aaarrggg!!! That is a tough one... you are lucky it is your in-laws. They sound a lot like my own MOM...sorry to say. I can tell you what I had to do with her, and maybe you can get some insight. (?) It does hurt, no matter how hard you try to please, and or try to ignore it, it hurts and it is frustrating. You need to first realize they are who they are, and they will probably not change. You can however, change the way you and your husband react to it. Now that you have a good idea how they are, expect it, and don't expect anything else. Don't hope for "the best" or perfect situations, and then you won't be let down. (this took me a while) And put your family's needs first. You can be kind and polite, but you also need to be upfront as to what your baby needs, and what you need, and if it isn't working, politely exit, or excuse yourself from the situation! You leaving dinner, I feel, was totally acceptable. I would have done the same thing. (and you can do it with grace and style!:) ) I have learned to quit trying to upturn my family unit for those who have issues at every turn, or can't seem to respect our family's "way of doing things or traditions". And to let grandparents have EVERY opportunity to see kids if they are willing to, and if they aren't, they are the ones missing out. Some times we have parents that can't wait to just be out there all by themselves and have time for just themselves (which is fine!) And sometimes they can come across aloof, or like they could care less about whats going on in their kids lives. ( and some COULD care less) Those that don't take part in much of what is going on in their grandkids lives, or their own childrens lives, are missing out, and I have learned that there is nothing you can do. My own girls don't have too much of a relationship with their grandmother, but we do what we can, and when she actually does see them, they really could care less! It is sad, and she gets offended, but it is her own problem. This last year she had made more of an effort, and it is great. But it has taken me years to let go and concentrate on my own "circle". My husband's mom is like YOUR parents. She is there constantly if we ever need anything and she can't wait to see our girls. And they love her. It balances out. Don't try to please them at every turn, and let your hubby know it is okay to feel the way he does, but you both need to concentrate on the little trio you do have!! You would be surprised at how much happier you both will feel. It is hard at first tho. I am 42 and I still want my "mommy" sometimes!! But you can't change them. You may just have to start with the "accepting" part first and go from there....
No need to burn bridges, it sounds like they will do that themselves; especially at this rate...!!! I am sorry, this is frustrating for you I know! Hang in there, be the great mom you were made to be, and it will be okay. Give your hubby lots of support on this one too.
Let us all know how things go..
LT