Infatuation with Death

Morning,

I completely understand how you feel, because the talking about death is quite depressing to us adults. However, for a child who is just learning they of course don't comprehend the full scope of the subject.

Your daughter's nature to talk about dying and going to Heaven is absolutely normal. My son asks me about death and Heaven and Hell all the time, and we have the same conversation over and over again. But each time, he comprehends just a little bit more of the subject.

So just be patient...if you can. Part of her incessant discussions about the subject is her way of slowly taking in more and more about it's scope. Plus, think of it like this...her talks about it help her to stay close to Grandma in her heart.

Here for you,
L.

Hi K.,

I know what you are going through my husbands grandfather past away last year and so did my moms boyfriend within two weeks of each other. My daughter was also four at the time. But she cried everyday for months. There was some nights I would just holder and cry myself. She was also very angry for a time. Because she did not now how to say good bye. And the questions where also nerve racking. AFter I told her the next mourning she got the phone and asked me the number for heaven because she wanted to say good bye. But know that I look back I think she mourned better then my husband and I. My best advice is to answer the questions the best you can and if you really don't have an answer tell her. And most important listen and holder.

We are going to plant a tree in the yard in Memory of him in the spring so she can take care of it and have a place to go and feel like she is with him.

I hope I helped. You will be in my prayers.

yup. I have a husband who is a fireman, and so my son talks about fire being on "bad people" and colors in fire on pictures, and talks about people being dead. I can only figure that when we explained what daddy does, and that fire can hurt people and all that stuff; that it just became engrossing. At least I hope thats all it is :)
It can be a little disturbing though, I just try and change the subject to get him to talk about nice things.

K.,

My daughter was about 4 when her grandmother died. We did the same thing, explained the basics of where grandma went and left it at that. I got a call from her daycare about two weeks later saying my daughter was playing "dead" with the other kids. She apparently picked some flowers outside in the play area, laid down on the ground holding them and had the other kids have a "funeral" for her. I am not sure a 4 yr old really understands the concept of death, heaven ect. but it is something new to them and I am sure the fascination is normal. If she isn't upset about it I wouldn't worry too much, let her do her thing with her imaginary friends. It should pass in time when something new catches her attention.

L.

i don't think you should let this worry you, this is her way of copeing with losing a loved one, just try to be patient and keep explaining to her what death is about. let her know that it's not something that is going to happen to her soon and that now she has a special friend to watch over her. if you are religous it might be good to have her think of your grandmother as her very own guardian angel. but, be patient, this too shall pass...death is hard to cope with even for us adults. also it might help to show her what life has to offer, long walks, story time, special time with you and fun outing to keep her mind occupied with other things.

K.,

Your 4 year olds response is normal and healthy. She is processing this information. When my oldest was 4 I experienced a 2nd trimester miscarriage. For a year she would tell people that her mommy had a baby in her belly that died.

And the children who lived through 9/11 spoke alot about it and at our school - and many others - children would build these tall block towers and knock them over, againa and again.
I learned this is normal behavior.

Just be there for her and listen. Answer her questions as honestly as you can. None of us has the right answer and none of us are perfect.

it is perfectly normal for them to be curious about death after a relative dies. it is 1 way they remind us just how smart they really are. as long as things don't get morbid and u keep explaining things to her i wouldn't worry.

K.,

I think all kids go through a fascination with death. Imagine what a mind-blowing concept it must be when you realize that not only will all of the people you love not be here and around forever, but neither will YOU! Chances are, before your grandmother passed, and this conversation came up, she never even thought about anything like this. It's a huge deal.

A lot of times kids work out what's going on in their heads through play, and imaginary friends are great for that. Give her some time to get it all straight in her mind, and get cmfortable with it. If she persists in dwelling on it, or she gets to the point where she's afraid of people dying all the time, take her to talk to a therapist for kids. THere are some great ones out there that work through play, so the kids are comfortable, and not pressured to talk.

Good luck!

It would be nice if our children came with instruction manuals would it not? But of course they don't. Your little ones' questions and imaginary talks are perfectly normal. My soon to be 7 year old unfortunately went through the same thing with her "Grandma Betty" (my aunt) and her Granddad (Dad) and her Uncle Steve within 3 years, with us unfortunately burying her Grandma Betty within days of her 5th birthday, which also happened to be the last time she saw Grand Dad. Their intuition and their empathy goes much deeper then we can ever imagine. Shortly after my Dad was killed, my daughter came down from bed one night to tell me that she had been talking with Grandma Betty and Granddad and they wanted her to tell me that they loved me and for me not to worry about them. Talk about knocking me off of my chair!

Soon it will pass and she will be on to even deeper subjects, like where is Heaven and does things ever fall from it? <grin> That was a conversation for the books let me tell ya!

Good luck, God Bless and don't worry..:)

M.