We're having a birthday party for our 7 year old daughter at a non-home location. The way the pricing goes is 1-10 kids is one price and 11-20 kids is another price, not just a price per kid. We planned to keep it at 10. DD has one good friend in our neighborhood and the rest of the girls are school friends. However a couple months ago we had new neighbors move in with a daughter similar age, but DD doesn't really enjoy her company. They played together a good amount at first but after a few weeks DD didn't want to play with her too much anymore. I know she'll probably find out about DD's party through the neighbor friend that DD does want to invite. I do feel bad, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but I also feel like this is DDs party and she should have there who she wants. Thoughts? This may sound bad but we're moving next summer so it's not like we'll be living in this neighborhood indefinitely.
G.
I personally wouldn't invite anyone to a party that my child doesn't want to spend time with.
it has nothing to do with living in the neighborhood - but if my child doesn't enjoy the other child's company - what would be the reason for inviting her?
I'm a firm believer in inviting those you want to invite, to parties or to holidays or to the beach. I'm firmly opposed to the "invite the whole class" pressure for parties, although I do think that those who invite the whole class or the whole neighborhood except for one are making a bigger mistake.
Kids need to learn to choose, whether it's friends or activities or how to spend their allowance. Kids need to be disappointed occasionally and learn that they can survive. Not everyone gets an invitation, not everyone gets a trophy, not everyone gets chosen for the team/chorus/play. It's actually worse to get invited because someone thought you couldn't handle it, right?
If your daughter doesn't particularly care for this girl, one might assume that the other girl doesn't particularly care for your daughter.
The fact that you are moving is irrelevant, in my mind.
Please don't feel bad. People (yes even children) should only invite people to their parties that they actually like and are friends with. I always taught my children that they will not be invited to every single party, just as I hope other parents have taught their kids the same. Yes sometimes a child feels slighted or feelings are hurt but they get over it. It's a part of life.
You invite your daughters friends to her party.
Everyone learns eventually that not everyone is invited to every party.
Don't worry about the neighbor.
If your party quantity and price are set at ten, then leave it at that. Don’t feel guilty. No reason to go over the count for 1 child your daughter doesn’t even like or wouldn’t even care if is there or not.
What you could do is if you have last minute cancelations and no shows, is to invite the Nieghboor girl. You have already paid for 10.
Your daughter can invite the friends she wants to. That's fine. I would just discourage her from mentioning it in front of the girl.
The only time I ever heard my child get upset was once, because a good neighbor friend (who he played with almost every day) kept talking about his birthday party, and how he was inviting my son, and then right before said he couldn't invite him because his mom capped the numbers and my son wasn't included. I nearly called the mom. That was the only time I felt like it. I didn't. I let it go. It wasn't that my son wasn't invited. It was because I don't think kids need to string their friends along like that. We used it as a learning/teaching moment. My son was in 5th grade I think. It was the start to the end of that neighborhood friendship.
There's no need to invite the other girl if your daughter doesn't want her. Your daughter will not be invited to every event either. Unfortunately this is life. Good luck!!
Proceed as planned. That is life, you're not always going to get invited to functions, and you'll just have to learn to deal with it, so better to start learning at a young age. I have good friends who are religious, I am not, so they don't invite me to their religious functions. We see each other practically every weekend or talk to each other on the phone, but they know it might be awkward for me to be in a church. They will send me pictures of things like their confirmation, but not invite me. I am not upset or hurt, I would not invite them to functions where there are people who are vocally against religion because it would be offensive, and they don't invite me to religious functions where I may be preached to or told I am going to hell for not going to church.
Same with music, if I know someone's musical taste varies from mine, I won't invite them to the types of concerts I attend. I also have married friends who have double dates with other married couples, I am single, so I am not expecting to be invited and play the part of the third wheel. They have more sense than to talk about it, or they will briefly mention that they went to some restaurant and loved it, as if to recommend trying that joint, but don't rub it in my face and bring up what a great time they had with the others constantly, as if to make me uncomfortable or resent the fact I am single. Like I said, it is life, not everyone feels comfortable with situations or attendees at a party, and not everyone has the budget to invite more than a small gathering of close friends, as is your case. We all learn to deal with it and get over it. I'm sure the neighbor girl doesn't feel your daughter is her BFF and will start crying over not being invited...
only invite kids with whom your daughter is actually friends.
would you want your daughter invited to a party for someone who didn't like her and just 'didn't want to hurt her feelings'?
i suspect this is more about 'what do we say if they ask us about it?' than what's actually the right thing to do, which is clear.
people are rarely so confrontational as to say 'why didn't you invite my kid?' but if they are a courteous 'we had to limit the guest list so it was only Peonia's closest friends. i'm sorry Dahlia felt left out.'
if they push beyond that they're being frightfully rude and you shouldn't feel badly about avoiding frightfully rude people.
khairete
S.
I wouldn't invite the other girl. If it comes up, tell them that you wish she could have come but you could only invite 10 girls.
I don't think you have to invite her. Tell the mom of the other neighbor girl that you're not inviting her and to please not mention it around them. Hopefully that will help. If someone else ends up not being able to come and you have less than 10 kids, you can always reconsider. But, if your daughter doesn't really like her, then you don't have to invite her even if you do have less than 10 going if she doesn't want her there.
