In the Battle of Wills, I Think I Am Losing.

Are they just playing and you translate that for misbehaving? They are pretty young and apparently active, so you may want to try getting them to actively work out their energy in a productive play. When they are tired, give them all a nice warm bath and get them settled. I doubt they are fighting and if they are, you have to separate them to do different things or as I said earlier, let them all participate in something fun.

My friend has 3 boys , and is like you. Exactly.
I feel your anguish.

You have to really stick to whatever consequence you dole out.
The book "Have A New Kid By Friday" is also good with practical solutions. It is not 'mean' in approach, but very usable information.

They do this, because also, they are with you everyday all day. They are desensitized to you.
You have to get back your place in the Totem pole.... because it is lost.
Your Husband... ALSO has to, with you, sit them down and talk to them firmly... about how it is. Point blank.

They are also maybe bored.... take them outdoors, to a park or something everyday, and have them run around. Kids need to get out their yah-yah's....
Have a regular ROUTINE and schedule with them everyday. So they are not just hanging and getting on everyone's nerves.
The SAME routine everyday, and a NAP for all of them, everyday.

Stop trying to 'please' them... or indulge in them. You said you tried everything. YOU are the Mom... they are not the rulers of the home.

all the best,
Susan

In my house we have the following rules:
1. if something gets broken once, it gets in line for the superglue. broken again, its thrown away.

2. if a toy is thrown, it is no longer a toy but a weapon and is thrown away.

If they hit they go into timeout in the corner, on the floor. Then they have to apologize. If they hit again, I ask them if I should let the one that they hit, hit them. NOOOO. Why not? You hit him, why can't he hit you? Fair is fair. Most of the time this works, without the hitter getting hit.

If there is one kid that is causing the problems, seperate them from the others. If it is two of them, take the toy or tv away from everyone. You'll be amazed how fast the older one will help the other 2 be better.

As for your feelings. Try as hard as possible to NOT yell. Yes there is a time and a place. I have developed 'a look'. Even people at work know it and know it means that I am not happy or not buying what they are selling. Kids respond to the lower tones. Which is why they respond better to your, and my hubby. The more upset you get, the more slow, calm, and deep your voice should be. Each word should become its own sentence, if that makes sense. Its not easy at first, but once you focus on it it gets easier.

Hugs
M.

2 books-

Happiest Toddler on the Block
Talk so your child will listen, and listen so your child will talk

Sibling Rivalry is among the most common concerns for parents of multiple children. The reasons rivalry and arguments surface are varied - jealousy, the need for attention, power struggles, feeling left out, etc. In fact, the reasons are at least as varied as the approaches for managing the rivalry, saving your sanity and keeping child self-esteem intact.

Here are a few of those approaches (if you have had success with some that aren't listed, please share your strategies on the discussion board).

Seven tips for managing sibling rivalry
1.Look for ways to give children positive attention. Much of the time, rivalry and arguments are related to a child's need for attention. When you actively seek out ways to show your children positive attention you reduce incidents of negative attention seeking behavior.
2.Find ways to spotlight each child's strengths. Rivalry is often related to a child's need to set him or herself apart. In this way, children are not unlike adults. Children need to be recognized for special skills, talents and strengths. This is an important way to encourage individuality and feelings of self-worth in children.
3.Make one on one time a priority. There are so few extra moments in a day or week, but if you can adjust your schedule to allow for individual time with each of your children everyone will be more than glad that you did.
4.Include appreciations in family meetings. Including appreciations as a part of your family meeting creates opportunities for siblings to say something nice or acknowledge something good about one another (don't underestimate the power of generating goodwill between siblings).
5.Help children develop the capacity for empathy. Instead of labeling a child reluctant to share as selfish, why not help the child understand what his or her reticence feels like to a sibling? When children are encouraged to put themselves in their sibling's shoes it becomes easier for them to understand the impact of their behavior. Compassion can encourage kindness.
6.Avoid comparing. Children need to know that they are loved for who they are. Each brings something special to the family composition and parents should take care to value those contributions equally.
7.Be fair and impartial. Avoid taking sides, and whenever possible allow children to resolve disagreements without your intervention. The STEP (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting) Curriculum offers the following advice for determining who owns the problem.

•If your rights are being disrespected
•If property is at risk of being destroyed
•If children are too young to be responsible for the problem
•If someone could get hurt...
The parent owns the problem if the answer to any question is yes. If the answer to every question is no, the children own the problem and the parent should allow the children to assume responsibility for working the problem through.

Good luck!

we all have our struggles with our kids, but from what you are describing, you are the issue. they clearly know how to behave(so you have taught them, give yourself some credit for that!), they just know they don't have to for you. have a good long cry tonight, have a glass of wine, and regroup for battle tomorrow. be consistant like you never thought you could, let them spend all day in time-out tomorrow if that's how THEY choose for the day to go. you gotta take back your control, and they're gonna act WORSE at first to see if you're serious, put in a few days of incredibly hard work and see if things can't work themselves out. let them know who's in charge. and if you need to, get some help - you kinda sound depressed(but i don't know you, you may just be having a rough day) - anti-depressants/anti-anxiety meds are not to be popped like candy, but they are out there for a reason and they do serve a purpose. you know whether you're at that point or not. good luck, don't give up. you are a GOOD mom, or you wouldn't care enough to type this.

G.,

I know how you feel. My boys are 28mths and 8mths so I know how frustrating just the closeness can be. it sounds as though you have had one of those horrible mommy days i call it. let me just tell you a lil about me. first with my oldest i worked and he was watched by my father in law who leaves with my hubbs and i. i wrked 50hrs a week at a restaurant. so he was completely and daddys and papaws boy then i got prego with my youngest while on the pill. After having him we decided i would quit my job and be a sahm this was an extremely big adjustment for me b/c i worked my job for the last 7 yrs. it took me several mths to get used to being home and i am a very schedule person so much so that my kids are in bed and sleeping by 830 every night. My oldest wasn't used to me being home all the time and he was acting out alot. so my biggest advice to you is dont feel bad although its hard not too you are a good mother and god gave you these children b/c he knew you had alot to offer them as there mom. Although the other moms stated this stick to you guns and be consistant they will start slowing understanding and listen to what you have to say. I find now that i am home the table have turned the kids listen better to me know then they do their dad. and as far as punishment do whatever works. and i have found that with my two yr old trying to get them out to do thing outside like the zoo or science center or park helps run off energy and he act better. good luck

Relax. You are doing great! these are difficult ages, you are not going to be perfect all the time. And you will all survive this! just be as strong and consistant as you can and hang in there! You are a good mommy and the Right Mommy!

my kids are a new 3 yr old girl, an almost 5 yr old girl & a new 6 yr old boy......1st is timeout then if it happens again hot sauce.......obviously consistency is the key but adding hot sauce really works for me.......i also send out warnings when I see/hear that things are starting to go south

First of all - you are NOT alone. I have a 2 and 3 year old and often feel I'm "losing it".... I don't have the perfect answer, mostly wanted to give you reassurance that you can and will do this. I have learned a bit from my 3 year old... don't engage in a "battle" of wills, I'll lose. However that doesn't mean giving up and giving in. That means staying in control, calm and consistent (no matter what they do). The love and logic books are good (if you have time to read) or a tiny tip is to challenge yourself every day to keep cool, not let them see you sweat, even if it means you have to take a time out (30 secs in the bathroom). I'm sure others will have more advice, just hang in there...

Wow!! Your kids are close in age - and that can be difficult. But also just the ages they are can be difficult. My kids are all 2 years apart from each other, right now they are 7, 5, and 3...today is one of those days where they are in trouble. We no longer threaten in our home. We don't threaten to go to their room or timeout, but after one warning of stopping something, they get the punishment. We have also started chores as punishment. They have to do certain ones to help out, but they get more if they are in trouble. That stops most things :). They LOVE to help, but if they are MADE to do something, it's a different story. Just stick to your guns and they will get it eventually. And all moms and kids go through this, so you are not alone and it will be okay!!

What you are experiencing is your children manipulating you to get what they want. I suspect you don't have firm rules and those rules you do have you don't enforce consistantly. I bet you punish your 4 year old for the same things your two year can do and you don't say anything. Your lack of firmness is confusing your kids and they then act up to find out where the boundries are.

Write your rules down and the punishment for the infraction. Remember, if the punishment isn't a deterant to the kids, its not a punishment. Example: Your child misbehaves so you send him to his room. You go into his room and find him on the computer playing games. Your "punishment" wasn't a punishment and you are actually encouraging misbehavior.

Memorize the rules you have written down. Memorize the punishment. Then follow your rules and be consistant. If you kids think up something to do that wasn't on your list add to your list. Ask your husband for his input. Increase the punishment if you find it wasn't effective and change your list. When your kids misbehave when your husband is around, let him help with the punishment. Dad shouldn't be the good guy and you the bad guy.

I hope this helps a little. If you have specific questions, ask or e-mail. Good luck to you and yours.

G.,

Is your husband the "heavy hand" and you have become the "door mat mom"?

If so, you need to enlist the help of your husband right away. It should not have to be a "wait til your father gets home" situation...However if it is he that they listen to, they need to know he backs you up 100%.

Your kids are still pretty small, but the four year old is old enough to understand "actions and consequences". Be consistent ask for help from adults (family/friends) if you need a break now and then. God gave you those children because you ARE the right person...you are their Mother.

Remember its important to take a little me time each day...even if its just a short walk or a closed door when someone is there to watch over your children.

Blessings...