Including Our 3 Yr Old Daughter in Our Homebirth

My 20 month old (at the time) daughter was present at the birth of her younger sister. It went very well. I think the most important thing, which you already have planned for, is to have one person present whose sole responsibility is to watch the older sibling. My sister and mom were both at my birth (in addition to my midwives) and my sister was able to occupy my older daughter and see that her needs were met during my labor.

I also tend to have fast babies after a long period of slow prodromal labor so there was only a little over an hour when I was completely unable to pay attention to my older daughter. I do know that others have had older siblings present for much longer active labors though so I'm sure it would have been fine had my younger daughter taken longer.

Feel free to message me if you want any more particulars!

Best wishes!
~B.

L., Although I had neither of my sons (now 39 and 35)at home, I had the extreme pleasure and priviledge of working at a free-standing birth center in the Philadelphia area for many years. This is not, as you know, a home birth, but it is very close. I am an RN. I was called to the birth center an hour or so before the birth to assist the midwife. I then stayed with the family until discharge (4 hours postpartum to 18 hours postpartum) and made a home visit at three days postpartum. Since we only had one laboring woman at a time, it was a truly individualized experience for each family. I witnessed hundreds of births with siblings present and it was never anything but amazing----no matter what the age of the sib. As long as your daughter's support person knows that she might have to miss the actual birth if your daughter decides not to be in the room for some reason, all will go well. (Very few kids make this decision, but a few do---especially if they are very tired at the time of the birth.) The acceptance of the baby by the sib is quite amazing to witness! The empowerment of the home-birthing mother is also wonderful to witness. As you know, labor was not misnamed. But, your body is so incredibly prepared. Your birth attendant will help you and your body to do what is necessary to safely bring your new baby into the world. When the task is completed, you will know that you are capable of doing almost anything you want to do.

It has been about 12 years now since my 3-yr. old daughter attended my son's home birth but it was a very significant event. She was very much a part of the whole experience and was not afraid to see me "moaning". She saw that I was in good hands with my midwife and other friends were there for the birth. It was a pretty quick experience, and after my son was born, as she was holding him, she looked up at me and said, "Mom, thank you for this baby." It really is the best and I wish you all the best. Somewhere in her she knows this is the natural process and she is part of that as well. She will be so thankful, even if it is in the unconscious part of her and it will be something she carries forth in her life.

Cheers!

I wasn't able to have home births either time, but wish I had been. We were planning on having our 2.5 year old in her sister's delivery but ended up having a c-section. I think it depends on your child's personality. I know a friend's son who would never have made it through that, he was very sensitive and a mama's boy. My daughter is very caring and tough, good combo for making it through those situations. She's helped me recover from knee surgery and the c-section great and like someone else said there's a comfort that only your child can give you.

It helps when you're always honest with your child about how things happen and will happen, mine went with me to all prenatal appointments. They like to feel like they're a part of things afterward, so why not during? I saw my sister born on the way to the hospital, don't remember it now (I was 2) but they all loved my "look daddy it's a baby!" reaction, and I love that I was the first person to see my baby sister. Other good ideas furthermore are a big sister present from the baby and letting her help get diapers, pick out toys/clothes for baby, etc. Two is crazy but fun, best of luck! And yes make sure someone is there to take her if she changes her mind.

We had our three year old son at our homebirth two years ago and I can't imagine it any other way. We took him to Penny's class as well and he was so well prepared. The blood didn't scare him and he was right there during transition patting my shoulder "you can do it, mama". When my daughter was born he was right there to take part in the scary (she took a few minutes to get going) and then the joy and we were all at home together. I think he appreciated the fragility of this new life after watching the work it took to get it here. Plus, my five year old boy knows a baby is gestated in a uterus and not a "tummy". Overall a wonderful experience!! Have a blessed birth!

We chose to have a homebirth with our second child. Our daughter was exactly two and a half years old and we had a friend come over and be her attendant for the process. We did have an overnight bag packed for her just in case it became overwhelming for her. Through most of the laboring she played in her room or outside with our friend. However, she would come in and check on me, and let me tell you her hugs and gentle pats made me relax more than anything. It's amazing the inner strength your children will give you. When it came time for the baby to come, the midwife gently asked if she wanted to see the baby come (mind you this was at 11:30 at night as she never wanted to go to bed!) She watched me push out my son and I will NEVER forget her little high pitched two year old voice gently exclaiming "baby mama, it's a baby!" As he was put on my chest, our midwife let her be the first to use the stethascope to hear his little heartbeat. Okay,I'm bawling now. I wouldn't have done anything different. Good luck to you! Birthing at home is a wonderful experience.