I want to invite my parents and my inlaws over for a Mother's Day late lunch/early dinner. I want it to JUSTto be my husband, kids and our parents. I have a sibling who I am not inviting, probably wouldnt be available to join us anyways. My hubby has 2 siblings in town. I think they can do their own thing with thier mother. My mom likes quiet and relaxing especially lately she has been very stressed out. And when everyone else is around my hubby barely gets anytime socializing with his parents. I just want us to each get special time with our parents and for them to get time with thier grandkids.
We r busy all weekend except Sunday. Super busy. Its my frickn mothers day too and why.should.i feelb:uncomfortable in.my own home. There is no reason any of the siblings mine included cant make their pwn plans woth the moms. AndFoe the last couple of years i go.see my mom hubby goes to.see his.and.I don't get my alone time with my kids and hubby. So yeah can be selfish and rude. Typing.from phone not illiterate just harder to do
ETA - I put stuff in my so what happened because I really got tired of people critisizing me and being nasty. I have my reasons for wanting to do what I want to do, can't go public with everything. And it doesnt matter what I want anyways because I dont seem to matter in the factor and me trying to go out of my way to do special things for certain someones never counts anyways No matter what day of the year it tends to be. And I myslef was not wanting to spend all day in the kitchen cooking for a HUGE crowd versus an intimitate dinner,nor do I want to play hostess with the mostess that my own mom is going to be left sitting alone. So go ahead call me slefish rude and everything else for not wanting to be treated like the help onmothers day
I'm with Gidget.
I feel it's unfair to monopolize any mother on Mother's Day when she has other children. Do something "special" alone with her another day.
I think you should just tell the mother and mother inlaw that you want to have time with just them so what time works for them? That you will work around the other siblings. And then work around the other siblings. so if they say they are doing brunch you do dinner if they say they are doing dinner then you do brunch. I totally understand what your trying to do. I am for one of the few times in our 25 years of marriage getting to spend the actual mothers day with my mom. i can't wait.
Well...I think it's kind of ignorant of you to expect your MIL to spend mother's day without all of her children just because you don't like your husbands siblings. I mean really, put yourself in her shoes a generation from now. If you have a son, imagine how put out you'd be if his wife said "let's have your mom over for mother's day, we'll celebrate with us and my parents and no your other sibling can't come because this is what *I* want." Pretty rude, no? That's a pretty unreasonable demand to me, that you think it's OK to hog your mother and your husband's mother for the day. And excluding your own sibling? Rude, rude rude. I know that this isn't what you want to hear, but I really can't see how there is anything even remotely appropriate in how you want to plan this day.
I understand what you're saying, and I completely understand your desire to have that alone time with the parents. I'm just not sure that Mother's Day (or any holiday) is the right time to do this. All of the siblings on both sides might want to spend time with their mom, so they might be upset that you want the moms exclusively.
I'm very lucky that my family does appreciate quality time is small groups. My parents appreciate their time with my family, with my brother's family, with my sister's family. I'm also fortunate that they are never tied to the actual day. My mom would be thrilled if we did something special for her on Saturday.
If you want some quality time with each set of parents, why not invite his parents over for dinner Friday night and have your parents over for brunch on Saturday.
It's time to think outside the box. Sunday isn't the only day you can celebrate Mother's Day.
As long as you are NOT taking up the whole day, it is fine to say "Yes, we are having our parents over for lunch/dinner. I'm sorry, it isn't a whole family event...just us and our parents".
As for joint gifts...just so "I'm sorry, we've already purchased their gift." Or plan ahead and call them to say "Do you want to go in on xyz for birthday person?" or "If you'd like to go in on a gift for the birthday person, we can contributx $x".
I'm scratching my head in amazement. You are able to pull off inviting both sets of parents over for a holiday like Mother's Day without drama? Wow! I'm impressed! I don't know too many moms who are willing to share their day let alone their children with their in-laws. I'm going to guess you've never done anything like this before. Because in my world this proposal could never be. In my world, the holiday would turn into a match between Godzilla and Mothra...the "mother" of all cat fights....blood shed baby...bloodshed!
My dh and I almost wound up divorced when we were first married, after my MIL flipped out on us because we spent one fateful Mother's Day morning having breakfast with my mom, and saved dinner for her in the evening instead of spending the ENTIRE day with her. She was not willing to share, nor was my own mother. Neither felt that they should. But at least my mother was content to spend a few hours with us.
My MIL accused my husband of being a traitor and not loving her because we didn't spend the weekend with her. She lives an hour and a half away from us.
She was livid I cooked breakfast for my own mom but we were taking her out to dinner at a restaurant. She compared notes on what my mother got for gifts and was livid when she found out they both got scarves from the same store. I can't begin to imagine what would go down if I were crazy enough to expect the two of them to happily share their day with each other at my house. I shudder thinking of the horror.
My point in all of this? Why on earth would you want to complicate a day like this by not only having both mother's share their day, let alone worry about including siblings in the inevitable disaster?
I say give each mother their own special time and alone with you and your husband and leave it at that. If the sibs want to see your mothers, let them deal with it on their own. Whatever you do, do not force the moms to share their day together. Even if they tell you they're okay with it...don't believe them. It's a lie. Besides, bringing both families together sends a signal to the sibs and others that this is an all inclusive family event. If you make mom time a private get together, people will be less likely to assume this is a family affair.
Good luck.
If it were me, I'd send them a card and stay home. You are a mom too, entitled to special time with your kids and husband. Use that as an excuse to avoid the crazy if necessary.
if/ when they call hand the phone to your husband. Its his family and he should be the one to tell them that this is just for the parent for Mothers Day, no siblings are invited. Leave it at that. There really isn't any other explaination that should need to go with it.
If you don't feel your husband can stand his ground then you have to be the one to do it. Stand your ground!
As for the gifts I would tell them thanks for wanting to include you guys but you already got them a gift or have a gift in mind that your family would like to get for them. Again thank them for thinking of you guys.. but stand your ground. Eventually they will get the hint.
What if you did it the night before? I agree that it's not exactly fair that moms be required to give mother's day to just one child. I also agree that if you are having a special event for jus the parents you should be allowed quality time with just them without having to share with the other kids. Even our own kids want quality one on one time and I don't think that changes just because they grow up.
I think the only realistic answer is to plan Mother's Day dinner for the night before and then you can realistically justify not allowing the other kids at a Mother's Day celebration for the woman who is, in fact, their mother.
I get it, I really do. My SIL is the same way and it's overbearing, intrusive and rude. But this isn't Friday night dinner, honey, it's Mother's Day and every child should be invited. It's the classy thing to do and you need to show that class even when they don't. So if you don't want them to come, do it another day and call it early Mother's Day.
Hmm...... what about having two separate celebrations? One celebration with YOUR family, and another celebration with HIS family......
Does it really have to be on Mother's Day to be special? We have tried to be very open to celebrating other days because my daughter has 2 in-law families she has to visit on days like Thanksgiving and Christmas.....we try to be the accomodating one, because, after all, it isn't about the DAY that is special, but it is about being with FAMILY.
Is there a question you are asking?
Sounds to me (based on your "so what happened") that you have already made up your mind and really don't want to hear the feedback and are content being "selfish and rude" (your words). Many have given good advice about being flexible and choosing other days to honor your moms, or just dealing with everyone and making it a family thing. Sounds like good advice to me.
Whatever happens, I hope you have a Happy Mothers Day.
Where's the question?
You didn't ask a question but I'm assuming you wanted to know what people thought??? As a mother, I'd like the opportunity to see all my kids, if I could. I would hope my daughter/DIL would help me to do that, especially since the day is really for me. I like your idea but I think you should consider doing it on Saturday so the mothers can have the opportunity to spend time with their other kids, too. PS: I have a brother who is mostly estranged from the family and my husband doesn't have good relations with his brother and sister so I understand how difficult all of the accommodating can become.
