Intentional Parenting?

I read to him.

I play on the floor.

I play in the grass.

We 'discover' things.

I'm always mindful of the quote from Maya Angelou - "People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."

I guess I never felt that way because even when I was working around the house or garden I was for the most part always tuned in to my kids. Not in the get-down-with-you-on the-floor-and-play with you way, but still connected.
For example, I frequently included them in what I was doing (do you want to help mommy set the table? wash the car? plant these flowers? let's pick up these toys, etc.)
I tended to clean based on where we were hanging out: cleaned the sink and toilet and mirror while they were in the tub, dusted, vacuumed and organized while they were playing in the family room, cleaned the kitchen while they sat at the table doing playdoh or stringing beads. I was always chatting with them, asking them questions, being silly, etc. And that includes time in the car running errands.
I bet you do all of these things without realizing it :)
In other words, if you are a SAHM pretty much all of your time is quality time! Unless you are spending hours every day ignoring them while you just go off doing your own thing then you haven't wasted any time, it's ALL good!
But <sigh> yes, those early years really are fleeting...

My dad just mentioned the other day how messy the house was when I was little. It's funny, because I don't remember that at all!! I DO remember how much time he spent with. When we stopped the dishes, because it was a nice night for fishing. When he decided to leave the lawn half mowed, because he saw I was playing and wanted to join me. When he stopped cleaning the gutters, because he thought it was a perfect time to hang the Christmas lights I had been begging to for years.

I try so hard to be the kind of parent he was. We don't sweat dishes in the sink. They will be there in the morning. I might not be. I'd rather have the dishes in the sink when I'm dead, then missed connections with my son...ya know?

Okay I have 2 kids who are now 5 & 9 years old.
I have been a SAHM since I had my first child. So 9 years now.
We Moms, or Stay At Home Dads, do all that you do.
And it does not, go unnoticed.
My kids... have told me, even when they were younger, that they are GLAD, that I am home with them. Versus, their other friends who's Moms are not home and are working and their Dad too.
They realize... that my being home is for them. And we are not rich. We live on one pay-check etc.
ALL Moms, are Moms intentionally. We do many things, everyday, for our kids and the home. That is what a parent is.
I have NOT missed out, on time with my kids. I connect with them everyday. AND they KNOW... that this is life and this is what a Mom and parents do. OF which, THEY are a part of the family too. Each day, counts.

My son is now in Kindergarten. He started last Fall. He is in school full days. He LOVES it. And he benefits from it. He was ready for Kinder and it is appropriate for him. A Mom, has to realize that too. What is best for their child and their development overall.

And now, both my kids are in school. So now I have time by myself for a moment while they are in school. But I am still very busy... doing things for the household AND for them too, even while they are in school. And now, I also got a part-time job, at my kids' school... so I get to see them at their school too. Which they love. They know I ALSO do this, for them. As a Mom. And they appreciate it.

I never feel I have missed out on time with my kids.
Everyday I am with them.
And even if I have been a SAHM for 9 years... I HAVE done a lot.
Being a Mom, IS something. It is important, stuff.

Everything a parent does, counts. If a parent, is a parent.

Great post!! I often find myself saying the same things. But what I try to do on the weekends is even though the dishes are not done (yet) or the laundry needs to be changed out (again) - I stop for a few minutes, a half hour, etc and do something with the kids. Maybe it's coloring with my daughter. Or it's setting up the train table with my son. Or it's just watching a cartoon together. That way they get their mommy fix, and I get some down time and closeness with them. then after that I'm back to doing the next thing. That is why it takes me the entire weekend to get the house cleaned!!

I sit with my kids every night I'm home when they go to bed (date night 2x a month and school 1 night a week so I'm not always there)...and read a book to them. They each get to pick out one book. I also say prayers and talk about what they are doing the next day.

I ask them each day how their day was and what they did - I try to get my daughter who's in preschool to tell me something specific about the day - what did you eat for snack? Was X there today? Did you go outside? What did you play on? What was your favorite part?

I also include them in the daily chores and things that NEED to be done (dishes, cooking, cleaning). My kids LOVE to vacuum the house! Sure I have to go over it again but it makes me feel less bad about cleaning if they are helping me!!

I tell my kids I love them every day and hug and kiss them - usually multiple times. This sounds like a no brainer but it's important that when they grow up, they remember hearing I love you from me!

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job mama!! Keep up the good work. Oh and I also journal pretty much everything my kids do and keep scrapbooks of them so that when they do get older and I don't remember how old they were when they did X or want to reminisce, I can!

Congrats on your new baby :)

You've learned in five years, what it took me my daughter's entire childhood to learn!

I am not raising one of my granddaughters and I now KNOW that the kids won't remember how clean (or not) the house was; what they will remember is how much time (or not) you spend with them.

So, now when GD asks me to do something with her, even though I may not really feel like doing it, I suck it up and dive in because I now know what I want to pass before my eyes when I'm laying on my death bed and it isn't am image of a spotless house!

The only "tip" I have is to recognize the many opportunities that we have each day to really connect with our children and to take full advantage of each and every one of them. If you do that, your days will count!

Great post!

I think about this a lot too. This sounds nuts, but I always try to do two things with my kids each day. 1. If the weather permits, jump on the trampoline with them. We have a ball and laugh until we hurt. We esp love to jump at night in our PJs. :) 2. Read with them every night.
As a full time working mom, I feel shorted sometimes by missing their special moments throughout the day. I want them to look by years from now and when they think about the good times in their childhood, they think of us on playing on the trampoline having fun, or cuddling with their mom reading their favorite book. :)

My kids are both teenagers now and it really does seem like yesterday that they were babies. In elementary, both children had to make a family crest with family traditions and some of their favorite things: my son's favorite smell was grandma making cookies (still love that one). One of my daughter's family traiditons was taking a picture the first day of school. Talk to your five year old and see what he remembers - it may not even be something that you realize is a big deal.
My kids love "adventure days". We'll just get in the car and go on a short trip - don't have to spend a lot of money but they love it.
One of my absolute favorite moments: We surprised the kids with a trip to Disneyworld Christmas Day 5 years ago (left 3 hours after they found out). We were walking around one of the parks and my daughter says, "mom, when I have kids and they're 8 I'm going to surprise them with a trip to Disneyworld." To this day, they still say that is their favorite thing ever.

I think you've probably done a fine job. Sometimes chores need to be done. Sometimes you don't make the most of every moment. Sometimes those commercials make you feel guilty. Stop and really think about your time with your kids.

Sometimes I stop and watch the cartoon with DD or put down my work and read a book or ask for a morning off so I can take her to the park. When you do have a moment, use it. But don't kick yourself if you don't have 8 hours of moments in a day. It's about balance.

It sounds like you've been spending your time as you should... living life and showing your kids how to do it. And thinking about this new stage of your eldest child's life has you feeling separation anxiety.

You haven't missed as much as you think you have. Right now you're looking through the Guilt Filter. That's not fair to you or your children. Yes, time flies. I'm sure I could guilt myself into believing "if I had only" and therefore I've missed such and such and messed up somehow. Instead, strive to be the best mom you can be day to day, which is what you've been doing.

We have enough Mommy Guilt already. Why are you piling more on top?

I'm right there with you. I have been trying to play 1 board game a day with my kids. I already read to them twice a day, but I keep feeling like I need to actually "play" with them, so my new plan is 1 board game. Soon I am hoping to add another activity of some sort, painting, a craft, etc.

Thing is, my kids are perfectly happy playing by themselves most of the time. When I ask my 4 year old if she wants to play a game, she usually says," no, i'm playing with my brother."

We also do family video once a week. The kids LOVE it. We pop popcorn, and we all sit together for an hour watching whatever.

That is SUCH a great thing to realize!!! Soooo many parents do exactly what you've done, but they aren't lucky enough to notice that they're living in fast-forward until the kids go off to college!! I FULLY support the homeschooling idea, if you feel like you can do it, and that your child will benefit more from that. Just make sure that if you do go ahead with homeschooling the oldest, that the younger ones don't suffer or get left out because of it. I am one of 7 who were all homeschooled at once (yes, my mom was insane lol) and even though I was the middle child, I was the most independent. Part of that was due to my personality, but a lot of it was simply because my mom didn't have time to do things with or for me- she had my older siblings' homework to deal with, and the babies' diapers to change, all the chores and everything in between. I'm not saying you'll neglect your kids but realistically if you have more than one, someone's going to feel left out at any given time. I think it's great that you want to homeschool, and it will be such a great advantage for your kindergartener... but just make sure that you've got it in you, cuz it's a JOB. :P
Something that I do to be intentional with my parenting is reading to my son EVERY. DAY.
No matter what, usually before bedtime, he sits in my lap and we read the book that he's picked out. He loves it because my attention in fully on him, and he's learning and feeling special.
Every day, also, I like to rub his back. Children respond soo well to physical touch- just 1 back rub a day or a foot rub (kids tend to be too ticklish for those though) and it's been proven to be very beneficial- as they get older kids do better in school, do less drugs or smoking, and need less therapy & have less physical problems as adults. All because parents took 10 minutes out of their day to physically show that their child is important to them. We are human beings, and we NEED touch. :) We are always so busy dressing, feeding, bathing, walking or dragging our kids.. we don't realize that even though we're coming in physical contact with them, we're not giving them loving touch that they need.
I've also read that a result of daily massages for kids is that in adulthood they have higher expectations in relationships and they look for a mate that will treat them better than most people settle for. I obviously don't know how true all of those studies are but it can't hurt to want the best for them through their lives!! :D I'd say just make sure to let each one know every day how special they are to you, just for being themselves.

Everyday, I make time to laugh with them. Whether that's tickling, reading a funny book, making faces at them in the rearview mirror while we are a red light. Somedays I do feel like I spend all days on chores and not enough time with them, but it's good for them to see that this is what it takes to keep a house running smoothly. And of course, I et them help as much as they want and are able even if it takes 5x as long to unload the dishwasher!

It sounds crazy, but I scheduled my day by 1-hour time blocks. It was tough when my 3rd was as tiny as yours (and less flexible), but it worked for us. I gave each of my older boys an hour of "special time". They each get an hour of each day to decide what we'll do. It could be a movie, the park, baking, a backyard picnic, reading, crafts, etc. I tried to do it during the 3rd's naps and scheduled it after I had given myself an hour to clean the kitchen and get in any laundry I needed to do.
About kindergarten, I agree with your husband. My oldest is now in 1st grade. He was 3-1/2 when my 3rd was born. I struggled with whether or not to send him to pre-school when she was born and it ended up being the best thing for all of us. He got the extra attention that he needed from school and I was able to spend quality time with him when he was home (and the younger 2 while he was at school). Kindergarten is also amazing for helping kids to be more responsible for themselves and to concentrate better. It made my son more helpful and understanding around the house as well.
I know how you feel about the "kindergartgen blues". I'm getting ready to send my 2nd off this fall. My plan is to spend as much time as I can with him over the next 6 months. I have big plans for a summer of trips to the beach and parks and just spending as much time playing with him as possible. (Plus, if I'm out of the house, there's less opportunity for them to make messes for me to clean).
Congratulations on the new baby!
Angi

We tried scheduling our day, which included scheduling our son's study time and break times. What a fiasco! If you want lots of stress and houshold tension, then set up a schedule. No matter how much we tried not to keep the schedule set in stone, it set up panic attacks. The best thing that we've found that works is a "loose promise." You set up a loose time to do certain things. (After super, we will go outside to play as a family...If it's raining, we will all do an indoor family activity like read together, play a board game together, draw together, etc. After lunch on the weekends, I will teach my child to ______. If school age, you always set time aside to go over how their day was and their homework.) It's structured, but very loosely so if something comes up, you can change up easier. One thing to remember is that no matter what you do, you will always feel like you've missed out on something.