First off, thank you for not trying to hide this life event from your little one. I have friends who have not taken the kids to the funeral, slided over the fact that a beloved relative died, and sort of let the person fade in the kids memory 'out of not wanting to traumatize the child."
With my children, I told them straight-up (in a gentle way) who had died and how (not graphic), answered their questions. . . five year olds will both amaze you at their grasp of these things and make you wonder if they truly understand. . . all at the same time.
For the visitation and funerals, I told them beforehand (in sequence) what would happen. I told them how people may be acting, like being real quiet and hushed, crying, etc. I told them how to act, quiet and hushed.
At the visitation, I gave them a choice of how close, if at all, they wanted to go to the casket to view their relative. Usually, by the end of the visitation, they went close to say their 'good-bye for now.'
If they acted like they were going to touch the relative, as they had seen others do at the visitation, I would warn them that the relative would feel very cold. Of course, this always involved a gentle explanation of why the hand was cold. Hope I'm not too graphic for you.
I found some books on Amazon.com (below) that can get to your house by tomorrow if you order fast. Or, I would call a major bookstore in your area, like Borders, and ask for their selection on this subject.
My prayers are with you. Hope all goes well.
www.Amazon.com:
"Thank You, Grandpa" by Lynn Plourde and Jason Cockroft (Hardcover - Mar 24, 2003) $5.02 - $12.4735 Used & new.
Get it by Friday, Sep 12 if you order in the next 8 hours and choose one-day shipping. Excerpt - page 8: "... One day, they found a grasshopper lying still. Too still. "Grandpa, is it dead?" s y.. t. ~ "Yes, child, it is." "What can ..."
"A Candle for Grandpa: A Guide to the Jewish Funeral for Children and Parents" by et al David Techner (Hardcover - Jul 1, 1993) $0.02 - $13.95. Get it by Friday, Sep 12 if you order in the next 8 hours and choose one-day shipping.
Eligible for FREE Super Saver Shipping.
Excerpt - page 1: "... life, even by the hest doctors. I couldn't believe that Grandpa was dead. I didn't want to believe it. ..."