Introvert

I am a Kindergarten teacher and this is a typical behavior for children of this age. I would just be aware of the situation at his age and try to allow him to participate in activities as he gets older. Socializing in the classroom is a key thing that teachers observe at this age so, he must be very shy at school for his teacher to bring this up to you. My concern would be that if he continues to remain "introverted" talk to him and find out why...there is some reason that he is not comfortable being himself there.

Both of my boys were shy at first at a new school. Try inviting other boys from his class over to play or to go somewhere fun like ChuckECheese (ugh!) or something. If you ask him I'm sure he can give you a name or two of someone he'd like to play with at home (where he won't be as likely to be so intimidated) Seemed to work well for my boys!
J.

When my oldest daughter began kindergarten, she had just turned 5 in August. The school told me she passed the academic part of the test, but they thought she was too shy to start school. I disagreed and sent her anyway. At the end of kindergarten, they wanted to put her in a pre-first class because she was too shy. I disagreed again and put her in first grade. She was able to keep up with the academic part of class, but said her social skills weren't "where they should be". She is 11 1/2 now and in 6th grade. She has consistantly been on the honor roll and her teachers always tell me she's a pleasure to have in class. You know your son the best. Go with your gut. If he is keeping up with the academic part of class, why worry. I hope this helps! Good luck!

My daughter turned 3 the week before she went to preschool. She would have been exactly like your little guy if it weren't for another child with a strong personality that befriended her. They knew each other from a Bible Study group last spring. The two then joined up with another strong personality and have formed a three-some that even the teachers are amazed by their closeness. Our problem comes at church where my daughter's best friend from her nursery days just moved away and my sweet little girl is lost. My advise is to try to hook up with another preschool mom and give the kids a chance to play together outside of preschool. It should help create a desire to play together at perschool. That's what I've done and it seems to help. I think shy kids need a brave buddy to help them make new friends.

My 6 year old daughter sounds exactly like your son. It was painful to see how quiet she was when we went out. She played with her cousins and would be so loud, she was a totally different kid.

Because her birthday was Sept. 1 , we decided to wait until she was turning six to start kindergarden. Educationally, she was ready, but we felt it would help her socially (she would have been the youngest in the class versus the oldest). Wow!! What a difference! She has totally come out of her shell and is blossoming. It took a few months of kindergarden for that to happen but what a difference!

The moral of the story, just give him time. It is good sign that he has friends like his cousins that he's comfortable with and plays well with. Maybe you can find a friend from preschool to invite over for regular play dates so that he will warm up to them. This may help him when he goes to kindergarden, as well. You may be able to request that they be in the same class.

My son is now 5 but he has been attending preschool without me since he was 2 and playing alone was one of the teachers concerns at your son's age. I can tell you now that he has made numerous friends and he initiates play FINALLY in his Pre-k class! It's taken some time but I really feel it is a comfort thing and when the time is right it will happen.

Hi N.! I wouldn't be to worried about your son. . .he is so young and a lot of kids never even start preschool until they are 4 or 5 anyway. My son was the same way when we started him last year. He would always rely on his older sister to start up the conversations or playing but when it came to doing it on his own, he was VERY shy. He is now 4 and he is the leader of the class:)All kids advance at their own pace and he will eventually come around. I do agree with one of the other responses about getting him into more play dates or try another activity where he is comfortable in his surroundings. Good luck, I hope it all goes well!

Just a short little response to let you know that I know how you feel!! My soon to be six year old is JUST NOW "coming out of his shell". He is in kindegarten and is still shy and not outspoken and really don't answer questios, but is getting better. His first year in preschool was very rough, so quiet and shy, but SO NOT like that at home and with family members.
So, you are not alone, it will get better...I would just try to talk to him and stress that he does not have to be afraid, encourage him to have more interaction by perhaps some play dates and so forth.

GOOD LUCK

=) C.

My DS turnd 3 in July, so he's the youngest in his class. He does the same thing your son does, including playing with his cousins well but not with his classmates at school. Although it looks like he's plays with others, at this age, it's mostly still parallel play if you look closely. Until they reach about 4, they don't play WITH other kids too well. My DS plays better with older kids that initiate play first and get him involved.

In your case, it could just be his personality.

I'm getting my DS evaluated for sensory issues. He has other problems, and when I started researching on the Internet, he has a lot of symptoms of sensory intergration issue in the social field. If you're concerned and want someone to evaluate him, you can call your school district (I found this out by calling Eearly Intervention since they do free evals for kids under 3, and the website said that they refer kids elsewhere after they turn 3). I wanted to ease my mind and get some help for me so that I can help him.

Your son may just prefer certain people's company. However, does he shut down most of the time when in the presence of others? Out in public? My friend's 5 year old son has Selective Mutism. Always has. It is actually an anxiety disorder. He's fine around his family, but never talks to his teacher or friends at school. The Today Show has a segment on it a few weeks ago. See if this links comes up: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032633/
It's nothing to be afraid about, but if this is the case, then it's good to know how to react and inform people. The last thing that should be done is to force a child to interact in a situation that they are not comfportable with, yet. Hope this helps. Enjoy your baby that God has blessed you with!

Hi N.,
I too had a son born in August. We sent him to pre school 3 mornings a week when he had just turned 4 and he tried everything not to go to school. He was normal for his age and had an older brother and an older sister (each had gone to the same pre school starting at age 4, but with a January birthday and a November birthday, were 4 plus rather than just turning 4). In the spring of that pre-school year, I had serious misgivings about sending him on to kindergarten with his just turning 5 in August. We had him tested and he was perfectly normal with eye hand co-ordination average etc. Since he had matured by April May of that year we had him start kindy in the fall. His kindergarten teacher was really great and easy to talk to. She also had a son with a July birthday who was small for his age and not quite socially developed to where she and her husband though he should be so they waited until he was 6 to start kindy. Her analogy was that going through school was somewhat similar to riding a train from point A to point B. The child still took the same train and arrived at the same destination but with a little more maturity, the person was much better equipped to be his own person and to deal with life. We did have our son repeat kindergarten and he is now 37, owns his own business and is very social and just a well rounded person. Starting school at a certain age seems to have so much emphasis on it. But why place a child in an enviorment that he is just not ready for. Our daughter has a very intelligent son whose birthday is in September. He will turn 5 this next September but she is leaning towards waiting another year to send him to kindergarten. Particularly with kindergarten going to all day in the fall of 2008. Good luck, Marilyn

N., My little girl was still 2 when she started preschool and she was very quiet and kept to herself a lot. I was very concerned about whether she would make friends. She was never really close with anyone her first year. This year she is the social butterfly! Maybe try some role play with him and tell him what he could say to other children to break the ice. My daughter told me she didn't want to be shy so I told her, "then don't be"! God Bless and good luck!N. L.

N.,
I am a 33 year old introvert and there is NOTHING wrong with it. Not everyone is meant to be an extrovert. I prefer to be alone sometimes and prefer solitary activities. When I am with my friends and family, I am the life of the party, but when I am in an "unfamiliar" situation, I tend to sit back and watch. I typically won't say a word for some time. I have a few very close friends and many other friends, but it sometimes takes me a while to make friends.
I did very well in school academically and breezed through my my master's degree and I am very successful in my career.
BEING AN INTROVERT HAS NO BEARING ON A PERSON'S ABILITY TO FUNCTION IN SCHOOL OR SOCIETY! Albert Einstein was an introvert!
Let your son BE HIMSELF!!!

Hi N.. My son is also 3 1/2 (8/11/04). We started him in preschool in the fall because we were hoping he would come out of his shell a little. Like you said your son was fine around his cousins, my son was fine around people he knew really well, but others, he just hid his face and wouldn't talk. It took until Christmas before his teachers said he warmed up and started even participating in group play and singing, etc. so i understand your concern. Do you know other parents of children in his preschool class? Maybe getting involved in a playdate with a small group of other children in his preschool class would help? Then he could get to know other kids in a smaller setting, without the classroom atmosphere? It's probably more frustrating for you, knowing he is not an 'introvert', so to speak, at home. But if he is saying he likes school and doesn't seem to mind going, then it is probably fine, and it will click for him eventually.

DD is 5 and will be starting school next year and she is currently the same way at preschool, so will play with other kids but only if asked to she will play alone before approaching them and yet at home she is a bossy little thing with her 3 older siblings, I'm not concerned and her school isn't either while it was pointed out it wasn't a negative thing, she is quiet and well spoken and friendly, listens well, and will participate but she's not the center of attention or the child that is leading the other kids around. she also does much better in small groups or when her siblings are around for support. so i just chalk it up to the fact that a classroom is full of other kids and it's overwhelming, untill it affects her schooling i'm not worried, she has a ton of friends, she just isn't one to go along with the crowd, unless invited and in the mood to do so, is that really introverted or just strong willed and self assured enough to do her own thing?????