Innocent "Funny" T-shirt or the Beginning of Pretty Is All That Matters in Life

Yea, JC Penny had to pull that shirt because of parents and kids complaining about the message.
You are not the only one who feels this way.
I would throw it away and if she asked I would play dumb and act like it must have gotten lost somewhere.

That shirt is terrible and I will never let my daughter wear something like that.

Why not "I have boobs I don't need an education"

Ridiculous.

In my house...that shirt would somehow just "disapear" in the laundry without another word...when it is asked about..."hmm I don't know where it could be, haven't seen that shirt in a while either."

I'm all for funny shirts, but I wouldn't like that one. Why did MIL think it was appropriate to give her granddaughter a shirt that basically says, "I can't be pretty and smart and men have to do things for me because I'm spoiled"?

It's hard when you're the only dissenter, but I'd get rid of it and I would not let her wear it to school.

Replace it with http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts-apparel/womens/b3e7/

i have a great sense of humor and i see no 'funny' in this. love that you used the teachable moment, but i think i'd go a step further and invoke the parental veto on wearing something that tacky to school.
words have power. we should wield them with care.
khairete
S.

I do not care for that shirt either.

I guess it can be seen as funny to some, but when your daughter is truly intelligent, it is insulting.

It just sends an over all terrible message.
A young girl who is kind, has empathy and is smart, is way more important than her looks.

I don't see the humor in it. I'm a stick in the mud. In my house it would quickly become a "mess" shirt used for painting and the like.

In fact, I dislike a lot of shirts that have writing. I don't like those "If mom says no, I'll ask grandma" "Mom's Little Heart Breaker" "Dad Answers to Me" "Princess Has Arrived" type shirts. I just think they are visually unappealing and tacky. I don't know why a parent would choose those ones over one that says, say, "Sunshine" or "I Heart Dinosaurs" but to each their own.

Ugh. thanks Grandma! I wouldn't let my daughter wear pants with sayings on their butts either.

I would have said something upon her receiving it -to my MIL and to my daughter. I'm sure your MIL thought it was "cute" and I'm not easily offended at all, but those shirts are completely ridiculous! Actually last year JC Penney started selling a similar shirt, and the public outcry was so loud they removed it from their stores and website in a few days. I would burn the damn thing! I would have let my MIL and daughter know that the shirt is basically saying several things -1) Boys are smarter than girls. 2)Pretty girls cannot also be smart. 3) If you look good, school is not important. -So I would tell her that if she wears it, she's basically wearing a shirt saying, "I'm stupid -hee hee!"

I wonder how anyone who doesn't think it's a big deal would feel if the shirt said, "I'm too black (Hispanic, white, etc.) to do my homework, so I'm having my Asian neighbor do it for me." Wow -that's not okay, is it? So why is it okay to belittle half the population?

That shirt is terrible. The "subtle" messaging to our children is bad enough. I would throw it away - definitely wouldn't donate it. There is a reason why those shirts got pulled so quickly. Here is a good website for talking to your daughter about media messages: http://www.about-face.org/

I would throw it away and not make any excuses or pretend it got lost either. I would be blunt about why it's getting tossed. Your daughter will later appreciate having you for a strong female influence and presence. I say take a stand.

i get that it's a dumb shirt and sends a stupid and petty message..but she IS 8. do you sit her down and make her do her homework? does she understand that homework (school, education) is important and why? i don't disagree with it getting "lost", but don't put TOO much importance on the shirt....how you have raised her (and continue to) will make MUCH more of an impact on her attitude. but i do agree that letting her wear it out in public would send the wrong message to OTHERS seeing her wear it, but not necessarily on HER outlook.

i think you should give her and yourself (and your parenting) a little more credit. i would hope in using it as a teaching moment, you'd mention that while you know SHE doesn't have that attitude and you are raising her better than that, it might make other people think that all she cares about is being cute and that's not the impression we'd want to give other people. does that make sense?

I think 8-year-olds are too impressionable for us to 'assume' that because we know it's 'silly and stupid', it won't have an affect them.

I agree that it's just a stupid t-shirt but I wouldn't want my daughter wearing something like that either. I'm glad you had a talk with her about why you didn't like it but I think letting her wear it is still giving the message that you are condoning it and "okay enough" with it to let her have it. Personally I would be the kind of mom who would just have it "mysteriously" disappear, the sooner the better. There are plenty of other shirts she can wear with messages that are clever or funny to help her express herself without stooping to that level.

My stepsons' mother took a vacation trip once to Key West with the guy was her boyfriend at the time. She bought a t-shirt as a gift to HER brother that was from a local bar and featured on the back a drunken leprechaun with the words "I came, I drank, I don't remember!". Somehow her younger son ended up with it and he was only 12! And I swear every weekend that they came over, he was wearing it! I said something to his dad about it, and he agreed it was not appropriate but he wouldn't say anything to his mom because doing so most likely would have resulted in some huge argument because she would have thought he was attacking her parenting skills. I really wondered if he was wearing it to school, or if that sort of thing was against the rules, and she just let him wear it on weekends because she didn't think it was a big deal then. Then finally one weekend after they had packed up their bags and had gone back their mother's, I noticed the t-shirt accidentally got left behind. I threw it in the trash and that was the end of it.

I would get rid of that shirt - what a terrible message. And at age 8, yes she understands it just fine. I'd secretly throw it away and say, hmmm....where did that shirt go?!, if anyone asks. Get her a girl power type shirt instead.

: / My MIL gave my DD (6) 2 shirts for her bday that I (and DH) did not approve of.
I had to explain to my DD why I did not want her to wear them.
(MIL is impossible to talk w/.)
One day DD pulled her grandma aside and told her what was wrong w/ them.
Heehee.
Good girl.
I think J. B. broke it down perfectly. :)

I'd throw it away. What was the MIL thinking? Or, what if the shirt was damaged while in the washers? You'd have to throw it away. Ahhhh, that's too bad.

I think it should disappear and your daughter should know why.. If I had a daughter that age, I would not allow her to wear the shirt. It may have been meant innocently but I have an issue with life being all about pretty. When my daughter was 6, my MIL once told her, "That's what life is all about, looking pretty." Seriously. Every time my daughter went to a party, a gymnastics class, started a new school year, MIL's question was, "Was she the prettiest girl in the party/class/etc?" Your daughter is not too young for you and your husband to give her the message loud and clear that her main goal in life should not be "pretty." Society's messages often over rule parents' messages, so make your message loud and clear at every opportunity.

I like your plan. It is pretty close to exactly what I would do.

It's a t-shirt. While it's a stupid t-shirt, I wouldn't look into it more than 'it's a piece of clothing'... lots of kids would be happy to have clothes, period.

My daughters joke all the time about selling their little brother to the gypsies, but they don't really mean 'we're selling our little brother to the gypsies'.

If she wears the shirt, you could come back with 'true, but you're too smart to NOT do it'. Out smart the 8 year old and the t-shirt.

That shirt is just so wrong on so many levels.
(Pretty = Stupid + a male has to/should do my work for me)
It's sad your husband and MIL don't understand.
Unfortunately, that means they might continue with idiot gift/clothing choices.
I suppose you could save the shirt - it's going to be rare - and maybe consider selling it on eBay someday as a collectable (don't wear or wash it).
It would be funny if proceeds from it helps pay for your daughters college.

It's funny and does NOT matter. To clarify, it is funny because the statement IS wrong, because what it say IS silly. It's common to come up with jokes that give a child an excuse to not do their homework (the dog ate it, etc)- how silly and funny to think that the way you look is an excuse to not do homework... gosh, I think you moms are outraged over nothing.

Society makes a BIG DEAL over anything, and so many of us fall into the trap of finding a problem with everything.

It ONLY would be a problem if she ACTUALLY thinks that because she is pretty her brother will ACTUALLY do her homework. NOW, to be honest, perhaps if she really thought that, maybe she does need some help with her homework, and a few other things. LOL. Get my drift? (I'm totally not saying she thinks that...hypothetical)

The shirt doesn't matter.

BTW, none of my daughters have stuff like that because we don't choose to get it for them and neither has anyone else, but I still don't think it matters at all.

I wouldn't let my daughter wear it. The t-shirt would mysteriously disappear in the wash. ;)

I agree with you, and think you handled it well.

Horrible. By eight, she's old enough that you could talk to her and tell her why you don't want her to wear it.

To me this shirt ranks right up there with, "I'm with stupid" and it companion shirt, "Stupid". Or the one a woman was wearing, "Chief Cook and Bottle Washer". He wore "Grocery money".

There were others, but I try and forget the really disrespectful ones.

I agree with some of the other posters. I would get my daughter to help paint her room or something else and have her wear this t-shirt for the project.

Good luck to you and yours.

I would make the shirt get lost. To be honest, it's more the fact that it tries and fails (painfully)to be funny that bothers me about it.

I would toss that shirt in the trash where it belongs. How did your son feel about the shirt?

Blessings...

I would use it as an opportunity to talk to her about the message, just like you're doing. Personally I'd make it disappear in a couple weeks, or let the dog chew on it. But that's just me!

I hate that shirt, too, and I think you handled it well. Bury it in the drawer if she doesn't want to give it up. Maybe she'll forget about it.

I would only wear that shirt inside-out!

omg i don't like those either. You are probably right not to forbid it but I would throw it out!

TOTALLY with you! And it DOES matter.

I would let my daughter wear it once in a while. I think it is a silly shirt, and meant to be funny. If my daughter wore it, it would be even funnier since my son is 20 and HATES homework (always had) and my daughter is in Pre-K. As long as you don't let her truly adopt that attitude, it will be fine.

Let her know "that shirt is meant to be funny and it is, I don't care for the message it would send if it were taken seriously".

i'm sure you MIL was being innocent and meant no harm. that being said, i wouldn't let my daughter wear the shirt at school, and if she loved the shirt so much i would either 1. only allow her to wear the shirt when out with her MIL and Dad or 2. ruin the shirt in the wash. just kidding... on those suggestions. if i saw a little girl wearing the shirt, honestly i wouldn't think much of it. i might giggle in fact but i wouldn't be offended and have my feathers ruffled.

it's been pulled from the stores anyhow.

Wouldn't it be a weird co-incidence if that shirt accidentally got bleach poured all over it (both sides) while it was waiting to be washed?? When your MIL asks about it - just tell her the truth - the shirt got ruined by some bleach.

I personally do not like that t-shirt message at all!!!!!!!!! If I had an 8 year old girl, I wouldn't want her wearing it. I think 8 is way tooo young for that! I'm glad it got pulled. I recently got a hand-me-down t with "cute but pyscho" and a picture of a bunny on it. I thought it might be funny to wear as a night shirt, but I don't know if I'd even wear it for that.

I think its a funny shirt and I would have gotten one for my daughter. I think that we need to teach our kids the right things to do so they won't follow those kind of messages.

When my son was 8 he had a favorite shirt that said, "Rock Stars don't do Homework." It had a cool guitar on it. He loved the shirt and had an idea about homework but this did not affect his ability or want to do homework, it is just a shirt with an expression that he loved. He is doing fabulous and does his homework so look at it as just fun. If you make it a big deal....it will become a big deal. It is like singing that Marvin Gaye song when I was little, "Let's Get it on" we didn't know what that meant and had my mom pulled me aside to tell me, we would have made that a big deal-lol.

You have explained how you feel that was good.

ALL my kidz/grankidz have Tshirts with goofy messages on them, I think this is a fun one (it seems I am in the minority here). My daughters range in age from 41 to 35, they have all worn these kind of T's. To me it's not a biggy, I am more concerned about their grades, their kindness to others & their ability to cope with their adult lives. I have one Grangirl age 11 who is 'ours', she & her 2 brothers have been with us since 2000 & they have T's with HW, being 'too cool', trading their brother/sister for anything of value, etc..

In essence I say, GEEEEEEEEEEZZZZ it's a T no cuss words,no rude pics, so... lighten up mamas!