Intimacy After Becoming a Mama... Etc

So, this may be a bit TMI, but I don't give blow jobs. No interest, it grosses me out, I mean, he goes through his entire day in underwear that 'supports' but really just holds them close so they get sweaty, then expects me to put my mouth on that? Umm, no. It may sound mean, bitchy, whatever, but it is what it is. My husband gets so irritated because I also don't really have sex that often either, in my head sex leads to babies, and I have enough for now. So don't ever feel like you are alone in this struggle, in fact, consider yourself one of the nice ones!

About the resentment, you have two choices, either hold onto it and let it ruin your relationship, or just let it go. That is not saying forget it, just move on from it. Your husband needs to know, as I am sure that he does by now, how hurt it made you feel, and together you need to move past this. Just remember, its in the past, so no matter what you do you can't change it. One time I was having this super lull in my sex life and we made lists of all of our fantasies. FUN. Reading this it seems like what you are missing isn't so much the intimacy, its the romance. Gaining weight is a giant factor in a lot of women's insecurity (not saying you, just in general), and if your husband were to up the romance factor and make you feel just as beautiful as the day you met him, you would hop right back into that sack.

Good luck!

We read all the information that tells us having a sexual life during pregnancy won't harm that little life inside the mother... yet it's difficult for us to not worry some about that it seems. Try to see your husband's side of that fear, and forgive him for neglecting your needs. It sounds like you've talked about it and he now sees his mistake and probably wouldn't make the same mistake in a future pregnancy.
What someone else mentioned regarding having to sometimes just do it regardless of how you initially feel and you may just find it pleasurable once you start is totally true. This is true of a lot of things in life, sexuality being one of them.

One other thing I think might help both of you is to attend one of the many marriage retreats that are available. You get a chance to get away from the stresses of everyday life for a couple of days, while just having time to enjoy each other, but also get some good instructions on how to make your marriage better - in all aspects, including your sexual life. There is one called Weekend to Remember, coming up soon in Sacramento. You might want to check that online to see if it would be something you'd be able to plan. If that one is too close for you to do, they have others scheduled within a good distance at later dates that might work out better for you. Or just put into a search "Marriage weekend" or something similar and you should find several different ones. Take a look at all of them and see if one would fit your needs better than another. I recommend Weekend to Remember because my husband and I attended one a few years ago and found it helpful. Our married children have also attended and found it helpful... so much so that our daughter and son-in-law have been working with the team that plans for it each year for the last five or six years.

You are not alone...there is alot of stress, exhaustion and new feelings that come from being new parents! First of all give yourself credit for recognizing there is a problem. Now, you can work on it. It is very important that you maintain that connection to your spouse. For men, sex is one way that they feel validated, desired, appreciated, loved etc. Yes; you are busy, exhausated and have unending work to do - being the Mom. However, it is important to make sure you maintain a healthy household for that baby too. I don't know about you but sometimes I go ahead and have sex with my husband even though I am exhausted, have a headache, been spit up on all day...and during and afterward I end up enjoying it and thinking why aren't we doing this everynight? I also know that it improves the whole atmosphere in our home. My husbands in a better mood and he helps out more. Happy Mom and Dad = a happy family.
It is not easy to get your Mojo back when you are in the Mama mode but one way is to pamper yourself...a few minutes/seconds in the bath tub or a warm shower, a shirt without babyfood on it and a quick swipe of lipgloss and I am sure you will feel almost normal. Anyway, you both deserve a happy and healthy sex life. Best to you and your family!

I'm not sure about wisdom but I can completely understand.
It's not like my husband and I went at it like rabbits before getting pregnant but we did have a healthy sex life. As soon we I found out we were pregnant I just couldn't have sex. I worried so much about hurting our baby or something happening that would course miscarriage.
Now our son is nine months old and I can probably count on one hand the number of times we've made love since he was born. I too really enjoy spending time with our son, he's just such a wonderful person but I feel like a different person now I'm a Mom.
I tried to breast feed and pump but hated it so much. So now I associate my boobs with hating pumping so much. I feel strange when my husband wants to touch them. It's not that I don't feel sexy, but I'm not just a wife now......I'm a Mother!
I think it's just going to take time.....however long it takes, I don't know.

All the best.

Okay first of all it was selfish of him to demand/bug you constantly for/want to have been pleased constantly while you were pregnant yet not reciprocate. Sounds like a lazy excuse to we but whatever that was you now have a busy job raising your child . This is exhausting, takes it's toll on you and leaves you tired at the end of the day with little room for wanting to have sex. Having said that you need to take care of yourself first (exercise, eat right, get out of the house with friends once in awhile) but I think you can still work on and save your relationship if you still love him and if he's worth it. It takes work and it takes two of you. How about going to see a counselor together and if he won't go with you then you go for yourself by yourself. You can still bring home good tools to work with on the marriage from the counseling appointments. You're not alone...by the way. Since you have a child together, I completely understand wanting to work on the relationship (again if it is worth it) and give your child an example of a loving, healthy relationship. What about a date night once a week? If you don't have babysitting, you can take your child along since she is still small enough not to listen in to your conversations, repeat them etc. He needs to do things for you, too. Like taking you out to dinner or having friends over, getting a babysitter if your comfortable with that and going to see a movie you both like. Having sex helps the relationship (esp for men) if he does things for you too and if you can get past your resentments. Try to deal with those now with a counselor's help as they tear a marriage apart. Again you're not alone and only if the marriage is worth saving. But he has to do things for you too. I hope this helps and good luck!
P.s. I second what Jill says: men feel connected in a relationhi and validated through sex. Also, what she says about taking a few mins for a hot shower, putting on a cute shirt w/o spit up and swipe of lip gloss. I do that and put on my cute/nice jewelry. when I take the baby to the grocery store or mall (my main outings for now).. :)It just makes me feel better & prettier.