Involvement in School Activities

Why not ask for their help - assign them a job. I'm sure they think you have everything under control and don't need them, which is why they don't "pitch-in".

Most of the parents do want to help, but those of you who are now doing all the work should be sure you're not just seeing what needs to be done and doing it yourselves without explicitly delegating to others. If you are the person with authority to direct others at the event, walk right up to them with a big smile and saying, "Hi, glad you're here! We need O. of you to get the tables prepared, the tablecloths are right there, and another of you can start bringing in those boxes of food and stacking them over here." Some people just do need specific instruction. They can't really stand around chatting when you've just pointed out a very specific task and said, "Please do X."

A possibility to consider: Volunteer to run an event, then use an online sign-up site. There are a couple. They allow you to create a list of every task to be done and every item to be donated, and then people can go online to sign up for specific tasks and items. It might create less of that "I've just walked in the door, uh, what do you need?" that can lead to folks standing around when the day of the event arrives.

I am not a total fan of these sites since they do mean you must reach out to everyone in, say, a class, or the whole school, via e-mail to alert them that the site is there and the list for the event is open as of date X. You really do want to ensure everyone knows of the existence of the event and the sign -up list, so no parent says to you on the day of the event, "I had no idea this was happening" or "I wanted to help but no O. ever told me how." If your school's culture is O. where many or most parents do get e-mail contact from the school about events,, this works OK; but if your school and PTA tend to communicate on paper with parents, this may be less successful and some parents may feel left out. Just my two cents on the use of online sign-up. It's great in concept and sometimes in execution but parents who are not regular users of e-mail for school purposes will feel cut out of the loop.

I've seen that at a few functions here but not specifically those sponsored by our PTA. It's so strange how that happens and a few Moms are left to deal with the work and supervising the kids (if it's an event where kids are involved). I've also noticed some people (and I've been O. of them at times) aren't naturals at coming in, seeing what needs to be done and doing it. They have to be told exactly what to do. I think some of this has to do with how comfortable they feel in the situation or really know what needs to be done for the event.

You obviously have a "take-charge" personality, which is great. You are productive, helpful, efficient, and reliable. Good for you! These yakkers are the opposite of you - must be told what to do - they will never have a real paying job in which people report to them - you would be their boss! I agree - they shoudn't offer to help - they should just go to Starbucks instead. Are they young moms, maybe in their 20's? (no offense if you are in your 20's! You are very mature). I guess just ignore them and I'm sure other people will notice them making asses out of themselves!

I understand your frustration! Is there someone in charge who could assign jobs? If not, are you someone willing to step into that role, if only to make it more fair to those working? I sometimes do that b/c I don't like seeing lazy volunteers. A future option is to ask before the event - 'who is in charge? Who is directing everyone?' Put some onus on the requester to understand the dynamic and acknowledge that there needs to be some direction. And you shouldn't feel bad if you say "You know, I've noticed at a number of these events that the work seems to be falling on few people. Can we work together to figure out how to make it more successful" etc. etc. Obviously it depends on your comfort level, but you might feel better if you raise the issue or at least manage it. Good luck!!!

If it was an activity that involved help, like not just sponsoring a dance or something, I would be peeved too. When my daughter is in school I want to be apart of the PTA and help out and volunteer but it would get under my skin if I was taking time away from my home life and it was social hour. It's okay to joke around but when it's that whole time that's a different thing.

Maybe the only time they talk to each other is there... not an excuse but maybe that's the deal.

Yep-this definitely happens at our school as well. However it is not just a school thing-I think it is everywhere. When I used to have birthday parties for my sons where the parents would have to stay, all the moms did was gab while I frantically tried to get all the kids situated with food, cake, games etc. Maybe O. or two would ever help out. Also at our cub scout meetings-it is always the O. running the mtg that does all the work. The other parents all just sit around and talk. A couple of weeks ago it was my turn for crafts and I was so stressed trying to get 10 little boys on the same page and ended up having to assist each and every O.-O. at a time-while the other parents just looked on. I am thinking 'help me out here people!' But no, not O. person jumped in.

Wow. I wish I had a video of a policeman confronting a group of gabby moms from our school. "Excuse me, but are you really here to help or are you just going to stand over there talking?" It was hilarious to see their faces. They always do this, then try to swoop in and manage those of us actually working. Some teachers don't want their help anymore.

I've never been a member of the PTO at any of the many schools that my 5 kids have attended over the years. I have helped with things and have seen many in action and yes, there are some that are like what you described. I've seen some instances where where the few that work say nothing and do the work. I've also seen instances where the few that did the work came right out and said to either get up off their butts and help or go home. Then I've seen the instances where they went in the middle and just nicely handed out jobs with a smile, "You two can please put up that banner. The hammer and stools are over there." That seemed to be the best route to go, to just hand out jobs to be sure everyone is pitching in.

I'm lucky that the new school that my triplets go to are very hands on. I've not seen a school like it! EVERYONE attends the functions. TONS of parents volunteer, even a lot of dads! It's pretty neat.

I suggest saying something and handing out jobs to those standing around.

K. B
mom to 5 including triplets