Hi moms, it was a BREEZE for me, so EASY, my son's 1st, 2nd and 3rd year, around the time he hit 3 1/2...things just got so much harder....pls tell me it gets easier later. My son is very stubborn, full of energy and purposely ignores or block you out when you ask him to do something (I always ask nicely the first five times then I yell when I really shouldn't but how else can I get him to listen--that he listens to) He was diagnosed with very very mild autism, he's in the top of his class (very smart academically) he has great speech and above average with motor skills and his fine motor sklls, he is a very bright boy who even write stories already (well he recites them and I write it for him andhe likes to hear it back as if he composed it) but compliance or lack of it and the high energy is driving me nuts, he recently started putting things in his mouth and nose and he never even did that as a baby so I have to watch him 24/7 it seems to make sure he is safe. Help!
I think different kids are difficult at different ages. I didn't find 3.5-4 that hard with my daughter, but I did find 2-3 a nightmare. She stopped listening, exerted so much independence, yet lacked a lot of the necessary skills.
Thus far my 2 year old son hasn't been too difficult, so maybe he will be impossible at 3.
I'm curious as to who diagnosed him with very very mild autism...It doesn't seem like a valid diagnosis given what you've described. I think that each age is hard. I'm not sure parenting ever gets easier. I think we just get better at it.
"The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself." www.themommypsychologist.com
Every child has easy phases and more difficult phases. All I can say is - if you don't want to yell, then don't yell. I ask my 5 year old to do something a max of 3 times (and I make it clear by saying - this is the 2nd time I've asked you to do X, please do it now; and then, this is the last time I am going to ask you to do X, if you don't do it now, you will have XXX consequence). And if it's not done after the 3rd request, he gets the consequence. As long as I'm very very consistent, I rarely get to the 3rd request. I have a friend with a child on the spectrum, and she does the same thing except she goes to the extra level of standing directly in front of her child, looking him right in the eye and making him acknowledge the request, since her child gets so focused on things that he really doesn't hear her sometimes.
Also, with nicer weather here this week, hopefully you can work on the energy level a bit by getting outside for at least an hour every day to run and play. That helps everyone around my house a LOT.
No, 3-4 has been wonderful for us. My son can get a little annoying with how much he says "Mommy! ..." but overall he is a great listener. Age 2-3 was hardest but each child is different and each child goes through their difficult phases. If he has high functioning Autism, have you asked his therapists what would work with him? Consistency is the key to every child. You should not have to ask 5 times. Yelling should be reserved to safety situations like "Watch out for that oncoming car!" not "Get your shoes on right now!". Sounds like you were spoiled a bit for the first 3 years! This actually might be a good thing that he is exerting independence giving his diagnosis. I would make sure your expectations are age appropriate and pick your battles. My son is super slow with getting himself dressed so I don't make it an issue. I help him. On the other hand, I follow through on requests to clean up his toys and help me with chores. What I do is I ask him to "Help me" rather than tell him to do it. He enjoys and takes pride in helping. I also give him choices and tell him the consequences in advance of not making a choice. Like if he wants to watch t.v. and it's bed time, I will say "It's too late for t.v. Let's get ready for bed so I can read you any 2 stories you want". Then if he protests (like he did last night) I tell him that he is wasting time and now it's only one story. He gets the idea pretty quickly and I think your son will too.
I think it depends on the child. I have two boys -no special needs, but with the first, he went "nuts" around 2 1/2 and was a nightmare for the most part until around 5. It's not that we never enjoyed him or had good times, but he was extraordinarily difficult during those years. He's awesome now! He just turned 6 and the last year has been amazing! It's not like he's perfect all the time, but his bad behavior seems far more in the "normal" range.
My youngest is 3 1/2. He was excellent until after he turned 3. Now he exhibits a lot like his older brother did -what you would call classic "terrible two" symptoms with lots of whining, tantrums and whatnot. We reallly don't "allow" that behavior, but he's quite resistant and hell-bent on giving it a try, no matter what. He's a lot more laid-back than his brother, so I'm hoping his wears off faster!
I only had girls. For me, 4-5 years on was easy. Then about 10-11ish it gets a little tough. I remember age 3 being harder than 2. No one warned me about that. I thought when the "terrible twos " were over it was ok. HA!
I can't give you much perspective, because my son is only 3.5 right now. I did, however, want to commiserate and share a couple of techniques that seem to be working for us. After years of happy compliance, he's started not listening when I ask him to do things, leading to my frustration. Yelling got me no where - I think it undermined my authority when I had to resort to it. I recently switched my approach - if he doesn't listen the first time, I go over, move him away from what he is doing (even just a step), kneel down, look him in the eye, and explain to him that he needs to do what I asked. Sometimes, I have to add that he will get a consequence if he doesn't do what's been asked, but often I find that simply getting his full attention when making the request works (at least for the past few weeks - we'll see how long it keeps up). If I threaten a consequence, I have to follow through (which sucks), but it leads to results. Time-outs don't really work for my son - the consequence has to be meaningful to him in order to be effective (loss of a favorite toy for the afternoon, for example). As for putting things in his mouth/nose, how about removing all toys listed as unsafe for kids under 3, and explain that he'll get them back when he's learned to stop putting them in his mouth/nose? If he's stuck with only baby toys, maybe he'll be incentivised to change his behavior.
with all 5 of mine I had no problem when they were 2... they were a breeze!! I never had to deal with the terrible 2's! But shortly after 3 until a little after 4 holy cow! It like BAM!!! The tantrums, the fighting, the whining the testing the limits... I could not wait until they turned 4 and they learned where the boundaries were at and stopped testing everything.
Im pretty sure with all of them, they had the most time outs from 3-4. A little after 4 they were just as sweet as they were when they were 2.
Yes it does get easier as long as you stick to your guns and keep everything consistent. They are at an age where they are more independent for the first time in their young lives and they test it. Soon enough he will out grow it and you will have your sweet little boy back... atleast I keep reminding myself of that every day with my daughter who is 3 1/2 right now and we are dealing with the same thing :)
I have no experience on autism. I will tell you my experiences with my 4 children.
1) Yes 3.5-5 was much more challenging for me
2) consistency is key for all ages. So when you say you ask 5 times, that wouldn't fly in my home and my kids know it
My son was a nightmare at 3 but improved a LOT starting at 4 or 4.5. 5 was so much better than 3 and 4. Hang in there--it will get better! You can try getting his attention first before giving directions but that may not help in every situation.
Huh - For us age 6 months - 1 were difficult and ages 1 -3 were an absolute nightmare. As he approached his 4th birthday things got considerably better, though he's still "spirited."
It seems most kids go through a phase where they find their independence and really test mom and dad, but it varies from child to child when it happens.
My daughter was ok during her twos. It was around 3 and 5 months that all you know what broke loose! I didn't think I would survive to see her turn 4! It lasted about 3 very long and trying months, and even now she still has her moments, but things are so so so much better! Turning 4 in 2 months, I may see that birthday yet!
I even had her evaluated for ODD, I really thought I had the worst child on the planet! Made me feel like a failure of a mother, and now, it's becoming a distant memory, and I am grateful everyday for the change...
God, I hope not! My son is almost 2 and I'm hoping what we're experiencing is about the hardest/worst it gets! :p
Just curious if you've tried any of the diets suh as the GAPS diet? Food plays a huge role in behavior. HTH
My son has always been firmly disciplined for normal terrible two type stuff and was awesome at three. He's still very awesome, but he just turned four and has normal new tough older kid behaviors. Discipline is still key though and works wonders. He's sweet with a clear knowledge of right and wrong, knows he can't talk back, be disrespectful, ignore us or melt down and all that. He behaves well in piano, Tae Kwon Do and French classes and plays hard and rough with other boys. Does he push boundaries? Of course! But now is when we're seeing the early discipline pay off. He's way better than some other four year-olds we know. I have several friends with your struggles-their kids really kicked everything up ten notches after three, and they were easy at two. My son was very tough at two, but we handled it. This book is a great guide even if your child has Autism, you'll know what's right for him or not. Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson.
Oh yeah, and try not to yell. Not that it will permanently damage him or anything, but he'll really learn he doesn't need to comply until you're yelling (sounds like he's already sort of in that habit). Effective discipline prevents yelling. My son knows when I come over to him and give him a quiet second warning-the jig is up.
