Is 4 Yr Old Stubborn, Rebelling or Typical Behaviour?

All the answers were great so I will not go into detail - just wanted to say that he sounds just like my 4 year old :)

It's possible he sees no point in drilling repeatedly on material he's already knows. I remember feeling pretty annoyed in first grade at patronizing adults talking to me like I was a baby, trying to coax responses out of me that were clearly (to me) so painfully obvious they weren't worth my time and attention. If a first-grader can feel so strongly, I'm pretty sure a pre-K child could have similar reactions.

Bribing to get compliance is not often a good idea. If you can think of a fun approach, as Marda suggests, it might help. For example, you might write the words on cards, two of each, and play Go Fish. To get the point, each player has to say the word out loud. Or take turns turning up cards, and the first person to shout the word correctly gets a point. Or draw squares in a path on butcher paper with one of the words in each square, roll a die and move a button, and call out the word you land on. Or place word stickers on the tile grid on the kitchen floor, and "race" from one end to the other, calling out each word on the way.

Alternately, treat your son with frank, grown-up honesty, as in "You know, I have to make sure you know the words. I think you do, but let's go through them once so we can both be sure, okay? Then we'll be done with it, and you can go do ______."

There are some respected educators who seriously question the value of homework in younger grades. And there are respected schools that assign no homework and still get outstanding results from their students. Educator Alfie Kohn has a great deal to say about this: www.alfiekohn.org/articles.htm

Four years old can be early for teaching reading, and there is no information that 'sight' learning is more helpful at all. In fact, many of us who work with youngers (pre-K or younger) favor phonics teaching and then whole language teaching.

I would drop the rewards. If he does know the words, then he is possibly doing this for attention, or he's getting some good guesses which make us think he knows the words, but may not know them proficiently. If he doesn't, having a reward may be prompting some good guesses, but raises the stakes.

I would also not reward learning; learning IS, in my opinion, its own reward. Notice when he offers information (points at a stop sign and tells you "That says stop", etc.), and then acknowledge it in a low-key way. In this way, there is less pressure to please you, because you want him to read for his own pleasure, not yours.)

Please remember that PLENTY of children do not read until they are seven, and there is nothing wrong with them. Some children just have different learning styles. My sister realized that her son simply couldn't read unless he was moving; all other attempts had demoralized him until she found a round ottoman he could roll back and forth on-- that's how he learned to read. Kinetic learners run in my family. Each child develops in their own time, at their own rate. Flash cards (in both my opinion and in practice) are rarely 'fun' to kids, but an exhausting chore. Can you imagine us, as adults, wanting to learn a new language and having whole words in that unfamiliar language flashed at us? :) We'd be frustrated very quickly.

This doesn't mean, by any means, that your son doesn't have some competency, it's just that these are obviously not ways of engaging him that work for HIM. Reading to children is by far and away one of the best ways to stimulate their curiosity and interest in reading. Some children need fine-motor activities to do with their hands while I read (modeling wax, playdough). My advice would be to put away some of the more traditional teaching tools for now, other than very simple, fun games (no rewards, remember!) and focus on doing a lot of reading, especially on topics he's interested in. I've seen kids who were three y.o. recognizing whole words and also have family members who struggled through 'standard' teaching of reading, until they were able to 'get it' on their own.

For what it's worth, my own son is still learning letter symbol recognition, but he can tell you which sounds many letters make verbally. ("P makes a 'puh' sound.") He's four, and slowly putting it together. When we work with pattern blocks, I make letter shapes and show them to him. When we are out and waiting in line, I sometimes point out different letters, but mostly we talk about the sounds they make. When I was a kid, I don't remember reading whole words easily until probably second grade and I'm a ferocious reader now. We currently have an educational system that does not honor the natural development of the child, and is pushing mastery to earlier and earlier ages in the hopes that it will result in an accomplished graduate. The brain learns things in its own time, not in some man-made construct. I write this because I have seen No Child Left Behind and Race to the Top do parents a disservice by making them worry that their kids aren't 'up to par'. So often, the kids are fine, it's the curriculum that might be introducing too much, too soon. And the kids who don't succeed at those earliest ages are done the worst disservice of all, because they can rapidly loose interest in tasks that are beyond their abilities when they are forced. It's demoralizing for them.

You are a good parent to want your son to succeed and to be concerned. So try to relax, let go of the formality, and just play with letters and words as best you can. (Even taking letters out of an an alphabet puzzle and making them 'cookies'--you can talk about which letters you are 'eating'... this is more fun and engaging for many younger kids and the focus is on his play, not on his ability to access knowledge.) Let him show you how he can become interested in learning about letters and words in his world and take it from there. :)

ps: sorry this is so long, but as a preschool teacher, I'm very concerned about the future of education for all children.

He is 4.
4 is a hard age.
Per learning, they are not like a 7 year old.
Drills and staring at things, don't go over real well, with 4 year olds.
Learning, has to be fun... and taught via "play" and interaction and rhyming and singing.

Also, a child this age, you need to also accompany them, while doing "homework" etc. They will not just sit there for even 1/2 hour, on their own... and do it.
It takes, being there too, and encouraging him.

My son is 5 now. But he will, while playing.... just repeat in rhymes, what he has learned in class. It is fun, for him. I don't push or drill him. It is fun. And we make it a part of conversation. Even if it is only for 10 minutes.

Kids this age, are, fickle.
They are young.
Punishments... will only make him hate, 'studying.'

Ask him, 'why' he gives incorrect answers, even if he knows the correct answer. See what he says.

I don't know - I still think 4 is kind of young for this level of learning. If they can start learning words, great, but it just seems too young to expect it.

When we went to Kindergarten (I know, I know, a billion years ago), we barely knew any of this stuff. Now kids are expected to know it in pre-K, when it seems like playing and socialization should be the primary goals.

I would say my son is on the exact same level as yours and he will turn 5 next week. He just learned how to write a "B" and I was thrilled. He is thriving in his Pre-K program. Your son doesn't sound "behind" to me at all.

i have similar thoughts to what the other ladies are saying. first, 4 is early for this kind of drilling. it may have been fun the first couple times and now he's over it. my son was early on a lot of things, walking and talking, and we would "run him through his paces" for family and eventually he just started saying, "i don't know!" to our questions. i took the hint. if he has done them before and now refuses, most likely he's just over it. i wouldn't bribe him to do it. that sets a bad precedent for the rest of his school days. he's already changing his "demands" on you each time. so are you going to keep upping the ante for the next 14 years? i don't think so! let his teachers handle the attitude, they will time him out or whatever form of discipline they use, but i would lay off a bit at home. when the stakes are higher and he has more homework as he gets older, then he will need more of your guidance and support at night. but right now, he's 4, and learning, like someone else said, should be fun, or at this age, there's no point.

I suggest that at 4 your son is not ready for intense learning. I also suggest that if you can approach such quizzes in a fun way that might help. Do you gently tease him when you know he knows the right answer. That is one way to insert some fun. "Oh, I know you know that number," with a chuckle. "Let's try this one. I bet you don't know this one."

Quickly go thru the list and then let it go is another way to handle this. Definitely do not focus on the answers. Just let him know you know he knows the answer and go on to the next one. This will help if he's bored.

I suggest that he's playing with you which may indicate boredom. He's mixing it up to make it more interesting. So, you make it more interesting.

I suggest he's normal and the less attention you pay to it the quicker he'll stop the game.

I would not drill this kind of stuff. He is not interested. It is ridiculous for kids at this age to memorize a bunch of words.

4 year olds need to learn through play.

I would just spend my time reading to him and letting him "read" to you. Go to the library and let him pick out a few books that you can read together.

My son loves being read too and eventually he decided that he wanted to learn to read. We started off with the hooked on phonics books and we worked on blending the sounds together. It seemed over night it just clicked and he was reading 3 letter words and now that he is almost 6 he is reading chapters at a time. I also spent a lot of time during the time he showed an interest in reading writing him little notes that he could sound out. He loved getting notes from me and I know it just made him want to read that much more so he could read my notes.

Do not bribe him and do not push him to read. He will get it eventually. Most 4 year olds who are not reading are reading by 7. At 7 most 7 year olds have reading comprehension skills to actually understand what they have read. Most 4 year olds do not have this skill.

We flip it around with our son. "oh you dont know the answer". Its kept light but slightly silly like oh you cant do that your not old enough. Never rude or harsh. Mamapedia needs a voice recording option so you can hear exactly how it sounds. Anyway it usually makes him quickly reach out to us and give the correct answer. followed by lots of praise and oh you do know the answer!!!

At 3 my daughter writes her name and a few small words, now shes 4 and she started the sight learning as well with flash cards, my husband started to work on math with her using blocks and cards. She does this behavior as well with her blocks. She wants to learn words much more and will focus with this, she refuses to look or listen to the block exercises, She will if there is reward, but like your son it fluxs each day as to what will motivate her. I think its attention span and just normal 4 year old behavior. They are forming there likes and dis-likes and like me I HATE math lol so she is my daughter.... though I think my husband wants the next Eisenstein in the house.

I agree with what Peg and Marda have advised, and as I was a bored child myself I have to say he's playing you. I think it might be beneficial to give him more challenging work and move past what he knows. I am curious and confused as to why you are bribing and rewarding him to learn, though. I thought learning was or IS the reward.

Four year olds can be compliant one minute and rebels the next it is not uncommon. I find the more I try to push my son to do something, the more he holds back. Kids this age need to learn through play and exploration. My son is in pre-k too, and I leave the academics to his teacher. I talk and read with my son and if he asks how to spell something so he can write it out, or wants to know what something says I encourage his learning that way, not by doing drills with him. To be honest I primarily send my send my son to pre-k for the socialization because he knows everything else, when he brings stuff up like words that rhyme I make that a teaching moment and we will go on a tangent until he doesn't want to rhyme anymore. Or if he asks what a word starts with I will ask him to guess, I may even help him sound the first letter out...I think they inadvertently learn by teaching them this way instead of directly. Also, I bought a Leap Frog Tag for him this christmas to encourage learning sight words without making it "seem" like I am making him learn :)

Take him out of this school. It will ruin his natural desire to learn and is very inappropriate. Four year olds should not be made to do flash cards of sight words. Four year olds should be read to and just given a chance to learn to love stories and literature and nursery rhymes. What is the purpose for this, except to frustrate and irritate them?
This is an ego trip for the parents who can then say their 4 yr old can read. Who cares if by the time they are 6 and in first grade they hate school and everything about reading and have been bribed and punished?
It is awful. Let the kid play and read him books about things he likes and he will learn to read when he needs too. I have taught first grade for 15 yrs and am getting my doctorate in Reading education and the hardest thing is to develop a love of reading after children have been screwed up.

You need to strike a balance. Don't bribe, but keep it fun, dont' be excessive with the drills and ALSO, enforce that it is rude to refuse to answer. All that. It's rebellious AND normal. I've had to warn my daughter (now 5) a few times sternly when she is stubborn at piano or homework. She knows I'm serious so she doesn't push it. Likewise, I know her limits and keep it positive. I give her genuine praise constantly, But I have never enticed her with rewards, unless it was the occasional, "OK, if you're surly, you'll have to play it again, but if you brighten up, you'll be done" type thing. Said with a matter of fact tone, not a harsh one. Sounds like you need a way to enforce discipline as well as increase positivity around the situation.

If the ONLY thing kids have to do is gain a reward, they often won't care if they feel like not complying more strongly than earning a reward. But they will want to avoid a consequence. This is temporary until their own work ethic clicks. 4 is still the age where you have to "force" it. It's the same for adults really. No one praises you for NOT parking in the handicapped space, but you will get nailed with a hefty fine if you do it.