L.C.
Oh J.!
I know how you feel, girl. Such is the life of a military wife. It has been years since my husband has been home for all five kids' birthdays and last year he was in Iraq and missed two, as well as my birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Beth is right. Your husband is a hero. Every member of our military makes a difference and we owe all of them a debt of gratitude. So give him an extra hug and a thanks. As for him being there, you can't do anything about that. What you could do is record him singing them the birthday song and helping them blow out candles. Just put the candles into a block of floral foam from Michaels so all they see is daddy's face and the candles. When it is time to sing with them, push play and dad can sing along. Then have a special gift they open from dad and while they are opening it, have a recorded message from him saying why they got that gift and that he hopes they love it as much as he loves them. There is still a way to make him a part of it and a way to make it special for them.
As for the stress, you can do this J.. We are moms. From the beginning of motherhood, moms have done what they needed to do and God has equipped us with the ability to do it. You have the skills, and the patience. What is overwhelming you now is the disappointment and when you figure your way around that you will be just fine. I know you will!
L.