In Need of Help

Hi A.,
I think the first place to start would be the school. Is there a social worker she can talk to, can she do the work that's given to her etc?If not maybe she needs some tutoring, or an eval to find out why she is struggling with the work.
I also might seek some outside counseling. I think you'd like to end this behavior as much as possible as soon as possible. Teens are going to rebel, no doubt, but help her find some other way to vent her feelings.
L.

Well first thimgs first, don't force her into a corner. Talk to her try to become involved with her first. I don't mean reward negative behavior but try to get her back wanting to confide in you and leaning on you. Take her out and have mother daughter days and use that as a time to see what the real problem is. I gurantee its something unlying all that besides hanging with the wrong crowd. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CONTROL BEFORE SHE SPRIRAL TOO FAR OUT OF REACH.

Try also limiting her if she does not get her grades up cut things out. No phone, limit time with friends, and etc. Is dad spending enough time with her? Where is she feeling a void? The hard part is this could further the lying and sneaking. Its a tough situation that you and your hubby are gonna have to tag team on. Perhaps her supervision has been to laxed... I am sure she is not the only person involved maybe get in touch with her friends parents work together. It takes a village....

Wish you all the best!
Peace and Blessings
-T.

Sounds exactly like me when I was 13, literally.

It turns out that I was having difficulty in school due to undiagnosed ADD and Narcolepsy. This lack of control affected my self esteem and thusly affected my availability of friend choices.

Since I was getting caught smoking and I was getting bad grades - I found myself grounded more often than not. This caused me to want to socialize even more at school, on the phone and eventually by sneaking out.

If the obvious talking and standard punishments do not work. I would look at whether there is any underlying medical or psychological reasons for her difficulties. Don't jump to conclusions. It is still very possible that she is not on drugs or going to flunk out of school and into a life of crime.

Try a creative outlet such as acting or music classes. I belong to a church in Canton which has an amazing drama and contemporary music program for teens. This will help with her acting out and may even get her involved with a more healthy crowd - even if they have purple hair.

I concur with Tyeisha! Have those heart to hearts... "can I talk with you"...not talk AT her, or yell at her, or judge her. Talk with her without frustration but with a genuine sense of "I want to know about you" and "I want to understand why you do what you do- the choices you make to smoke, etc." Let her know that you are trying to be a good parent (even if you have made your mistakes along the way), and that's it's not too late to turn things around as long as everyone does their share of working towards positive life choices.