Is Anyone Else's Husband like This?

My husband is running out the door to go to the gym the minute I get home from work. When he gets home it's feed the baby, showers and baths for all of us, play with baby, then I cook dinner, needless to say I don't get one hug or kiss out of this daily routine. ENJOY IT!!!

what's with all the people telling her to "get over it". It isn't her fault your husbands don't give you enough attention. It is a legitimate issue! It took me a while after becoming a SAHM to realize I was having the same issue. we always talk about over stimulation with our children, but never address the issue with ourselves. Yes, husband has working all day to bring home the bacon, but you just saved your family $600 a month(depending on child care costs staying home with a child(ren). and at least he is communicating with adults that understand the words coming out of his mouth when he speaks to them. Unlike toddlers, who look at you like you're crazy!! (can you tell I am crrently experiencing over stimulation? and my husband is deployed so I don't even have him home to bug me!! but he still calls and wants me to have these in depth convos while the baby is screaming or i'm trying to get dinner! anyways, i have found that weekly, and more often of you can fit it in, time to youself, outside of your home, is a great help. My husband has gotten a lot better at realizing when i need a break and that everyone's life is easier when mommy isn't over stimulated! so take some time for yourself. at least several hours once a week! good luck! and don't let those other people make you feel bad!

EITHER extreme is annoying as all get out... because neither give a tired mum even a 20 minute break (whether hubby gloms on so you have one MORE person demanding your attention, or checks out leaving you with the kids after working with the kids for 12 hours).

Can you 2 work it into your schedule that hubby takes your son for 30 minutes right when he gets home so you can get some alone time? Read a book, take a bath, go for a walk, hit the gym... whatever it is that is restful/recharging for you? Every other job on the planet gets scheduled breaks... especially once naptimes are gone... sahp's are working 12-16 hour shifts with no break.

My first reaction is to tell you to consider yourself lucky! He chooses YOU to love. I honestly want to know your secret! My hubby (while he does love me) sits in front of the TV all night and would rather not talk or touch at all. I know it can be too much, but TRUST me, you would rather have this than the alternative.

Maybe you can do something to keep him occupied? Maybe he feels a lack of attention/affection from you and is needy in return? Could you "substitute" your two year old for yourself for a while? He can love and hug on him for a while. I highly recommend taking a day (or at least a few hours) once a month or so and getting a pedicure or massage or something that makes you feel special. And do it ALONE =)

I would refrain from telling him to go away.....you may regret it later.

Good luck and blessings to your family......

Yes my husband is the same way and I definitely remember that particular timing with a little one ON you all day, followed by hubby. I felt smothered. I eventually came to the realization that my physical needs were being met during the day by a little cling-on one always in my physical space and Dad was not getting his quota. I remember now making every effort to include my husband in evening bonding time with the kids, i.e. bath, book, rocking, and over time those activities helped fill up his need of me. Now the kids cuddle with him a lot and that transition is just that - a transition....

it seems as if the grass is always greener on the other side...I get zero affection from my SO of 10 plus years...he spends all of his free time playing worlds of warcraft and will put head phones on and listen to podcasts...I have to beg for time and attention...you are so fortunate, I envy you...please look at it as a blessing and maybe you could ask your hubby to give you some down time, can he take jr out to play, for a walk, let you freshen up?

Lucky you to have a hubby that adores you and wants to spend time with his wife
Enjoy !

I call that being "touched out"... it happened to me all the time, especially when the kids were babies and I was nursing. I feel bad because sometimes I don't feel like being mauled by my 5 year old either. I think, as Mom's, it's something we do have to adjust to, I try my best to just "grin and bear it" especially when it is my kids all over me... but my husband has a few "rules"... He knows that I need a break before I can be cuddly. I need at least a 1/2 hour after the kids go to bed to myself so I can come down from my day. And, at night, after we are in bed, when we are ready to sleep - he has to stay on his own side of the bed. This is critical for me ;) I can't sleep next to him. It's too much for me, after being touched all day.

Think of some things that you could establish as time for yourself. Tell your husband how you are feeling. Mine was much more understanding than I could have predicted.

Good luck!

Would you rather he come home and sit in front of the TV all night as though you were not there. be greatful sweetie that your husband does not come home to tired for you, if your 2 year old is hanging all over you all day it;s because you let him, teach him some independance so he can play on his won sometimes. If your husband can work all day and have energy for you, you should be able to do the same for him, heck i had 3 little ones and still was not to tired for my husband, the day my husband comes home and doesn't want to be all over me, then i will complain and I've been married 29 years.J.

YEP... a woman is all "touched out" (as the previous poster said), by EVERYTHING she is doing all darn day. THEN needy Husband comes home... and that is like having another child, in your midst.
No, you are not the only one.... with a Husband like this.

As Riley said too, either extreme... is irritating.
As my Husband can be... too. UGH!

Then... when they are like this, at least in my case... it leaves me with NO TIME at all... for myself... at all.... ever. Because if I am not minding the kids or the house or the daily schedule and his too... then I am minding HIM. Then he tells me WHY am I so "tired"... when I am home all day???

Yes, I like for my Husband to get away... sometimes. Which he does do his own 'manly' activities too. So good. And when he takes the kids out... that is MY time... A.L.O.N.E. And it is a GREAT respite... for me. Which I get, once in awhile.

NO.. you are not alone.... toggling it all... is not easy...

Oh and by the way... the "Mom" rarely gets HER needs met.
At least not mine!
I tried explaining that to my Husband... but well, I don't know if he gets it.

all the best,
Susan

smile at least you know he loves you no matter how aggrivating it is

Talk to your husband. Really, no one can tell you what will work for your marriage but you and he. My husband and I have had this talk and we're very happily married. It's all in how you approach it. Explain to him how your day goes and your need for some personal space when he gets home or after your son goes to bed. My advice/experience::

I explained to my husband I need some time after the kids go to bed to NOT have someone hanging all over me. I am home with three kids and rarely get a change to use the bathroom without someone or something following me (even my DOGS follow me!)... so personal space is a rare and lovely treat.

Also, make sure you're taking time for you when your son naps. Sit down, relax, go take a shower or a bath. Don't expect your husband to make all of the changes. Put time in for you in other places. Enforce a bedtime and naptime. Those breaks are important. Consider taking walks - push your son in the stroller, join the YMCA (many have daycare options) and take a Yoga class. There are ways without having your husband change that you can get cling-free time.

Make sure you're physically affectionate with your husband. My husband and I are intimate OFTEN. (Usually at least 3-5x's a week) It keeps us both sane and happy. If I stay up later then him I will "wake him up" in a way that he loves. Physical affection helps keep that spark. I will swear to you that physical affection helps lower our stress, it keeps our bond strong, it reminds us that we're much more then "just" parents.

Good luck :)

You need to stop looking at your loving grown up man as a clingy child. It is your attitude towards him that needs adjustment, and than things will feel different. Look at him as the man who just busted his butt all day so that you could stay home with your child, and who just wants a little love and appreciation. If you need some time to yourself to unwind, than ask him if, after he gets a few minutes to unwind, he could play/bond with the child. That way you can unwind, cook dinner in peace, and be ready to spend quality time with the man you love.

YES. I used to feel that way with my husband too. It wasn't that we had different languages or anything... it was just that I wast "touched out" by the end of the day after spending 14 hours with a "touchy" toddler! It is a phase that will get better. Try to explain to your husband that your body is literally "touched out" and needs some non-touch time to recoup. Maybe if he could give you 45 minutes when he first gets home that he takes over with your little boy. That way both he and your son can burn up some nerve endings, and yours can catch a break.

It was weird for us when I went through that phase, because my hubby isn't normally an over-touchy guy. But for some weird reason, it seemed like he was trying to regain closeness by being touchy/clingy around the same age that our son was using up all my skin sensors. Maybe it has something to do with the Dad's feeling like you have become a "mommy" more... I don't really know. But I was right where you are. You aren't alone. But it does get better.

My kids are 9 and 12 now, and I am no longer "touched out". :))

i just read that Five love Languages book, so it's on my mind that maybe that is how your husband gives love and feels valued. Do you know your love language and what would make you feel happy? maybe knowing that would help you to ask him for it, and then you could both compromise.

I have to say though, that yes, either extreme (clinging or checking out) is Not good and is super annoying. I actually would have a harder time accepting the cling than the check out. I like my personal space. But tell me i'm a good mom and a good wife and pat me on the head and I am high for a week!

Just remember your little ones will be growing up quickly and life will change, so value your time with them, and value the fact that hubby will still be there for you when the little chicks are learning to fly from the nest.

He just wants reassurance plus he probably is thinking it's making you feel good for him to hang on you..... maybe you should tell him exactly how you are feeling about it. They are like that, mine was too. But you are doing the right thing by not making him feel like he's a pain, I know it's hard. Tell him to cling to your boy for a little while so you can go soak in the tub.

I just love this question. My six year old wants to love on me and hugs me all the time. I know it is SO important for his psychological growth. My mother was never one to hug and love on me and I missed this so much! I just tell him to hug me around the waist and don't hang on me. We set aside special "hugs and kisses" time. He gets to set on my lap when we watch a movie as long as he is still. Maybe you can set aside some time for your husband. You should feel very lucky that he wants to love and hug on you and not the remote. Maybe on the days that he has off you can do some special family things. Devote a lot of time and effort into making your family great!!

I can relate. After a day of being needed none stop sometimes you don't want to be needed anymore. "Touched out" is the perfect way to describe it.

Maybe what you need is an hour after your husband comes home all to yourself. Or maybe just 20 minutes. That might be all it takes to refresh and be able to focus your attention on your marriage again.

It's tough being a SAHM with a 2.5 year old son. I'm there too.