Is Husband Going to Cheat?

Try to talk to him about it.. I am kinda of going through the same thing but mine is talking to his ex. I just hope that you are okay and that things will work out for you.

Hello, You should confront him asap. He is planning to cheat! He is going through all the steps to meet someone. How could he do that to you after all the work you do. Has he ever cheated before?

M.,

Hang in there. I was in the same situation about a two years ago (my husband was 40 at the time). It can really bring you down but you need to stay positive and keep focusing on the chilren and the fact that you two have made it for twelve years already. Now a-days, you don't see marriages lasting that long.

I like the idea of creating a user and seeing if you can get his attention to see what he is truly up to but I know I wouldn't have the patience for that. When I found out my husband was cruising a website similar to fling.com, I confronted him right away. I was also 8 months pregnant at the time (we already had a 1.5 year old). He had also created a profile and indicated he was searching. I confronted him and told him if that was the case, he needed to leave. I would not stand for it. My BIL (husband's brother) cheated on his wife and she stayed with him. She is constantly throwing it out there and you can see how it's eaten away at her. I told my husband I will NOT be like her. As much as I would hate to break up our family, he would get the boot. He would be responsible for breaking up our family - for tearing apart a family that included two chilren. I don't mean it to sound like a guilt-trip. I just really wanted to make it clear in his mind what would happen.

I think men need a reality check at times. It's no shock that men go through a mid-life crisis. There will always be someone/thing out there that is tempting and different than their marriage. (Same for a woman.) It's important to keep things in perspective though. I made it very clear to my husband that as much as I love him, if he chose to step out on our marriage, that was a choice that had consequences. I then laid out everything - what he would lose by doing this. Not just daily interaction with our children, but also our home and all that we have together.

You really should confront him and communicate the hurt and disappointment that you feel. Be open to the "why" - why was he looking? Does he want something "new", "different"? You are NOT to blame for anything - be firm in your mind on that. You've been married a long time. Many couples have a hard time keeping their relationship going. We are not the same people throughout our lives - both you and your husband will constantly be changing and the key is to always find a way back to each other. It may be time to revisit your relationship and add some new twists - it may not even be all about sex. I'm sure there could be changes in your relationship that you would want. I mean, I think every woman out there would like a little more romance. :) Communication is one of the hardest aspects of a relationship but it's one of the most important. Talk about why he was looking. Are there things you guys can add/remove from your relationship that would help both of you?

Really, hang in there. If you want to talk, please feel free to email. Sometimes, it's easier to talk to a stranger about a situation than it is to talk to your family/friends.

Good luck and I hope that it all works out for you.

K.

Hi M.,
First I'd like to say that I'm so sorry that you are going thru this difficult situation right now. This is something that no woman ever wants to deal with. The reality is though that you do have to deal with it.
Second, I'd like to tell you to start praying. Pray that God will give you the strength to deal with this situation in the best way possible and still manage to keep your head on straight.
Not knowing you or your husband, it's really difficult to judge weather he is a "cheater" or not. I think that you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart. Open up the communication lines and find out what's going through that head of his. Next I'd recommend marriage counseling. You've already invested 12 long years and four children into this marriage, and if at all possible you should try to salvage it. Marriage counseling will make you both stronger and better people. That commiment you made to each other 12 years ago is serious and important, and so long as both of you are willing to overcome his point of weakness together hopefully you will end up happier and more in love in the end.
Please try to do what is best by your marriage and your children. Your husband has obviously used poor judgement to this point, but so long as he hasn't truly cheated yet, these wounds may heal.
God bless you and your family. My heart goes out to you.
T.

Beating him at his own game is an idea but you have to be prepared for the consequences! Can you actually picture yourself being the person on the other end of those e-mails from your husband? I think the rage and jealousy you would experience would drive you mad! You're better off confronting him about it immediately and not let your feelings fester any longer! My fiancee cheated 2 years ago and we're still reeling from it, I don't know if we'll ever recover. Please try to stop this if you can before it goes any further, if not get out! If you're interesting in talking, send me a message.

Hi M.,
The part that concerns me is not that he's going on the website but that he's down as looking for a woman. Now, this may be something that is fulfilling some fantasty of his but he's not going to react but it's definitely something that needs to be discussed. I don't expect that he's going to say, "Yes, honey, I was thinking of cheating" but sometimes just by bringing it up, it'll stop him in his tracks. Another (not so honest way) of going about things is to join the website and contact him and see how far he would go. But this way is definitely more dishonest. Good luck and let us know what happens.

I think you've already "caught him in the act." The act of visiting such a site and setting up a profile and secret email account would be enough for me. Some might say to sneak around and see what you can catch him doing, but I say confront him immediately. You need to decide what is acceptable in your marriage and stand for nothing less. There are children involved here. I think the two of you need to have a long, honest talk and decide where your relationship stands as soon as possible before this situation gets any messier. Maybe he is looking for a way out of the marriage. OR, maybe he is going through something and made a very stupid mistake. Be honest, confront him, and figure out how you are going to move forward (with or without him) in a way that is going to be healthiest in the long run for you and your children. I wish you the best of luck.

You know what, why don't you beat him at his own game. Set up a profile on a friends computer or your own and introduce yourself as someone else and see what happens. Or you can confrot him, but I bet he will say it is just fun nothing more.
I am also a stay at home mom of 4 kids and have been married over 15 years. If you ever want to talk e-mail me. I can be preaty sneaky too. LOL!

I would say he is well on his way to cheating on you (Sorry). With my experience, if you know in advance that the thought is there you need to bring it up and talk about it before it possibly ruins your family. If he has gone so far as to have a profile and has posted his desire for a woman than there is definately a possibility that he will act on this. Even if it is a fantasy that he is not really going to act on, if he would meet one of these women, the urge may not end there. I would edfinatley confront him and possibly get some couples counseling before it goes to far.

I am sorry to hear about this and I hope it all works out for the best.

M., I am of the opinion that you should be honest, and not pose as another woman to catch him. I have gone through this myself, and have found that it is best to just confront your husband. Tell him you know where he has been on the computer, and warn him that if he carries through with cheating, that he is not only risking your trust, and your marriage, but that it affects the children as well. Tell him that even if the two of you don't tell the children he cheated, they will feel that something has changed. If you allow this kind of behavior, or are too forgiving of it, it will happen again. If you decide to forgive him this one mistake, there should be some consequences, such as limited computer activity, etc. I wouldn't end a marriage because my husband THOUGHT about cheating, but I would certainly not give him the opportunity to think about it again. He took a few steps over and above thinking about it, but that doesn't mean he can't see the error of his ways. Good Luck and Be Strong!

M.,
This is a really touchy subject, but the reality is if he is going through all this trouble just to set up his profile and seperate email account, most likely he will cheat if he hasn't already.
You know your husband better than anyone, and be honest with yourself, and ask yourself has he been acting different towards you or just different in anyway. Then just confront him. You will find your answers and know if he's lying or not. Too many marriages are ruined based on lies. If there is something that isn't working for the both of you here is your chance to try to make things work before it's too late. I know this sounds much easier than it is but it will never be easy. And you will find your own way to confront him.
Good Luck and I wish you the best.

Hi M.,

I to agree with some of the other ladies, set up a bogus account, see if you can set a date and see if he his going to go for it, my girlfriend husband does almost the same thing , except he calls it cyper sex, and thinks nothing wron with it, I think it nasty, if yr getting everything at home, there is no need to go somewhere else, You need to nip this in the bud before he does anything and brings home a sexual tranmitted disease or worse. Good Luck

I don't think there is really any explanation for what is going on. As far as I see it he is either going to cheat or has done it already. The midlife crisis thing is a myth. A man either loves his wife or he doesn't. He either respects her or he doesn't. If you believe that you can handle everything that is going on than document what you found, print it out and so forth and confront him. He is either going to tell you the truth or give you a load of bull. Get out before your any more hurt than you already are. If you believe that you can forgive him and won't do it again than seek counseling. But after tweleve years of marriage and four kids no one deserves to be put through this. In the end you'll end up resenting him which may prove problematic for your children and yourself. I am sorry if this sounds too blunt or even crass but I don't know any other way to put it. Good luck and you deserve much better than this. It's still cheating if he is not telling anyone he meets he is married and online dating.

M.,

Don't feel that this is in any way shining upon YOU as a woman. Confront him but not necessarily with accusation. Ask. Let him know you love and adore him and want him to be satisfied by only you. If there are reasons he is wanting out there, find out why. What is he wanting that he is getting online?

My husband & I met online. There is a certain attraction with having, say an instant message conversation with each other. Having friends online is one thing, this is entirely different for you.

Ask you husband. Let him know that you don't wish to rip the family apart because of his actions. Let him know how his 'indiscretions' make you feel. Maybe his knowing that you KNOW will be enough to force him to consider his options. Unless he's met up with one of these people in person, nothing has truly happened yet.

Yes, we all change. My husband and I change regularly. By being open to new experiences with each other, your relationship has no choice but to grow and expand. Just because "the same old same old" isn't keeping his attention now doesn't mean that change (in good ways) is bad.

Keep your chin up and ask your husband the questions that are bothering you.

I definitely think there's a reason why he's on that website. Does he seem unhappy in your marriage?? Perhaps, you can casually approach him about this. Maybe start out the conversation like "You know, we don't get a whole lot of time together anymore? Does that bother you?"

Or you can just come out and say " I know you've been on a website called Fling.com and I am concerned about our marriage. Maybe we need to talk about this?"

Check out www.craigslist.org in your area and see if he's left a message in the personals there as well.

I definitely think you should say something to him.

Hello M.,

I want to say you are a trooper and you have patience. My brothers ex-wife remarried and her husband was cheating online before they got married and continued until she caught him. It is considered cheating. But, it is up to you how you want to handle it. Since you have been married so long, maybe counceling is best. I wish you well.

All I can say is COMMUNICATION!!!! I would have confronted him right away and asked what was going on. For all he knows- you are clueless and he can keep right on doing this. Tlak to him, find out what is going on. You obviously don't have the relationship you think you have. If you want to work this out, you need to talk with him.

First go to an attorney and get advice. Second, set aside some money. The first thing my huband did was take all the money out of the bank account. Make sure you have a credit card in your name. It can be hard to get without a current work history. Just make sure you will be ok if he gets angry and does not want to work it out. It is unbelievable what people will do, so protect yourself, before he knows that you know or suspect anything. I wish I had known what I now do.
Then you could go for counseling or to a minister or something.
Good luck.
C.

Set up a marriage counseling appointment IMMEDIATELY!

I am very sorry about your situation. I don't know much about you or your husband so I can't say for sure what the best thing is to do in such a situation, but I personally belive that honesty is vital in any functioning relationship. You may want to talk to your husband not specifically about what you discovered (since he obviously hasn't been open about it), but about his feelings about your marriage and where he feels things in life are going, he may feel more inclined to be open about whats going on. If not you may want to try couples therapy and maybe going out on dates just the two of you to help remind him that you are still the wonderful woman he fell in love with. I hope that everything goes well and wish you all the best.

M.,
What he is doing is wrong! Be careful when you confront him. Don't wait to talk to him about it. Just talk quietly and let him know how very hurt you are by this. Ask him if there is something you have or have not done that has made him want to seek out another relationship. I would take this very seriously. I don't know your hubby but I sure know the signs (my ex) and I DO think he is seriously considering an affair if not worse. Oh and when he gets defensive and asks why you are snooping just say, "I am your wife, I have a right to look at anything I want, unless you have something to hide?" It will shut him right up! Then offer up your purse for him to look through, if he takes it further.
Hang in there sister, You caught it early. Don't back down but love him through this.
Blessings,
A.

The more I thought about this and read the other responses, the angrier I became. What he is doing behind your back is completely disrespectful, he isn't even careful not to have you catch him! Does he want to get caught or doesn't he even care?

I'm not sure what kind of person you are but I would maybe consider offering up some fun-loving S&M, tie him up, get him all riled up, then turn on the lights and confront him at his weakest point! I would be creative in the way I confront him as well!

You deserve better treatment than this and so do your children! Nip this in the bud!

I say beat him at his own game. Set up your own account. Then arrange to meet him (if they ask for a picture put anyones). If he shows up at the metting place hand him his walking papers. You dont deserve that kind of treatment after having four children. And you also dont need any diseases. Dont wait act now! If hes ready to cheat catch him so you dont catch something.Dont worry about being dishonest he isnt worried about his dishonesty.If you ever need to talk please feel free to email me. Good luck and stay strong. steph

Please look into your bank account and just see how much he has spent. It could be an addictive problem where he needs to seek professional help.

If it were me, i'd totally confront him and just try to understand why he did it. I'm sorry, I hope you feel better and find some comfort in the other replies, mine isn't too much help.