I wrote a great question and it got erased.......here goes again, in quick form.
My LO is basically potty trained. She's been waking dry for a few months, and is only struggling a little with poop, and even then she gets more of it in the potty than out. Out of all three of my kids, she's been the easiest.
We spent the day away from home the other day, from 8-3. She's used a big toilet a few times, even pooped on one a month ago, but she is refusing now. She has a bladder of steal, so she held a juice box all day. No big deal. But then this morning she refused to use the potty. I finally made her after 16 hours. And all day she's been weird about using her potty seat, saying she needs to go but doesn't want to. I recall my other kids testing their ability to hold, but something more is going on here: at bedtime she didn't want me to empty her potty into the toilet. She started crying and saying, "pee in me, mine." She is so at the "everything is mine" stage of development.
Complicating matters, I hear Freud in my mind, and we are going away for the weekend and she isn't happy about it. She even asked to go with me today.
Has anyone had a kid not want to let their pee and poop go? I'm hoping that by expressing her fear the problem goes away. Earlier this week she was waking scared at night but that has passed after some discussions, but I'd hate for her to do kidney damage. I looked at the symptoms of voiding dysfunction, and from what I can tell, this isn't a physical problem. She is fine, she just doesn't want to let go of her pee!
Ideas?
I think it's just a regression. She went this morning, and is now going again before we head out for the morning. She does need her old securities-stuffed friend on potty, a book to read. Maybe she just got freaked out when we were out all day the other day.
Instead of using a little potty seat, get an insert for the big toilet and a step stool for at home. Using the big toilet at home will translate to using the big toilet when out easier.
The little ones I have known who had concerns like this were generally a bit anxious, or fearful, and felt rushed or pressured. Not saying that is what has happened here, but usually it related to some type of stress (even something unrelated).
You mention she was waking at night - scared. And that she is concerned maybe about going away on weekend.
I would guess, if this is new, it's related. Just my thought.
I always backed way off if my kids got funny about something. I still have to remind myself to .. if they are going through a funny little stage (whatever it is). I find if I focus on it (even if I think I am doing it secretly) they pick up on my concern/stress and then that stresses them even more.
When mine every got funny (possessive) that way, it was usually them feeling a bit insecure. So up the cuddles, etc. maybe?
Good luck :)
The only kids I know who had potty withholding issues had emotional issues as well.
One was a nephew whose parents were going through an ugly divorce, the other was my own little brother and that was a HOT mess all around (my mom was completely oblivious to how her choices were affecting the rest of us.)
Not saying that's what's going on in your house, just sharing my own experience and observations, since that's what you asked for.
is this the same little one with the nightmares?
she's not going to damage her kidneys. why leap to dysfunction so quickly?
i'd let her go back to a diaper for a while. she just sounds to me a like a toddler, with normal advances and regressions, who has some stress going on. lots of love and relaxation, and no pressure.
khairete
S.
Toddler logic is tough to crack sometimes.
With this, the thoughts go along these lines:
"I made it - it's mine - I want to keep it".
Now if this were a picture or a painting - sure! No problem! We'll hang it on the fridge!
That's not going to work with pee and poop.
You might want to read with her "Everybody Poops".
Let her know it's something everyone/every animal does.
It's not something anyone holds onto (let's not stray into manure right now), and the proper way to deal with pee and poop is it goes in the potty and it ENJOYS it's ride when being flushed down (but it's special, just for pee and poop - nothing ELSE gets a ride in the swirly!).
The best thing I can advise is not to push her. There are so few things a toddler can control - eating and pottying are pretty much it. So instead of making her sit on the toilet, put her back in diapers at night time.
First, let's talk about night training. Here's what my very smart ped told me years ago. He said that night training is totally different than day training. He said that the physical body cannot be expected to ALWAYS hold it until a child is 4. He had me put a diaper (NOT a pull up) on my son. He said specifically to NOT to make it comfortable. Don't go up a size - let it be a little "too" snug. You don't want your child to love the diaper, but to "put up with it". You want her to feel the wet, to be uncomfortable in the wetness. A pull up is too comfortable.
You start this on the morning that she has wet the bed. Then you tell her that you are sorry (put on your sorry face) and that you know she wanted to have a dry night. Tell her that you will need to put a diaper on her for 4 nights. If she can have 4 dry nights, then you can put her pretty panties on her again. Be sweet to her. Don't give her the idea that she has disappointed YOU. Give her the understanding that you know that SHE is disappointed. (Even if she isn't.)
Everytime she wets overnight, she starts the 4 nights thing over. You should have stickers on a calendar in the bedroom for her. Do it every morning. She can count 4 happy stickers in a row.
Now for daytime:
You DON'T want her to distend her bladder. If you are going out for a long time, take a diaper with her. Offer it to her if she won't go to the toilet. You're standing there beside the toilet and she won't go? Pull out the diaper, take off her panties and put the diaper on her. As you are putting her panties away, say something like "Such pretty big girl panties! Tell me when you want to wear them again and we'll get rid of that ole baby diaper!" And let it go from there.
You see, she'll get her wish to not have to sit on the toilet. But she'll lose her big girl panties. She'll see that you don't care. She'll want the panties back eventually. She'll feel that wet diaper dragging her down. She'll DECIDE that she wants to sit on the potty again, without you having to push her.
Potty training is all about a child deciding to move to the next step after they are capable. It's NOT just about capability. It's about them making a conscience decision to do what it takes to move to the level of not being a "baby" anymore.
Let her make the decision. Just 'help' her make it by making pottying more desirable. No fighting with her. No begging, no pleading, no cajoling.
My 4 year old just hates loud noises, and the toilet is no exception. Maybe the toilet is the issue? My daughter has no problem going. I mean, this kid will drop it off whenever/wherever, but she has to leave the room or stall for a flush, esp in public restrooms with the industrial toilets. Don't even get me started on the hand dryers....
Yeah, a lot of them want to hold on to their pee and poop. Sometimes it manifests as holding it in (you'll see a lot of comments/questions about constipation on parenting sites), and some don't want to flush or dump what's in the portable potty. You either wait it out or you get them excited about flushing it themselves. Sorry not to have a better answer for you!
Thanks for the suggestions. We got her to go this morning with little problem. My oldest and I got her stuffed friend to put on a play potty seat. Hopefully this is just a little hiccup..but I do need to get her to go on big toilets.
There was a girl in my sons' daycare with a similar issue with bowel movements. Unfortunately, it took such a long time for the family to recognize that it was a more serious issue than potty training stubbornness that it developed into a major medical problem. I am not the reactionary type, but I would definitely involve a pediatrician or other professional sooner rather than later if this continues.
I hope it IS just regular potty training woes, and I certainly feel for you on those!! If you aren't opposed, you can always go with flat out bribery....
