Is He Ever Going to Be NOT So Critical?

Updated on March 04, 2011
C.C. asks from Morrisville, PA
15 answers

My husband called tonight just to say hi to me (which is not something he normally does so I was happy to hear his voice) he asked me about our childs platdate it was just a nice conversation...then like usual he has to start criticizing me. He told me I should stop my bad habit of clearing my throat. I told him very calmly its not a habit but I can mucus coating my throat so I do that to speak clearly. He continued and I said we were having such a nice conversation. He brought it up again and said people will think really werid.
I love him But I don't understand why he chooses to make such a big deal about such goofy stuff. He is always like this all.
I am not mad. A bit confused while he makes such a moutain over such minor things?

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So What Happened?

He critizes everything from the I clean,cook,call his parents,talk,

Featured Answers

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Just ignore it EVERY time and continue the conversation. Do not reward him with any expiation or come back. It sounds like it has become a bad habit to make this comment to you.

I do not know about where you live, but here we have constant molds, pollens and allergies.. It is the price we pay for living in a nice mild climate with lots of trees.

7 moms found this helpful

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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

He's a masogynist-and there will be a brief window of time when he will be not so critical-it comes between the moment you tell him it's over-and really mean it-until the time you meet a really nice guy who loves you and your throat clearing.

4 moms found this helpful

L.C.

answers from Washington DC on

He criticizes? Stop doing what he criticizes.
If he doesn't like the way you cook - don't cook. Tell him that since he doesn't like the way you do it, and he can obviously do it better, that he should do the cooking.
Ditto with the cleaning.
If you are doing something and he squawks, just hand it over and walk out.
He'll stop.
:-)
LBC

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S.H.

answers from Honolulu on

I don't see it as him being 'so critical.'
Many people may get irked when a person they are talking to always clears their throat.

My Cousin, did that as a nervous habit, for example.
It was pronounced and irritating. He outgrew it.
Lots of people noticed it.

If you have a mucus problem, then well do you have allergies?
Does the mucus in your throat only occur when you are talking to people or just whenever or all the time?

For your Husband, doing it while talking probably is distracting. So he is saying so.
Or he is just mentioning something, as a tip, for you to be aware of. ?

Or does he criticize you over every little thing you do? If so then HE is irritating. No one is perfect.
Him included.

3 moms found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

My DH was very critical for long time, I still think it's a way to make them selves feel better but I didnt mention that to him Sit down when you're both in a calm mood and tell him how you feel. use I feel .... when you ... not you make me feel .... Say it with love not criticism. I love you so much but feel you dont like me very much when you criticize.... I also read about the five love languages and shared that with him and it helped as well

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L.D.

answers from Las Vegas on

What I have noticed is that when people are critical of other people, its usually a case that those people possess those same qualities in themselves. For example, the friend who complains that another friend is "such an attention grabber," is also the one that dominates the conversation. Or the relative that is critical of another relative's reckless spending habits also has a heavy credit card debt.

I don't think your husband has a mucus or throat clearing problem but he is probably very subconsciously concerned about being perceived as "really weird" even though there's probably not anything that is "really weird" about him.

I don't know if this fits with your husband but it is something that I have observed here and there with people that I have known.

3 moms found this helpful
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D.G.

answers from Houston on

My first instinct is to tell him to stop his bad habit of criticizing. But that probably wouldn't be productive. ;)

2 moms found this helpful

T.B.

answers from Bloomington on

Just start continually clearing your throat! he he! My hubby used to chew ice while talking on the phone and it would drive me crazy! His response, he'd chew even louder! Make it your inside joke!

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M.3.

answers from Chicago on

I would just try to ignore it. I agree that maybe he is self concise (sp?) about himself. Like the other poster said, probably not that specific issue, but something else. I would just try to completly ignore any negative coments he makes about you. I've found that when you ignore negative comments, they stop or at least decrease in frequency. If you act like they don't bother you maybe he will feel like he doesn't have a reason to say them anymore. It sucks that you are in a position to have to deal with it at all, but if you feel saying something won't make a difference maybe this is something to try? Sorry & good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

K.I.

answers from Los Angeles on

I am gonna play devil's advocate here...you only listed this one example of him being critical so maybe, in this instance he is just being honest with you? Do you always clear your throat? All the time? If it is something you do do maybe he is trying to honestly get you to stop so people do not think you are weird?

~My hubby has a habit of picking his right index finger, he picks the nail completely off...I always call him on it when he does it, i know it is a stress thing for him and I am trying to help him...most times he doesn't stop till it's bleeding and he needs a band-aid :(

If he is just critical or nit-picky about lots of other things too...then yep, he will probably always be like this unless you have a real heart-to-heart and let him know he is hurting your feelings.

1 mom found this helpful

D.S.

answers from Allentown on

Hi, C.:

Ask him? D.

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M.E.

answers from Norfolk on

I don't see anything wrong with it. It's just clearing your throat. Now, if he wanted to complain, ask him how'd he like to see my husband chewing his fingernails off and then crunching on them like it's a meal! THAT'S something to complain about. It's so disgusting and I HATE the sound of him chewing on the nail in his mouth...don't ask me where it goes when you don't hear it anymore. Unfortunately he doesn't get kissed often...I'm afraid of those lips.

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T.H.

answers from Kansas City on

Have you talked to him about it? I know that sometimes I get into this really nit-picky habit with my husband and usually it's because I'm upset about something bigger but I don't want to talk about so I criticize stupid stuff. Sometimes I don't even realize I'm doing it and I have to focus on the bigger issue. This is one of my bad habits that I'm trying to break, so maybe just bring it up your husband and ask what's going on with it.

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D.W.

answers from Philadelphia on

I would say dont clear your throat when you talk to him and if he complains,say well you told me I should me i should not do that it is a bad habit. Remember,criticizing goes both ways. Make sure you are not critcizing him. I think we all nit pick about certain things when we are with someone for a long time. My husband,will always tell me when we get in a disagreement,you are always right and never admit when you are wrong. I tell him that is not true. I do admit when I am wrong. It is something that he says when we get into a disagreement.may be when things are calm then tell him nicely,how you feel. I agree it can be very disheartening after awhile when we feel picked on. Good luck

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A.B.

answers from New York on

Since he is so critical. I would say "honey your right I do everything wrong from cooking to not picking a supportive wonderful spouse, how do you think I can fix this?" IMHO

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