deny admission next year.... unless her Mom/Dad pay the full tuition upfront. :)

I would suck up the 10 bucks and retool how to deal with the mom next year. I don't think a kid should be affected by their parent's irresponsibility by what would equte to public shaming in front of her friends.

If they re-enroll, discuss with her that she needs to pay upfront, and any disputes with her ex-husband need to be worked out with him, and you simply refuse and don't have the time or energy to be put in the middle. She is taking advantage of you and it's not fair.

Her poor DD, who is probably more than mortified about her mom's embarassing behavior.

I don't know how you guys do it. Parents really can suck.

Honestly, I think I would just send out an email and say that there is a family that needs a bit of help so that their girl can participate. I'd ask if everyone would be willing to chip in a buck. I can't imagine that anyone would think a thing about it - I know I'd be happy to help out in this situation if I was in a position to. I think any mom would just for the little girl's sake.

I think this goes under one of those things that happens when you coach a team or some other thing that needs a person in a leadership role.
Sometimes we have to step up and make the experience a good one for the child.
It's 10 pathetic little dollars to help this child feel like she is worth something.
DO NOT contact other mothers. Can you imagine if you were the child and now everyone knows your business?? Then not only do the other moms know, but they tell their husbands, probably talk about it in front of their daughters, who then tell their other friends, and this poor little girl is going to bare the brunt of the ridicule that will happen for it.
I can not tell you how often we have chipped in a couple of dollars to help other kids on my husband's team that he coaches. Extra pizza's we have bought, extra T-shirts we have brought to games, extra time we have spent with one or two children. Coupons we have cut, kids we have given rides to.
If you send me your address I will send you the $10 so this poor kid doesn't have to suffer because her mother is a loser and her coach doesn't want to spend a whole $10 from her OWN pocket. I actually feel quite sorry for this little girl, I am surprised that you don't.
L.

Next time you do see her dad you should pull him aside and tell him what has been going on. Ask him for contact information for him so that you can get in touch with him on occasions like your post so that your daughter will not be put into a bad situation in the future. I am sure that he will be glad to know about it and glad to help.

Laura is so right!!! I was room mom and team mom from the time my daughter started school until she graduated. Not everyone is going to be responsible like they should. I just assume that when I volunteer (I know you have a paying job there) for a position, I'm going to get stuck paying for pizzas, drinks, gifts and carting lots of girls around.

Don't drag the other mothers into it, I would try to find it in your heart to help this little girl out when her mother is behaving badly

Added: I just remembered something!! Christmas 2011 I was the organizer for buying our sales director her group gift. We decided on wine from one of her favorite wineries in Temecula. I did the all day weekend drive there and back, bought the wine....two sales reps still owe me $50/each!!!

Don't punish the child. Get everyone to chip in a buck and it will cover her.

I think that if you are the cheer team leader next year, you have to tell the mom that in order for her daughter to join the team, she has to pay upfront. Tell her that you are sorry about this, but after not paying the previous year, you just don't have a choice in this. Tell her that you will leave it to HER to talk to her ex-husband. Until the bill is paid in full, her daughter will not be cheering.

I'm sorry that you won't get reimbursed for the party. She wants something for nothing. I know her daughter is a sweetie, but you need to set some real parameters.

Dawn

Whatever you do, please don't make the girl sit on the sidelines. That's shaming a pre-teen girl at an incredibly sensitive age for something that is in no way her fault.

In terms of a solution, I guess what I would do is just approach the dad. It's not 100% fair to make him pick up after the mom's messes, but it's not your job to fix this mess of a mom. It's your job to get yourself paid in a way that's as painless to the girl as possible. If the dad wants to pursue the mom for repayment, then he (or his lawyer) can do that later. Not your problem.

First, does the girl show good sportsmanship? Does she enjoy being on the cheer squad?

If yes, then please approach the other families and tell them there is a 'charity case' and would they be willing to pitch in a small amount to cover her class fee and party?

Then next year, ask for payment up front. And the next time this mom tells you that it's the ex's turn...that you are no longer keeping track of whose turn it is. That you will contact only one person from her family for payment.

To really shake things up, do not allow the family to rejoin unless they pay upfront, as it sounds like the mom can afford her partying, but does not prioritize her girl. How sad for the girl. But the girl needs to learn how the real world works and she needs to know that this is how her mom operates.

Do not put the child between her mother and father. She's already fighting that battle every day. So the idea of asking her to step outside while the others get the party and the gifts just isn't right.

You're done with her mom and dad. Next year, she can't enroll unless the mom pre-pays, but that needs to be a policy up front for all parents.

I'd email the other parents and say that a few girls are facing financial hardships (don't say just 1 - they'll all try to figure out who) and ask if anyone can kick in an extra $1 or $2 so that it doesn't come out of one person's pocket (you can imply that it's your pocket, but don't say so). Cheering is all about TEAMWORK so make this a team effort.

THis family may have real financial difficulties - a lot of divorced parents do - and it could also be that there is some manipulation going on. But you can't let it get to the end of the year and then have the child suffer. The time to kick her out was back when the fees weren't paid, not now.

Going forward, set policies, and perhaps consider a scholarship program for girls who cannot afford to join. Other families can contribute, and the kids themselves can have a fundraiser or bake sale to get additional money.

But I think it's a done deal with this family that you aren't getting the $10. The child is the pawn (whether their financial troubles are real or just exaggerated), and they are inviting the cheer squad into the battle by basically daring you to kick the kid out. Don't make this poor child suffer because her parents are making their animosity public.

Good luck!

Email her again, be very blunt. It is $10 for the party, if you dont pay, your daughter cannot attend. I think asking the other moms, especially the ones she carpools with to help is a good idea as well.

As much as it sucks for you to have to pay an extra $10, how much do you think it sucks for that girl to have parents like that AND how much would it suck to not be inlcuded in theparty or not get a gift when everyone else does? Please find a way to afford the $10 and do not let her be on the team next year unless her parents pay up front.

Personally, I would suck it up and pay the $10 for the party, or ask one or two other moms that you are close with to help you split the cost. It's not the girl's fault that she has a lousy mom and leaving her out of the party will just make her feel bad.

I would NOT allow the girl to rejoin the team next year though if the mom can't get her act together. I would talk with her before the season and say:
1. Please let me know which weeks to expect money from you and when to expect it from your ex. I don't want to bug you unnecessarily.
2. Anytime your daughter doesn't pay, she will not be allowed to participate.
3. If payment is late or missing three times, she will be kicked off the team.

I know money sounds tight for you, but $10 really isn't that much at all. And $5 per kid for soda and pizza sounds a bit high...maybe you'll have enough extra that she can eat and drink without paying? Then you're only out $5 for the gift.

How old is the girl? Is she old enough to talk to her about it? To let her know that she needs to ask her mom for the money each week before she attends, and to get the money from her mom (or dad) before the party?

Also, do you have emergency contact info in case something happens to the mom? I find it really weird that the dad is active in her life, but neither you nor the girl have his phone number.

if you want to make a final attempt.. are there any other moms that this mother is close with?.. id text or call one of them and say ive been trying to get a hold of her, she wont answer me and hasnt paid.. id just tell them whats going on, that the only responce you ever recieved was that its the x's turn but she wont give you his info.. just tell them that if the daughter is going to attend the party, you need to money, plain and simple.. maybe one of her mom friends can get through to her .. i feel bad for the daughter
if you hear nothing id send this mom one more text saying that youd hate to leave her daughter out because she refuses to pay/respond to you and that if her daughter shows up to the party then she will not recieve her little gift because, it has yet to be paid for , not to mention you arent even sure the girl is going to attend (obviously if the kid shows up you cant send her home or have her sit there and not eat while everyone else is)... i think youve been nice enough about the whole situation, let her know how annoyed you are with all of it and how unfair she is being to you and all of the other girls and their parents - why should everyone else contribute with no problem and not her .. tell her that you dont care whos "turn" it is.. its not your job to go hunting down her ex to get $ from him, not that you even could because she refuses to give you his info

-if this poor little girl does show up with another mom i would make it a point to tell her how incredibly sorry you are and how bad you feel that she doesnt have a gift because her mother never got back to you on wether she was going to attend or not

added- // no i dont think its fair that the child is punished because she has a crappy mom.. but how is it fair to ask the other moms to chip in and pay for her??

you don't have to tell any other moms what is going on. all you have to say is "one of the girls's mom can't afford the party can everyone pitch in an extra $1" you will have moms step forward and pay either the dollar or the whole ten. you don't say how old this little girl is but she should not be penalized because the mom is an idiot.

I wanted to add in a solution for this problem for next year and that is to just charge everyone the extra $10 upfront for the party. just make your fees $10 higher and then this problem is solved

I would give the girl a heads up that if you do not receive payment, she will have to sit the activities (class, party, whatever) out. She should be old enough to understand that and live with those consequences. So what if her mother gets mad? You are not the one punishing the child; her mother is.

write up a new contract for next season. put in the contract that if there is a payment that is missed there will be a (blank) amount late fee charge. if the payment is not paid 2 weeks after the due date the child will be removed from the class. if there are 2 months of non payment the child will be removed from the class for the remainder of the year. you cant keep putting yourself in this predicament. when dad comes in next get his contact info. also have him sign the contract also.

I feel really bad for this girl. Imagine having to deal with her Mom at home. This girl must feel horrible inside knowing her Mom is doing this to her. I would email her one last time and tell her how unfair it is to make her daughter feel so bad because she does not have the money for the party. I would also say because she did not pay you will have to ask all the other Moms to chip in and tell them why. Maybe she will send her in with some money.
I really would not do that , I would just make that mom think I was doing that. I get why you cannot pay for her. It's hard getting stuck, I have been there when I was a single mom and volunteered for things and kids showed up without money. I could not pay for them at all.
Maybe there is one other mom you can talk to , one who will not make a huge deal out of helping this girl out.

If I were you I would buy the girl the $5 gift and if she shows up then also pay the $5 for the party. You sound like a nice and caring person...you know it's not her fault and if you don't help out the little girl by sparing her this embarrassment I think you will end up feeling awful!
I would also strongly suggest you DO NOT involve the other parents. This is a private financial matter between you and this particular family. I know I would not enroll my children in a class that is known for rampant gossiping about others personal affairs.
Next year, if the mother (or father) tries to enroll her in your program, maybe you could require 100% of the class fee's to be paid prior to the first class. If the child were to be sent to class before this payment were made then she could be permanently dismissed.
Best wishes!

Can you ask the rest of the group to pitch in a $1 towards someone who couldn't afford it (without giving a name)?...then if mom or dad finally comes through, you can repay them?

I think that when you have sign up for the next season or year, you have a place for both parent's contact information and maybe have a intro session before the classes begin and require that parents attend (specify that if parents share the cost both should attend) then you can insure you have contact information for both. Going forward, part of your "contract"/sign up paperwork should specify that payment is due Friday for the upcoming week. If not received by Monday night, the child can not attend until payment is made (or whatever your payment schedule is...last day of the month for the upcoming month for example) regardless of "who's turn it is". If you do this, it will not single out this family but cover you.

Another option is to take these parents aside at the start of the season and ask for their contact information. Remind them that payment is due on such and such date for their child regardless of whose turn it is to pay and while you don't want to be unfair to either of them, it is not fair to you to be expected to teach their daughter without payment. If you are willing to work with them on the "whose turn" you could ask them to indicate upfront who is responsible for each payment so you know who to contact when it isn't paid.

Since it is the end of the year, if she were the only one that would be excluded, I would let her be included and just suck it up with a way to pay the $10.

Maybe the girl could earn the $10? Help out with office stuff? Help organize the party? Clean up after the party?

Going forward you have two options, (that should apply to all students)
1. Get authorization from the parents for auto-withdrawl of an account on a specific day of the month. My daughter's dance class does this. The first of the month, the month's payment is automatically withdrawn from my checking or charged to my credit card.

They have us sign a paper mid year giving permission to automatically charge/withdrawl a specific amount for recital costs. For you, it could be the end of year costs.

2. Parents have the option of paying the full year tuition at the beginning of the year, before classes start.

Don't allow this welfare mentality. If daughter sits out then both parents will know that there is a problem to be addressed. I would post a paylist and check off which girls have paid for shoes, pom poms, pizza, etc.

I would not pay for the girl. Its not fair to the struggling parents who find a way to pay.

D. gave a great idea for next year but it may not work if others don't have the same rule.

Thank goodness for coaches like you--but one person in life told me that volunteering should not cost the volunteer financially--just in time.

It's very likely that you are not the only one this Mom is playing games with.
Some people go through life enjoying scamming others and seeing how far they can go getting others to 'chip in and pay their way'.
Get over any feelings you have that you are punishing the girl.
The Mom is counting on your sense of guilt - and your feelings of guilt are misplaced.
YOU are not doing this to the girl.
Her MOM is doing this to her.
It's unfortunate but there's nothing you can do about the kind of parent the girl has.
To accommodate and capitulate is no better than giving in to a ransom demand.
And if there's one thing I really and truly hate it's being manipulated.
No money = she can't stay at the party.
Whether she's with anyone or not, if she shows up, tell them they need to call who ever and get a ride home immediately - the other girl must have a parent.
Of course the Mom is going to blame you.
I'm sure she goes through life and everyone else is at fault for where she is in life - she's forever the 'helpless victim'.
Expect it and be ready for it.
Even if you never say it out loud to her face, just think to yourself "Bummer, Dudette. Go scam somebody else. I'm not falling for it".