Instincts

Have you guys tried marriage counseling yet? I've never been in your situation, but I know for sure that if my husband cheated on me and I tried to make it work with him, I would need to have counseling with him and it would take a lot of time to even begin to think about trusting him again. If you both are willing, maybe you could try marriage counseling for awhile while you are finishing your education. That way you can feel like you are trying to make it work, it may help you both, and even if in the end you do end up splitting up, at least you will feel like you tried everything you could to make the marriage work. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I hope you are able to work it out (and your husband chooses your marriage over his desire to cheat). Good luck.

I'm so sorry.

Maya Angelou once said: When someone shows you who you are-believe them the first time. It was true with my first cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater husband...once a cheater, always....

And your intuition is usually correct.

I think the best answer is 'what can you live with"...make that decision and proceed from there. Yes, it will be hard to uproot your kids again, but if that is best long term, etc, etc.....

Also, being financially independant no matter how hard it will be to get there will be SO liberating for you -even if it's little money, lots of struggle--think of the great example that is for your kids - rather then one of -stay and put up with it, type of thing.

Is counseling an option for your relationship? There are many sliding scale clinics or community clinics where you can see someone for very little cost. This may help you sort out all the confusion as well as work w/your spouse on the issues in your relationship. Good luck.

http://www.westsiderc.org/f/r_csa.htm

my answer is this: if he's figured out and voiced why he had an affair in the first place then there's hope to work it out. if he just said "i ended it", he never figured out why he had it in the first place and it'll happen again. good luck

The one thing I found was after the first time my ex cheated I saw cheating everywhere. I just don't see how that trust could be rebuilt. Half the time I was right the other half it was in my mind. We were married 18 years and when he was distant he may as well have been cheating because that was how it felt.

If I were you I would get my education and run.

R.,
It all boils down to what you are willing to put up !? Have a clear and frank discussion with him about why he wanted to reconcile (I would not mention your suspicions, you'll put on the defensive) , was it you he wanted back? the kids? the whole package ? Explain you really prefer to learn from the first time and don't want to put the children or yourselves through all that again. Try to get him to open up without causing drama, and his answers may give you some insight. You should know him well enough to know if he is sincere and his actions with you and the kids should reinforce what he tells you. If you don't buy it , it really just depends on what your priorities are, finish school, let the kids get a little older before they have to deal with another separation/divorce, what are you willing to sacrifice ,if anything and so on, and if things don't work out ,you've taught your kids to try and work things out ,but, things don't always work the way we want or they way they should, and if they are old they'll also learn - relationships take two people working at it (they don't just happen and everyone lives happily ever after,...). Make up your mind what you want,too!
Explore the feelings you have, for him, good bad, or indifferent , there is no expire date, take your time, this is an investment in your life as well as the lives of your children, and not something to take lightly or quickly.
I wouldn't think ,if it comes to it, that you'd owe him spousal support if you have custody of the kids, but, it varies ,and often depends on how long you've been married and what state you live and file in,....

I wish you and your family the best ,(and you may want to talk things over with a pastor or counselor before you make a final decision) C. S.