To go to an old friends',dads funeral services? We were childhood friends ( my aunt watched us both from as early as I can remember until about 1st grade.)We are the same age, but were from different towns. We lost touch around middle school age, and have seen eachother off and on since then- we are both 30 now. I knew her dad well, when I was in touch with her... but obviosuly have not seen him in 15+ years. I am very awkward in death situations, so I am looking to you all for help! Thanks!
Thank You for all the suggestions. I think I may go to the wake, just to show that I care about her, even if it has been years.
I am always nervous to go to these things because I always feel my feeling are out of place. Something that happened when I was a child makes me feel this way every time I have to go to a wake/funeral. Anyway- thanks again for the comments/suggesgtions
When my FIL passed away several years ago, an old classmate of my husband's came to the funeral. Even though my husband hadn't seen this person in more than 25 years, it meant a lot to him that he came. They didn't keep in touch afterward or anything, but my husband still remembers that this person made the effort to pay his respects.
Go. It's never wrong to do a kind thing.
From someone who was pretty distraught when my Dad died - I LOVED seeing old friends at his funeral. No we didn't use the time to "reconnect" - we just promised to later. It was very comforting. I say go.
Go. My father died this year, and it was wonderful to see how many people loved him, and how he had touched others' lives, if only in a small way. Remembering someone helps to prevent the feeling that they never actually existed. It really is comforting to his family to know that other people remembered him too.
The highest form of respect is to attend the funeral.
If it is not ridiculously out of your way, go. I lost my dad this past May and was shocked at how nice it really was to receive cards from people. We drove out to Oregon from New York for his service and I hadn't been home in at least 8 years. My high school English teacher, one of my high school friends' moms (I have kept up with her on and off by email), and many other people were there. I know my English teacher hadn't stayed too close to my dad, but he had taught all three of us girls (my sisters and myself) and thought it might be good for us to see a friend. A friendly, even if it has not be a close, face is always welcome.
It would be a very nice gesture to pay your respects. Perhaps you can rekindle the friendship, either physically, or by email/phone. Go to the funeral. I'm sure it will make her happy that you took the time.
The funeral is for the living, not the dead.
If you are the kind of person that would open the door for a man in a wheel chair or help a blind person find her way into a room, then you have enough kindness to go to the funeral and make the grieving people left behind feel better.
Good luck to you and yours.
I think it is very kind of you to want to go. It could rekindle an old friendship.
If you feel like going to pay respects, and you can go, then why not go?
I would.
As you said, you knew him well.
And she was your friend.
I think your friend would appreciate it very much if you went. A funeral is a way to pay respects to the deceased and to show support for the loved ones dealing with their loss. I lost a dear childhood friend to cancer a year ago and seeing many of our friends from the neighborhood we grew up in was a comfort during that time, even though we hadn't seen each other in ages.
As far as being awkward just remember it is ok to cry, hug or hold hands if you feel the urge to do so. Just speak from your heart and offer your condolences to the family. Speaking of fond memories you had of your friend and her father or any pictures you may have from long ago may be a nice way to lighten the mood too. Good luck and God Bless.
I hope this helps you decide what to do.
A.
I think it would comfort her to see you there.
it's always kinder to pay your respects....
I just lost my Dad in August. It was great to see people that I hadn't seen in 15 or 20 years at the wake and funeral. If you feel you would like to go, don't talk yourself out of it.
Go...it is respectful...and she will be glad you are there.
it would be good to go to the wake at least, but if you want to, go ahead to funeral. Just make sure you pay your respects and tell her that you're sorry. Try to be there for her too-she's going through a hard time.
Go. See your friend and then maybe you can have a coffee in a couple weeks and reconnect.
I don't think it would be inappropriate to go.
When my aunt passed away, lots of people came to her service that I hadn't seen since I was a kid. People were welcome to stand and share their favorite memories of her and almost everyone did. She had touched a lot of people in her lifetime.
I see attending a service as a way of paying your respect to the family.
I'm certain the family would appreciate you going.
Best wishes.
When my father died my sister and I had lived away from our home city for a number of years. Several of our old friends from our late teens and early 20s came to the wake/funeral. These were people that had spent many hours at our home and knew our father, but who we had not seen in years, since we both left the city.
It was lovely, touching, and wonderful that they came to my father's funeral. To me, it showed that he held a place in their hearts from our "growing up" years.
God Bless
I agree that if it's not out of the way to go that it would mean a lot. I think that like others have said the family will appreciate that he touched your life and that you remember him. Someone from my hometown passed away and I put a condolence on the funeral home website. I included a memory of the man and how he always wore shorts in school, even on the coldest of days. I felt kind of stupid and out of place putting it out there, but I did. (He was 5 years older than me and I knew him b/c my hometown population is 300.) When my mom attended the funeral his mother told her that my memory meant so much to her. She was touched I remembered that about him. So... it's the little things that can make a difference. If you want to go I don't think anyone is going to say that was inappropriate.
I think if you feel like going, that that is a wonderful thing to do. It shows respect for the deceased and can feel supportive of the family. I think it doesn't matter that you havent stayed in touch, if you feel like going to say goodbye to him, then go. All you have to say to your friend is that you are sorry for her loss. You might regret it if you didn't go!
I think it would be nice of you to go. You don't have to say much--just that you are sorry for her loss.
What does your gut say? GO? then you should go. There is no appropriate with these situations.
sounds like you have some fond memories of their family...go share those with them. I know when grandma died we loved hearing about her from old friends that they hadn't seen in years. It was comforting.
Go and pay your respects and reconnect. this is a difficult time and people always appreciate support.
I debated the same exact thing once. I decided to go. As I sat with that friend after the service, she said to me, "You are the only one who came for ME. Thank you." Turned out everyone else there was either friends of her father or her siblings, not her. You may not be the only one who goes for your friend, but you'll be glad you went.
I am so sorry for your loss. I would go. I think you can never have too many friends around you when you go through such tragedy such as this. Go and support your friend. She needs you.
M
Go. She will be glad you did.
LBC
Definitely go. You were good friends. Sometimes it is nice for the grieving
person to have a dear friend there for her. (Even though it has been 15 yrs).
If you live close by I would go to both if possible. If not just go to the wake
if there is one.
I would go...if not out of respect for the man - but out of friendship for his daughter - your friend!
GO!!!
I would go to the service but not the home or graveside. It is an open funeral that has been posted in the paper then it's open for anyone to come. The other stuff is much more personal and in my opinion for friends.
your not going for him your going for the family that is left. if your good friends with this person go.
I wouldnt go. This is there family time...not a time to rekindle the friendship. I would send a nice card, personalize it with memories, feelings etc and then reach out and tell her to call you if she wants to talk or have coffee and give her your number
.
Do you feel like you want to go? For you? For him? For your friend?
Your friend won't notice that you didn't go if you don't want to go.
But I say if you feel like you should go, then go.
If you respect the dead, then go. Give your respects and if this rekindles a friendship, then great. If not, simply say you were an old friend of the family and heard about his passing and wanted to pay your respects to someone you once knew well. Sincere condolences are rarely unwanted.
